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Posted: Sep. 8, 2002
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Question of the Week: 47 - 6/25/2001
Are you a Talker or a Listener?
Do you tend to do most of the Talking in a relationship or in conversation? Or are you more the Listener- the one who is usually found quietly nodding your head over there in the corner? As a Talker, are you sometimes frustrated if people don't seem to get what you are trying to say-don't really 'listen' to your point except to form arguments or responses of their own? As a Listener, do you feel somehow 'unappreciated' because you tend to be more thoughtful than outwardly verbal? Does it frustrate you when your speech gets 'lost' in the flurry of conversations or debates? Do you have any idea how people might develop better 'Talking" or 'Listening' skills? And just for fun, you might want to take the The Introvert/Extrovert Personality Test, the Communication Skills Test or one of the other tests listed Index of 121 Tests. Let us know which test that you took, what the results were and what you learned about yourself that may help you in the future to better communicate your Life Story.
| Reponses: There are 14 responses posted to this question.
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| I'm More Of A Listener, And An Introvert... I Think The Word... ||Jun 25th. at 12:44:17 am EDT|
|9;2;2 (Derby, Kansas US) ||Age: 16 - Email |
I'm more of a listener, and an introvert... I think the word "recluse" will do me better justice. When I really get into talking about something, I can speak arcanely... or in other words, to the point where only I understand what the hell I'm talking about. But I don't talk much. People flame me for my ideas - Pagans as well as others - and try to bomb my beliefs, and enforce their sugar-coated crack on me. I do listen well, and reveal little. I only wish my poor memory were better.
| I Tend To Be The One Talking. Recently Though I Have Attempted... ||Jun 25th. at 12:58:34 am EDT|
|Rodney C. Knight (Rock Springs) ||Age: 33 - Email |
I tend to be the one talking. recently though I have attempted (well make that ing, since I am still trying) to be more of a listener. I work closely with people in my business and noticed that I was starting to dominate the client. This is bad of course and now I force myself to listen.
I do have a tendancy to not communicate very well. I think much faster than I speak sometimes, and of course when the brain is running a 1 Ghz, and the mouth is a 486, things get lost. After reading about the talking stick, maybe I should carry one with me. At least it would be a great conversation starter.
| I'm A Bit Of Both Though I Am More Introvertive. I Usually... ||Jun 25th. at 1:34:21 am EDT|
|Angela McMullen (Montoursville, Pennsylvania US) ||Age: 22 - Email |
I'm a bit of both though I am more introvertive. I usually find myself listening more than talking. Actually it depends on how well I know the person. If I know someone really well than I usually do more talking. If the person is more of an aquaintance I'll listen more. I'll speak a little bit especially if the aquaintance and I have some common ground but I'm more or less quiet.
| I Took Four Of The Suggested On-line Test; Two For Seriousness And... ||Jun 25th. at 10:02:27 am EDT|
|Kerry Marie McGrath (Warren, New Jersey US) ||Age: 33 - Email |
I took four of the suggested on-line test; two for seriousness and two for fun. On the "Introvert/Extrovert Test" I scored a 36 which says that I am an introvert (although others may think quite to the contrary). On the "Communications Skills Test" I scored a 56 with a note that more or less said "not bad but you could use some work." Since one of my former beaus nicknamed me the "green-eyed monster" years ago, I thought the "Jealousy Test" would be appropriate (well, that and the fact that my current beau insists that I should seek therapy immediately!) I scored a 33 on the general test, with a 43 for emotions & thinking, but a 22 with behavior. So I guess only the lucky guy and me get to experience the "joy that is me!" I took the "Snob Test" because I've been accused of that (behind my back) but I only came out with a 45 so I guess that isn't THAT bad. Then for the heck of it, I took the "Dysfunctional Famkily Test" and surprisingly we're not that bad (25 -- but I guess this is by comparison to the likes of the Jerry Springer show, and yeah, we have more class than that!)
Relationships (w/ men): I KNOW I TALK TOO MUCH! Friendships (women and men, but mostly women): we're all a bunch of chatterboxes, but we all keep right up with each other and nothing falls through the cracks. Professionally: I have a tendency to feel ignored by other women while the men are better listeners. (Or they aren't really listening!) Family (siblings): Given that I'm the "baby of the family, " they know everything and are quick to tell me how to live my life regardless of whether or not I am even asking!
To summarize it all, I feel more comfortable with friends and family than I do with anyone else. I feel that I do have the appropriate balance as a listener and a talker. On the job, I try to keep my mouth shut. As a matter of fact, I'm trying to stop acting like "Dear Abby" with my family and friends because after my separation, divorce, etc., I'm learning that it is healthier for me to just be a good friend and listen to people's problems but not be so quick to share my thoughts just because something worked for me.
With age comes wisdom...
| I Took The Introvert/extrovert Test And Got A 52 Which Is... ||Jun 25th. at 10:41:36 pm EDT|
|John (Pietermaritzburg) ||Age: 27 - Email |
I took the Introvert/Extrovert test and got a 52 which is in the middle. That's about right. There are times when i am very extroverted (some have accused me of being egotistical which i am not but i know why they accuse me of such) and other times i just want to be by myself. I am used to being by myself because few people understand my Politics or Spirituality and i am not prepared to lie about that to satisfy anyone. But i wish i wasn't alone so much. People have always moved in and out of my life. Sometimes i have been glad about that, other times the wrong people have drifted away (people i have tried to keep in contact with but have drifted away anyway.
P.S. Excuse me if i sound melancholy, i am just thinking a lot about a lost love(doesn't everyone have one or several of those). I sometimes get too melancholy when i think about lost loves.
| I Find That I Am, Most Often, A Talker. The General Rule... ||Jun 26th. at 1:43:50 pm EDT|
|Bronwyn (Keene, New Hampshire US) ||Age: 30 - Email |
I find that I am, most often, a talker. The general rule of thumb on that seems to be that to be a "talker" by nature is somewhat negative; thatwe are perhaps rude or indifferent to others. I have certainly had experienceon that side. There have been many times, especially in my younger days, when being "chatty" has gotten me into a heap of trouble: at school, interrupting people's conversations, not letting friends get a word in. But those poor attributes seem to have been a matter of lack of maturity and temperance.
I have since learned that a talkative nature, much like many other qualities that can be negative if they are allowed to go unchecked (sensetivity becoming hyper-sensetivity, ambition becoming aggression, etc.)can become an asset in many ways. I find it easy to approach others and engage people in conversation, in a room where the atmosphere is too reserved and quiet, just let us talkative people loose and things pick up. With shy people, I am often able, by offering myself up verbally first, to draw them out of their shells. I am not afraid to offer my opinion, nor to speak up for myself and any other who may need my help.
Being on the talkative side can be a marvelous tool, Bravo to all the chatter-boxes! Just don't forget, once you have initiated the gab, how important it is and how much we can all learn, from letting others have their say, too!
| I Think That In General I Am An Intorvert, Becuase I Am... ||Jun 27th. at 12:18:09 pm EDT|
|Arielle (Seattle, Washington US) ||Age: 43 - Email |
I think that in general I am an intorvert, becuase I am in many ways a very private person. I know that some of the people I work with think they know me well and really know very little. Yet when I am together with my extended family, we are all chatting and very active in our conversations. It has been overwhelming for some people knew to the situation, and some of them just fit right in. But in public we fit all levels of intro- and extroverts. For me, it seems to be who I am comfortable with, and whether they would be comfortable with all aspects of me. I don't really discuss religion with many people, and there have never been any religious discussions at work - but then I think I may be the most "religious" person there! I have gotten to a point in life where I am going to do what is right for me, but I was raised not to be in everyone's face about my personal choices. Any choices that don't effect them are probably not their business anyway. But maybe that attitude is the intorvert in me talking!
| I'm Really Weird, Expecially At School. Most Of My Friends Wouldn't Have... ||Jun 27th. at 7:33:31 pm EDT|
|Dark Rose (Welilington, New Zealand) ||Age: 13 - Email |
I'm really weird, expecially at school. Most of my friends wouldn't have a clue how to classify me, because I'm class clown (yes thats right ^.^!) and one moment I'll be standing on top of a desk 'trying' to sing opera and then I'll just decide I need some quiet time and I'll get down and say "okay I'm gonna go off into a corner now" and of I go...And I'll look sullen and sulky for an hour or two. People have got used to my On/Off habits and no one questions me anymore. I'm an introvert 36% according to the first test, but my communication skills are at 79%. I'm a talker and a listener. People come to me If they have issues knowing I will listen and give thoughtfull advice (guess how I got the nickname at school "the almighty wise one" ???) however I very rarely ever talk about personal stuff with anyone but my most intimate friends. And even then I still find myself holding back a truckload of stuff - I guess I just don't like anyone to know me fully.
I'm an exellent debator and a well known public speaker so I'm not afraid of talking.(and yes I have a huge ego-hey I'm working on it, and believe it or not its a false ego because I also have a very bad case of depression and self-hate :)!) But people think I'm not a listener when I'm to into a conversation, That isn't true. I may get a little 'too' involved and get a teensy tiny bit carried away in that no one can get a word in edgeways- but when they do talk wether or not I look like it I do listen. I store it all away in my head so that I create a little profile of everybody I know in my mind. I'll take the info away and think deeply on it later.
To conclude-I'm basically an introvert because I like to be alone to recharge my 'batteries' but I'm not afraid to speak out.
| Oh, I'm A Talker, No Question About It, Though I Do Try... ||Jun 28th. at 3:13:54 pm EDT|
|Aedh Rua (New Richmond, Wisconsin US) ||Age: 35 - Email |
Oh, I'm a talker, no question about it, though I do try to listen. There, now that we've established that, I think I will listen to some of your responses.........
| Well, According To The Introvert/extrovert Test, I Am So Middle Of... ||Jun 29th. at 11:33:33 am EDT|
|ƒowyn (Western, Massachusetts US) ||Age: 28 - Email |
Well, according to the Introvert/Extrovert test, I am so middle of the road that it is boring. I tend to agree however, but for different reasons. It's not that I run middle of the road ... it's that I run both extremes and somewhere in the middle lies the truth. I'm in sales so I have to be somewhat extroverted, especially when I am working a trade show. And I am an actress, which definately demands that I be outgoing. I also have the worst stage fright and am so camera shy that I'm not sure there is a picture of me that is less than 10 years old in existance.
As for talker vs. listener ... I do both, though I prefer to talk. I am a great storyteller. I'm also a good friend and when someone needs a shoulder to cry on or some simple advice, I'm right there.
Maybe being middle of the road isn't so bad after all....
| I Feel I Am More Of A Listner, Which, Oddly Enough Always... ||Jun 29th. at 4:54:42 pm EDT|
|Cougar Nightstar (Gardner, Colorado US) ||Age: 17 |
I feel I am more of a listner, which, oddly enough always has people asking me for advice. Maybe they feel it's some sort of sign of wisdom, or something like that.
| How Ironic That This Question Is Being Posed Just As The United... ||Jun 30th. at 5:11:31 pm EDT|
|Karen Noel (Billings, Montana US) ||Age: 30 |
How ironic that this question is being posed just as the United States is about to celebrate its freedoms...including freedom of speech and religion!
I am a Listener. I have been frustrated with school teachers who do not read closely enough a short, succinct essay in which every pronoun and every preposition have been chosen with careful precision so that each word and its connotations are extremely important to the meaning of the piece. It's like eating a scoop of chocolate-fudge-ripple ice cream by meditating on each spoonful, instead of gulping down the bowl as fast as possible.
My secondary pet peeve is when people don't listen the same way.
My primary pet peeve is when people choose to have only "dialogs" instead of "conversations" on issues. Conversations are much more important. See
secondary pet peeve, above...
One of my favorite authors is Chinua Achebe, born in Nigeria. One of his best essays is "Language and the Destiny of Man." This essay ties in with Wiccans' and shamans' respect for the magic of words and the power they wield, particularly in regard to spells. He mentions the following 2 sets of verse:
Inuit poem "Magic Words" ('Shaking the Pumpkin' anthology edited by Jerome
That was the time when words were like magic
The human mind had mysterious powers.
A word spoken by chance
might have strange consequences.
It would suddenly come alive
and what people wanted to happen could happen -
all you had to do was say it.
And every phrase
And sentence that is right (where every word is at home,
Taking its place to support the others
The word neither diffident nor ostentatious,
An easy commerce of the old and hte new,
The common word exact without vulgarity,
The formal word precise but not pedantic,
The complete consort dancing together)
Every phrase and every sentence is an end and a beginning
and Achebe notes, "We all stand to lose when language is debased, just as
every one of us is affected when the nation's currency is devalued..."
In his summary Achebe concludes with an African myth:
As an act of creation] men send a message to their Creator as a plea for immortality, and the Creator is disposed to grant their wish - except that something goes wrong with the message at the last moment, and this bounty which mankind has all but held in its grasp, this monumental gift which would would have made Man more like the Gods, is snatched from him forever.
'This lesson should be clear to all. It is as though the ancestors, who made language and knew from what bestiality its use rescued them, left us also adequate warning, wrapped in symbols, against its misuse, saying to us: Beware of interfering with [language's] purpose! For when it is seriously interfered with, then it is disjoined from truth, be it from incompetence or from malice, and horrors can descend again on mankind.'
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