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Posted: Sep. 8, 2002
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Question of the Week: 45 - 6/11/2001
Who Do You Trust?
'Perfect Love and Perfect Trust' is an instruction that Wiccans find in the words of the Goddess. Even if you are not Wiccan, trust is an element that can have a profound effect in any relationship. Who do YOU trust? How did this person, group, organization or cause win your trust? Has your trust ever been betrayed? How did this make you feel and what did you learn from the experience? Are YOU trustworthy? What is YOUR definition of 'trust'?
| Reponses: There are 22 responses posted to this question.
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| Well Met, Everybody :) Trust Is A Very Worthy Thing Nowadays And One... ||Jun 11th. at 4:41:18 am EDT|
|Anufa Ellhorn (Vienna) ||Age: 36 - Email |
Well met, everybody :)
Trust is a very worthy thing nowadays and one of the things most misused too.
How to find out who is trustworthy and who is not?Some of us, like me, had to learn it the hard way - some have natural talent in reading people without letting their head get louder than their feelings.
My way of deciding whom I do trust is quite easy but shaped through my personal experiences, so it for sure is not THE way for everybody.
I look at peoples lives and personal outcomes. Do they lead a live that feels "round" for me? Do they do what they "preach"? Do their features tell me, that they are basically happy? Do they act, the way I would accept it to be ethically?
Questions like that silence my head :)
My feelings go with the energy of a person... There I had to learn a lot, as quite some of the spiritual people are able to use glamour to mask themselves. But I found out, that this does not last too long. It is quite an effort to hold the mask up and consumes a lot of energy. One just has to be careful and wait...
| The First Person That Comes To Mind Is My Mother. It Still... ||Jun 11th. at 12:17:16 pm EDT|
|Kerry McGrath (Warren, New Jersey US) ||Age: 33 - Email |
The first person that comes to mind is my mother. It still fascinates me how she was able to have six individual relationships with her six children all living under the same roof. (And a small roof at that!) I wish she was still alive so I could tell her. The second person that comes to mind is my former husband. Our divorce wasn't one with the "classic" signs; I'm so grateful that "trust" wasn't the issue there. I still trust him; I just avoid him so as not to still depend upon him. It is probably also psychologically damaging to both of us also. I have three wonderful sisters that I "trust" although I don't feel that they are "there for me" but that isn't really the same thing. I have very few close friendships but I do trust all of them. I would say I'm a very blessed woman! I'm one of those super sensitive Cancer luna-loonie bird girls whose feelings are hurt very easily so I feel like my trust is betrayed on almost a daily basis, but I'm glad to say that I'm getting better (I think...) Most of my problems are brought on upon myself. As far as the people that have betrayed my trust, they aren't a part of my life any more, so I can't complain (again, I should feel blessed!) I think that I am very trustworthy but unfortunately I must admit that I have fallen off of that mark. "I didn't mean to do it, " but I guess we've all been there. Those experiences I'll learn from the most -- the ones where I've affected others, rather than the ones that have affected me.
I guess trust to me means a feeling inside that makes me feel safe, loved, supported, accepted. Someone I can share with and not be embarrassed about that person laughing their tail off, exploiting me, or sharing personal feelings with others.
We all need at least one person that we can trust. At least I know that I do.
| We Trust The Sun Will Rise Tomorrow. We Trust Our Banks Will... ||Jun 11th. at 2:00:46 pm EDT|
|Withheld (Not in Kansas anymore) ||Age: 37 |
We trust the sun will rise tomorrow.
We trust our banks will guard our cash.
We trust our children will be safe when we send them to school.
We trust our drive home will be accident free.
We trust our partner/spouse to be faithful (whatever faithful means in your relationship)
The first of the trusts will someday not happen, the rest of the trusts will be violated, maybe not to you today or ever, but to somebody today and everyday. However we hold these trusts because to not hold them means that we will not be able to live our lives.
I think we put our trust in more things than we realize. But its the personal trusts, the ones we control completely as to whether to give them or not, that are perhaps the mostly keenly felt when they are betrayed.
The ultimate compliment, for me, is to be trusted completly by someone else. I try my very best to be trustworthy. But, being trusted can be a burden as well as a joy. I can count on two hands the number of people I truly trust. If I don't count my immediate family members that number drops to people I can count on one hand. My definition of trust would encompass a number of things, if someone trusts me with something I believe it is my duty to put whatevever that is before my own wants or needs, to guard it as the person who has entrusted whatever it is to me would guard it themselves. This applies to whether the trust is to guard something physical or to hold a confidence. I don't think very many people make it into adulthood - much less into their 30's - without their trust being betrayed. I don't mean the "my best friend went out with my boyfriend" teenage angst sort of betrayal (but for some that might be a true total betrayal) but the take your breath away, heartbraking "I never thought in a million years that this person would do this to me" sort of breach of trust - the breach of trust that makes you realize the unfathomable has becomes real. Personally I believe that the loss of childhood innocence happens the moment a person first feels a true betrayal of trust; for some it comes very early for others it might not be until we are in our 20's or later. My trust was betrayed early in my study of Wicca when someone I love and regard as a teacher and who had talked to me a great lengths about 'Perfect Love and Perfect Trust' "outed" me as a Witch to one of his co-workers in a careless moment of religious discussion. I only found out about this betrayal when I was approached by the co-worker and asked point blank if I was a Witch. I still love the person who betrayed my trust (I was engaged to him at the time and I am married to him now). And yes, I do still trust him - I could have never married him if I did not. It took a lot of soul searching though before I could deal with the breach. I forgave him his breach of trust, and that in itself is extending trust. (For the record I do know outing another Witch is one of the ultimate BIG no-nos, and should never be done - I have not looked it up in the OED, but I understand the term warlock means "oathbreaker.") I knew what my then fiance did was not done maliciously but was done carelessly. That carelessness almost cost us our marriage, and still costs us (costs me anymany, I would be lying if I said there is still not pain when I think of this, and perhaps a little less trust than one should have for their spouse). Please understand, we have a wonderful marriage and life, but there is less now than there was before. All it took was a momentary lapse of thought and he literally changed our lives forever.
| Trust, To Me Is The Belief That The Other Means Me No... ||Jun 11th. at 2:42:13 pm EDT|
|shepsut (columbus, Ohio US) ||Age: 30 |
trust, to me is the belief that the other means me no harm. i have only found one person who meets this standard absolutely. everyone else, it comes in degrees. my lifemate, i don't even trust , but we are rebuilding that. my guru is the only one i trust absolutely, and it took me a long time before i could decide to put my faith and trust in His wisdom and connection to God/dess.
| I Trust Very Few People In My Life. This Is Due To... ||Jun 11th. at 3:59:14 pm EDT|
|9;2;2 (Derby, Kansas US) ||Age: 16 - Email |
I trust very few people in my life. This is due to what I have experienced, both good and bad (unfortunately, more bad than good). There are only three people I trust enough to save my life. As for everyone else, well... I trust them about as far as I can throw them.
Brother Joe is one of the two. We have known each other for more than 10 years, we've helped each other walk when tiems were dangerous, we've cried on each other's shoulders, we've laughed numerous times together, we've shared our lives together during the ups and downs of life. Heheh, I make us sound like a bf and gf... we're not blood-related, but we do the "brother-sister" thing.
Jenny is another dear, trusted one and very close to me. We've shared similar attachment as I have with Joe, and she has been there for me when the worst thing that had ever happened to me brought my life crashing down around my ears when I was but a child. This event is known to about 5 people. It is something I refuse to talk about *period*.
Vendetta is also a close friend of mine, a more recent one. I haven't known her all my life, but we spend many a good and bad time together. We're both helping to raise her younger sister in the path of Wicca, and we're visiting a friend this summer.
My trust has been betrayed numerous times. I have trusted someone to take me to a job interview. They never showed up and gave me a lame excuse. I have trusted some people with several of my belongings, and they ended up stealing them. I have never trusted anyone with my secrets, even those listed here don't know all of them. I tend to be a very defensive person, and may sound paranoid, heheh. I'll shut up now o_O;;
All I can say is, don't put your trust in everyone and everything. Use your past experiences, judge carefully.
| I Trust Very Few People. Trust, I Believe, Is Something That's Earned... ||Jun 12th. at 12:40:59 am EDT|
|Angie McMullen (Montoursville, Pennsylvania US) ||Age: 22 - Email |
I trust very few people. Trust, i believe, is something that's earned not given away. People in the past have hurt me dearly when I just gave them my trust. I learned from these experiences that it's something a person works toward and that it takes time. In order for me to trust a person I look for respect, honesty and the ability not to gossip behind my back. That is how I treat other people and I expect the same back.
| Get Ready For A Book Type Opinion) Trust, Five Little Letters, Seems... ||Jun 12th. at 12:21:33 pm EDT|
|Lore (Caledonia, Missouri US) ||Age: 22 - Email |
(Get ready for a book type opinion)
Trust, five little letters, seems like it should be easy to do doesn't it? Like you should look at a person and say right away "I trust that person" or "There's no way I'll ever trust them" but as with all things in life, nothing's ever that simple. Trust is something that must be earned from me through months and years, it's something that comes in varying degrees. I trust my family more than friends, my friends more than aquaintances, and my girlfriend most of all.
I have a wide range of trust in myself, when it comes to casting or practicing the craft I have large trust, when it comes to some other things, sometimes as simple as writing a letter, I can lose trust casue I have a selective memory.
To win my trust you must work at it. Often after a month or two I will trust a person a little, perhaps with widely known parts of myself or perhaps to get a glimpse at the real me... after a year I will share secrets with that person, and sometimes, only sometimes after a longer period I will share deeper secrets. My family I trust with my life and wellbeing of body, I know that they will not leave me in the elements to perish but perhaps will let me feel a little hardship if I bring it upon myself before offering aid. My girlfriend I trust with everything, my heart, my soul. She is the one and only person who gets to see the one true me in all my flaws and good. My deepest secrets which I will tell no other living being are hers and when a problem, big or small, comes to me I will seek my sanctuary in her.
She is perhaps the one who I feel will never betray my trust, I have had many 'friends' through my life who have betrayed me and that experience taught me above all else, be careful who you trust and how much you trust them. I pride myself on how trustworthy I am, I have taken the confidences of most of my friends and will carry those to my grave with me, never to pass through my lips nor my hands.
And as for the definition of trust.. it would take a novel to write that, it is so many different things to so many different people.. to me, trust is having a time around certain people, when I'm not paranoid of what they could do.. and if I trust a person outright which is rare, I will not be paranoid at all..
| To Begin, I Apologize That This Will Probably Seem Like More Of... ||Jun 12th. at 3:35:46 pm EDT|
|Shandeigh Fay (San Bernardino, California US) ||Age: 19 - Email |
To begin, I apologize that this will probably seem like more of a rant than an opinion. I've been wishing lately that I could trust certain people in my life more.
There are three people in this world that I trust completely: my mother, my best friend (who is more like my sister) and my fiance. I can tell them anything, no matter how personal or embarrassing. They are the first people I run to with good news. They have never let me down and are always there for me when I need them.
There are two people who I trust as much as I can. I'll call them R and V. I trust R almost like my mom, best friend and fiance, but because of reasons that I understand and accept, she can't be there for me. We live in different states (although I'm in a different state from my best friend, so that doesn't always matter) and she is going through some very hard times. So it isn't that I don't trust R, but we've grown apart quite a bit over the last few years. V is an important friend to me, but she has flaked out on me twice when I really needed her help. I've forgiven her, because I know she has problems with relationships of all kinds (family, lovers, friends), but I can't help being a little distant from her.
Someone I really want to trust is my fiance's mother. We'll call her W. I like her most of the time, but she tends to get preachy about any and everything. W is the classic know-it-all person. She claims to be Christian and often talks about this big earthquake that's going to hit when Jesus comes back. But when I'm sitting around the house reading one of my Pagan oriented books, she starts bragging about her supposed psychic abilities and speaks to me as if I'm just a young person who doesn't know the first thing about anything occult. "Your tarot cards must be given to you" is something she once told me when I tried to start a conversation about my interest in reading the tarot. Some believe this, some do not. I do not. W is not the only person I know like that. My fiance's friend (I'll call him L) constantly tries to challenge me on my knowledge of Paganism. At first I just thought it was friendly conversation when he would ask me did you know blah blah whatever type questions. Turns out, L thinks I'm ditzy. He assumes I saw the movie 'The Craft' and decided Paganism was cool. This is why I shy away from group things, because I'm afraid that people with more experience won't take me seriously, because I'm young and new to Paganism.
I guess this is the end of my rant... That felt good! BB everyone. :)
| You Trust Yourself Is Who. Or You Learn That People Are All... ||Jun 12th. at 4:36:06 pm EDT|
|Tara (Pasadena, California US) ||Age: 29 - Email |
You trust yourself is who. Or you learn that people are all on their own paths, and make different choices in life than you do. Acceptance in either instant is the correct answer. If you trust someone and they for some reason betray your trust wouldnt that then be a lesson to you and perhaps a lesson to them? My opinion is that no lesson is worthless.
On the flip side of that perspective is based on experience. If you have been taken advantage of in the past all you can do is learn from that experience and not allow it to happen again. Use your experience, and your lessons (blessings) and go forth to learn.
| Trust Is Not Something One Can "place' In Someone Else. Trust Has... ||Jun 13th. at 11:56:09 am EDT|
|Dyan (Potter Valley, California US) ||Age: 41 - Email |
Trust is not something one can "place' in someone else. Trust has to come from within. The only one who's trustworthyness I can control is myself.
Therefore I trust a great deal; I trust others will be sometimes be jerks, make mistakes, love me, hate me, have good or bad intentions.
I trust that humans will behave like humans, horses like horses, cats like cats, dogs like dogs. I try not to impose the standards of horse or dog trust on humans (That would be unfair and doom the humans to failure).
I trust in Nature and the circle of life, that it will change and grow whether I "trust" it or not. For these reasons, I don't feel I have been betrayed, unless I have betrayed myself. This trust allows me to feel centered and at peace most of the time; a skill that took some years and process to achieve.
| Imho Trust Is Earned, Not Something To Give Without Due Consideration. Now... ||Jun 13th. at 12:44:46 pm EDT|
|Trish Telesco (western, New York US) ||Age: 41 - Email |
IMHO Trust is EARNED, not something to give without due consideration. Now, having said that I'll admit more than my fair share of naieve trust. I have this innate belief that people are *good*, and as a very social creature I tend to see the best of them (perhaps with slightly rosey glasses). Have there been times when that bit me on the butt? Yes. It hurt, and it changed the dynamics of trust the next time the equation came up, but only with regard to the specific area in which trust was betrayed. The good news is that I am learning to recognize when trust has been abused a little more quickly
I expect a lot from the people I call friends -- those I welcome into my figurative Circle. That is the main core of where trust lies (that and with Spirit). You cannot choose family (and not everyone in everybody's family deserves trust), but you can choose Circle/Tribe. If you do so wisely, these will be people worthy of perfect trust.
However, I must warn that all of us are prone to screw ups. Even the most trusted of friends can (and will) periodically fail on a trust issue, often simpy by not realizing something was said/done in that all-elusive "trust". Thus I would counsel all of us to make our definitions of trust clear and to delineate what is being said and done in confidence and what is open for sharing. If you do not, you cannot blame another for purportedly breaking your trust -- they broke nothing! You never told them! Along the same lines I think we need to make room for people to be people (to err is human to forgive...). I will generally give people more than one chance in the trust arena because it's not something to which we're overly accustom to upholding in a superficial "do as I say, not as I do" society.
| Trust For Me Is A Very Important Issue, And A Difficult One... ||Jun 13th. at 4:15:38 pm EDT|
|Aedh Rua (Prophetstown, Illinois US) ||Age: 35 - Email |
Trust for me is a very important issue, and a difficult one. When and whom to trust, and how much, is for me one of the hardest and most painful of life questions. Right now, I trust at most one or two other people, both of whom I have known for many years. Both of these people earned my trust by long years of honesty, integrity, and just by not betraying me in that period of time. Other than this, I trust no one, and nothing -- no organization, no cause, no movement, no group.
I am not even totally sure of the Gods, though I try to trust them. I try very, very, hard.
Pagans talk very much about trust. It is one of the few topics of discussion, or points of rhetoric shared by both Wiccan-type neo-Pagans, and Asatru-type Heathens. Unfortunately, neither Pagans nor Heathens seem to act on it very well, but instead betray one another's trust routinely. Gossip, backbiting, and dirty personal politics are, it would seem, staples of almost every movement or group, including Paganism.
My own trust has been betrayed, many, many times, by a lot of people. I have betrayed the trust of others at various times, but I wish never to do so again.
The saddest thing, to me, is that trust and the sense of trust are really at the center of Pagan spirituality. In many Wiccan circles, the password is "Perfect Love and Perfect Trust". It is how Pagans are supposed to come to the circle, how we are supposed to relate to one another, the core of our tribal community. So, why is it that most covens break up rancorously, and so many Pagans turn on one another?
We must do better, if we wish to survive as a people, if we wish to be worthy of survival.
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