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VxPoem ID: 22438

Category:
healing

Posted: June 19th. 2006 10:01:49 AM

Views: 1615

Think I know now, ...

by Ladykelshan

Age Group: Adult


Think I know now, ...
what it's honestly like,
when someone rejects
your friendliness,
they take your heart,
and they bend it in a
weird direction, and
you won't know where
it actually ends up, if and
when, are the two questions.....

Think I know, that I messed
up, royally....Thought, it would
never happen to me..HAH!
I should have known
BETTER! This time,
in my life, I realize fully
what I did wrong....and
even though, I can't
fix it, I can DO better.

Think I know, that I am
seeing my life all over
again, thru them,
the new people in my
new life.
I wish I had "seriously"
had taken the time, to
see the damage that I
was doing, so long
ago.
(but, I didn't care,
a bit!)

Think I know, that
separating myself,
from the rest, was NOT
a "welcoming" thing
for me to do, to the
"new" family member...
I went out of my way to
be a real A**Ho**!
I did a fantastic job, and
it must have stung,
for years, and years...
GOD I was GREAT!!!
(But, not really) .....

Think I know, all
of the things that
I said, and did, and
tried to do, over and
over again!
Thought, that I'd won,
and that NOBODY
was gonna "mess"
me...I was "the stronger"
(but, alas, I wasn't!)

Think I know, how you
must have felt, I shut you
out, maybe because I
"thought" I was right, in
thinking that you were
a "bad egg"....or that
I "knew" that I wouldn't
like you....our person
alities , clashed, and I
just refused to be a nice
person all of those years...
I was like a sore that
never got a chance to
heal, a wound, that
you noticed everytime
you looked at me.

Think I know, just how
much pain that I would
inflict, and I honestly don't
know how you could have
put up with me!
I lower my head,
because I too am going
thru what you did, with me!
I accept the people in my
life, because I honestly care
about them, but, it won't
take....they are just like
me (well, with the
acceptance of one, but,
the other, I'm not so sure....
and I am sad, and
rather puzzled)

I think I know, how you
most likely felt...and I have
to say, How very sorry, I am...
I gave you no choice....
and you stayed anyhow,
but, I kept the bitterness up,
and you stayed longer,
and I became strong ,
resliant, and beligerant.
but, you never left...
you kept right on being you!

Think I know....
because I am there,
now!




Author's Notes: By ladykelshan
Written Monday June 19th, 2006

This is about the realization of my undoing....in my younger years....I have a step-dad...and at an early age, I did everything that I could to rebel....I never gave him that many chances...I "knew" that I didn't approve of him...and it has lasted for years, and years, despite my half brother and our close-knit family, and a few other happenings...

I can say realization because I have four children in a relationship that I am in, the two older ones, they are very cool and they readily accepted me, the two younger ones, well, one I am still getting to know, but, I think that she is a very caring , intelligent, fun, great person! The other, is the youngest man in the family, who is not adjusting yet to me....is totally sensitive...like I was...and I can understand, that...boy can I! This is a lesson, out in the open for me!
It's rather painful to see my actions from so long ago, came smacking me upside the wazoo!
OUCH!
This is a poem, about me, and my learning...


Author's Location: Washington, Washington DC
More Poems: Ladykelshan has posted 485 additional poems- View them?
Author's Profile: To learn more about Ladykelshan - Click HERE
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