VxPoem ID: 18958
Posted: January 3rd. 2006 3:47:38 PM
Things I've learned in my lifetime
Age Group: Adult
Things I’ve Learned in My Lifetime
The things I’ve learned in my lifetime have had a profound impact on what some view as my seeming hopelessly cynical attitude. I come off as a cynical, uncaring person and with good reason from the multitude of setbacks experienced over the course of a lifetime. As the New Year begins, I find myself in a precarious position, ready to topple from the safety of the treetops once again. The only course left available to me is to try to share the things I’ve learned in my lifetime with you. (There is more to come about each of these in detail.)
Number 1 - Hate and resentment are born from aggression and oppression. As a child, I remember my father vividly, especially when I was on the receiving end of his aggression and anger. The most singular incidents that I remember are; being held above the couch in the living room by my neck until I passed out as I was being screamed at and with my mother frantically trying to pull my father off of me; being smothered with a pillow by my father. I was crying because I wanted my mother and he finally couldn’t tolerate the noise any longer; being chased into the bathroom with my father close behind, a butcher knife in hand, threatening to kill me solely because I had stood up to him with fists clenched and told him never to hit my mother again; but the single most memorable experience was being backhanded by my father in front of the neighbor girl who was older and babysat us on occasion. She was my first crush and when his fist connected with my nose it unleashed a torrent of blood and hatred that never really went away. I lay on the couch in the living room as my mother nursed my bleeding nose. My father came in and for the umpteenth time, said he was sorry about some wrong. I hate you, was my only reply to him, as I realized for the first time his apologies were hollow and empty. By the age of seven, my hatred and resentment of him was complete and encompassing, born out of the constant oppression and aggression toward me by him.
Number 2 – Circumstances beyond your control can create apathy that controls you.
I loved playing baseball when I was younger but wasn’t good enough to play in the official “Little League” when I first started. However, by the time I was eleven, I was a taller than average, stocky, muscular kid that could put his weight behind swinging a baseball bat. That year I hit four home runs, including two grand slams in one game off two different pitchers, lead our division in runs batted in and had the highest batting average in the league. I was all set for playing the next season as the official “Little League” needed twelve year olds. Only my hopes shattered, along with my left ankle, on February 22, 1969. I had broken my leg so badly, that the doctors said that I’d be lucky to walk without a limp for the rest of my life. I missed the last season in Little League, which promised to be my best year ever. I did, however, try out the following year for the “Pony League” 13 -16 y.o. teams. The previous years first place team picked me up and I was thrilled to be able to play again only I vividly remember the coach saying that he didn’t really need me as a player as his roster was set already but that I was too good of a player to afford another team letting me play. So I sat the bench for the next two years and when I actually got the chance to play, which amounted to a total of 5 ˝ innings over the two years, I struck out every time from trying too hard. I finally got to the point where I really didn’t want to play baseball anymore and could have cared less if I ever did again.
Number 3 - Initiative, ability, and hard work don’t always pay off. During this time period I was also in Boy Scouts. I had started off in a troop the never did anything. We had earned our Tenderfoot rank and stayed at that rank for over a year and a half. The troop folded up and in the new troop I joined I started flying through the ranks like crazy. I made it all the way to Life Scout and was working on getting my Eagle Scout rank. All I had left to finish was my Safety merit badge and my service project for my Eagle rank. Only no one, from the Scoutmaster on down, would give my any information as to who I needed to see to actually obtain my safety merit badge and four consecutive service project proposals were turned down by the Scoutmaster. The reason I didn’t submit a fifth on was that four other boys, all sons of the troop leaders, earned their Eagle Scout awards and used my proposed service projects to get them. After that, I realized too, that it wasn’t always your initiative, ability, and hard work that got you ahead in life. I quit Scouting after that and resented and reviled people in positions of authority ever since. One good quality that it did bring out in me though was my cynical sarcasm, which over the years became honed like a good carbon steel knife.
Number 4 – Blood isn’t thicker than water. Just ask my sisters if you can find them. I haven’t seen or heard from them more than a half a dozen times since our parents died in ’86-‘87. No Christmas cards, no birthday cards acknowledging or celebrating that I was even born into this family, no phone calls just to say hi, nada. Just like the Phil Collins song, “No Reply At All”.
Number 5 – Rejection cuts like a dull spoon, not like a knife.
Number 6 – Loneliness doesn’t always occur when you are alone and it drives depression.
Number 7 – 95% of the population doesn’t know what love really is or doesn’t know how to love.
Number 8 – There is no one you can rely on and trust, not even yourself.
Number 9 – People will do almost anything to get their own way or get what they want, including lie, cheat, steal, and murder.
Number 10 – Nothing lasts forever, not even the mountains.
Number 11 – Life is so short that you rarely have time, after having to deal with all the petty bullsh*t, to smell the roses.
Number 12 – No matter what they say, most people really don’t care about you as a person.
Author's Location: Meadville, Pennsylvania
More Poems: Beoluth has posted 30 additional poems- View them?
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