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VxPoem ID: 38433

Category:
healing

Posted: June 4th. 2010 10:04:02 PM

Views: 497

My Hurting..

by Ladykelshan

Age Group: Adult


My hurting
is from a discovery
of you, and who you
are and what you have
BECOME.

You are NOT , nor were you
EVER, "the one" I was "destined"
2 be with...
I always believed, I always thought....,
I always told myself these
"truths", which in fact, were lies...
I thought that I would
SOMEHOW get you BACK
into my life..thru HELL and
HIGHWATERS...
but, nooooooooooooooo!!!!

It is with great sadness, and
hurt, I reluctantly put my "tail"
between my legs, and saunter
back into the doom and gloom
of the areas with "no return"
marked upon the doors.
I cannot retrieve what was left
because there was NOT a thing
left to be found...
I cannot have what I wanted..
as in NEVER EVER!

I also finally saw what I did NOT
want to ever acknowledge,
and that was...when I am around even
just words that you speak..or write...
I am in so much physical pain, , ,
it was NOT something I wanted to
see...and to be aware of..or be
once again, yes! Reminded of!!

You used 2 make me feel so terrible..
but, I always wished, and hoped that
you would have changed., after growing
Up,
"older and wiser.".
with time!

Guess that some things stay..and
linger, and linger and they are and will
remain UNchanged....

So, this is my writing..of
MY HURTING..
I had dreams of you and I had
thoughts entwined around you..
but, they were ONLY dreams..
I cannot expect that much more
from YOU!!!




Author's Notes: Written by ladykelshan
Written Friday June 4th, 2010

This is about a former love that I honestly believed I could still be "close" to...but, since then, I have discovered that this person..really does NOT want ANY contact, what-so-ever..not only with me, but, with others as well..On the top of that discovery...I also found out that I seem to have "reactions" to letters that I have had via this person..I tend to get physically ill...like I used to when I once was with this person...
(This is not healthy for me..and even if I still have strong feelings for this person..I have to let them go...it's a most painful and heartbreaking thing for me to do..but, it's also a better choice for me as well! I have also learned that "I cannot have "EVERYTHING" that my heart desires!!! " This goes also for people in my life!!!)

I was also in denial that this person was verbally and emotionally abusive to me ( a long time ago, and I think that they still are!!) ..I knew it..but, I had hoped that this person would have seriously changed and grown up!! I guess that people DO NOT!!! ( unless they have gone thru some serious therapy , most people keep right on being abusive..and I think that is why I was physically ill , from their letters to me !! ) Powerful stuff...even when I tried to "block it!!!"
I am NOT going to let some horrible person, even this person hurt me anymore!!!


Author's Location: Washington, Washington DC
More Poems: Ladykelshan has posted 485 additional poems- View them?
Author's Profile: To learn more about Ladykelshan - Click HERE
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