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Posted: Sep. 8, 2002
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Question of the Week: 4 - 8/27/2000
The Broomcloset-In or Out?... What's YOUR View?
Some Pagans feel that it might be better if everyone Pagan was just open about their beliefs. Some, on the other hand, are sick of 'in your face' Pagans or groups. Others feel that in some areas of the country being "in" is almost a necessity. But we've also heard some background grumbling that expresses rather resentfully that those who remain hidden are simply reaping the benefits earned-while experiencing none of the backlash-by those who are openly fighting for pagan rights.
The apprehension of what the impact of openly declaring a pagan belief might be on a family or work relationship is as much a concern in the decision-making process as what the reaction of a neighborhood or community might be in other cases. So, are YOU in or out? How far out is 'too far' out? What are the pitfalls or the rewards? Why should everyone be out, in, or just make his or her own decision about the broomcloset occupancy rate.
| Reponses: There are 181 responses posted to this question.
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| I Am Very, Very Glad That There Are Pagans In The Broom... ||Aug 28th. at 11:54:23 pm EDT|
|Bell (Winnipeg, Manitoba CA) ||Age: 50 |
I am very, very glad that there are pagans in the broom closet, as well as out. We need both. The people ÒoutÓ, who present the public face of the craft, are necessary for any path not utterly concealed.
But the people ÒinÓ preserve the teachings and the practice when society goes looney. They also practice in private - another way to be strong. And I assume they keep sensitive specialized teachings alive which should not be widely available, as do all mature religions.
IÕve been ÒoutÓ at work, home, even church, everywhere for ten years. This has included radio shows and articles and classes and whatnot. In my area, this is a non-issue, scarcely raises an eyebrow. In all that time IÕve only been rebuked twice (not counting the educated caller who corrected my Gaelic pronunciation, and I wish heÕd call back, I need coaching...)
But one reason for the freedom I enjoy is the hard work put in by other local pagans, before I came on the scene. I appreciate it. But I am very glad the secret ones are out there, to hide me under their beds should our government move even further to the right than they are already. I donÕt pretend it couldnÕt happen.
| Hmmm.... Where To Begin.... Might As Well Start At The Beginning, Since... ||Aug 29th. at 12:00:42 am EDT|
|Erik Miller (North Delta, British Columbia CA) ||Age: 15 - Email |
Hmmm.... Where to begin.... Might as well start at the beginning, since that's only logical. =P
When I first started to research Paganism and Wicca, I kept it as secret as anyone could keep anything. Hiding books under piles of clothes (already coneniently strewn about my room), performing rituals in the dead of the night, and all that gobbledegook-ish activity that most people do when they're starting. I kept everything to myself for about 7 months due to the fact that I seem to have a steadfast fear of rejection.
The first person I told was my school counselor. I always knew she was extremely open-minded (well duh, she's a counselor) but I was still afraid to tell her. Man was I glad after I told her. It felt as though a huge weight had been lifted off my chest. She had been way more knowledgeable about it than I thought, and even tought me a few things. =)
Then I decided to take the plunge and tell a few of my friends. I am unbelievably close with them, which I guess made it a bit harder to tell. As it turned out, 2 of them were wiccan and the other knew all about it. "I'm uhhh... wiccan." "Really?? Me too!" "Okay this is just wierd. I'm wiccan too!!" =P
Ack. I'm blathering again. One more experience and then I'll wrap this up.
Here's the prerequisite tale of anyone who's out of the broomcloset: the parents. My mother, who can be quite... temperamental, was the first one I told. I had no clue as to how she'd react because my family never talks about religion. Turns out she's incredibly open and the reason that faith is never discussed is because she's an aetheist (which I never knew) and my dad's an agnostic. My mother encouraged me to continue exploring spirituality and actually was glad that I was "becoming a better and inspired person." Now that was a shock. =)
Anyways, to wrap this up...
My position is for pagans to come out of the broomcloset if they're in an area where they can feel safe doing so. Self-evicting yourself from the closet in, say, a Bible-Belt town wouldn't be the smartest thing to do. If you DO decide to come out, tell the people you care about the most first, then just stop hiding it from everyone. That way, the ones you care about won't feel as though they're getting the "wholesale treatment" as I like to call it. And you never know, they just might surprise ya. =P
I'll be going back to school (grade 11) in a week, and it'll be the first time that I've worn my pentacle openly at school. Wish me luck! =)
| During My First Year In College, I Often Saw These Funny Little... ||Aug 29th. at 12:03:04 am EDT|
|Nelli (Carmel Valley, California US) ||Age: 23 - Email |
During my first year in college, I often saw these funny little men running around with signs draped over their shoulders that said things like "repent" and "love Jesus", ranting about all the sinners. The list was long - it started with rock 'n' roll bands and went downhill from there. These fellows were always considered fair game for torment and mockery, as they had something insulting to say about nearly everyone on campus (it was a very liberal campus). One day, I passed one of these men as he was working himself into a fine froth about sin and redemption, and this incredible thing happened to me - i had this incredible moment of pure compassion. I *understood*, in the deepest sense of the word, this man's pain and fear. The depth of my compassion faded rather quickly - I am not very far on my own spiritual path - but the understanding remained. People like this man have to preach; they have to witness, to press their faith upon everyone they meet, becaus ethey are afraid that if even one person does not share their faith, it means, at some unconsious level, that they are wrong, and that their faith is meaningless. Yes, Christians are told that conversion is one of their duties, but it is all based in fear. Fear that acknowledging more than one religion invalidates one's faith. I have met "out" witches and pagans with this same frenetic energy, this same desperation to announce their faith, perhaps feeling that somehow, through announcing their faith, they are making it real. People who *know* their path are seldom prone to talking about it unless asked. there is a saying, "who is wisest, says least". Clearly, I am not very wise, as I have blathered on forever, and this is my second posting for this question... but anyway. I am writing to urge that we have compassion not only for those who must stay in their closets for fear of losing jobs, respect, family or lives, but for those who are "out" in a desparate attempt to make something real in their minds. These people are as frightened and lonely as those still"in", if for different reasons. And yes, while we are at it, I would urge compassion for those who try, through persuasion, logic, threats, etc., to "prove" to us that their faith is the only true faith. After all, the people they are really trying to convince are themselves. Blessed be...
| I Have One Foot In And One Foot Out. My Friends Know... ||Aug 29th. at 12:33:39 am EDT|
|Raven Moon (Belle Mead, New Jersey US) ||Age: 17 - Email |
I have one foot in and one foot out. My friends know I'm Wiccan, and so does my family. However, I don't walk around with a giant "WICCAN" sign on me. If someone makes a derogatory comment or has a question about my religion I answer/defend my religous beliefs. True, I don't tell many people about who I am. If I feel that the people abject to my views I try not to talk about them and throw them in thier face. I don't deny about who I am.
I feel that people should be comfortable with their religious choices. If it would make your situation especially difficult to come out of the broom the broom closet, then don't. If you feel proud of who you are (even in the face of discrimination) then remove your self from the broom closet.
One day, hopefully, every Witch, Wiccan, and Pagan will be able to be completely honest with everyone and stand in the living room with the rest of the world. Until that day comes, however, I feel it is the personal decision of the practicioner to stand in whatever storage space they feel necessary.
Those who make a bad name for Witches, Wiccans, and Pagans by being so open they are outside, and no longer in the living room with the rest of the world, are "too out". And those that stand in the dark so much so that they are afraid or unhappy are "too in". It's a delicate balance. It's a personal balance. One that is up to the individual.
| Wether I'm Actually "in" Or "out" Depends On What Circumstance You Are... ||Aug 29th. at 12:40:45 am EDT|
|Wayne Andrews (Siler City, North Carolina US) ||Age: 48 - Email |
Wether I'm actually "in" or "out" depends on what circumstance you are talking about. When considering my family, I'm *definitely* out!
About 5 months ago, I left a copy of the Wiccian Rede next to my computer in the bedroom, hoping Mom would discover it. Sure enough, she did with plenty of questions about the why's. The next month, I had no choice to continue living with my relatives. My brother who owns the property said that I had to plan living somewhere else. "I'm not going to let my brother practice Witchcraft around my kids!" was his response.
After a family discussion, my Mother told me that she respects my religion, and doesn't hold anything personally against me. This came as an utter shock!--Considering that my family are all Jehovah's Witnesses! Moving is not all bad--It can afford the opportunity for change. This kind of change, I welcomed.
For you Teenagers, this could be a real possibility to think about.
As far as other people in town or elsewhere, I'm partially "in" the Broom Closet. I need to work on courage. Perhaps it is best to take the advice of one person. Be polite and tell the other person that you respect the path that they have chosen. I have chosen my path. Have a nice day!
Thank you Fritz, for that wonderful inspiration!
Blessed Be Well,
Wayne Andrews, aka "Flying Eagle"
| Both For Me. I Don't Go Running Around Telling Everyone I Meet... ||Aug 29th. at 3:37:34 am EDT|
|Shanda (The Dalles, Oregon US) ||Age: 24 - Email |
Both for me. I don't go running around telling everyone I meet but I don't keep it to myself if asked. I do have one friend however that I don't bring up religon with at all, other than that I'm pretty open.
| For Quite A Long Time, I Was "in The Closet." I Guess... ||Aug 29th. at 3:39:21 am EDT|
|Gwydion Canu Bleidd (Memphis, Tennessee US) ||Age: 31 - Email |
For quite a long time, I was "in the closet." I guess that my story wouldn't sound a whole lot different from that of other Pagans--I really struggled with whether I should tell anyone, and I quite believed I was alone, despite the fact that I was brought to Paganism by (duh!) other Pagans. Then, too, there was that idea presented by the more cynical, jaded Pagans I've known that those new to the religion should be forced to stay locked in a closet for the first year or two (this also applies, in their opinion, to newly-converted Christians, who seek to convert everyone else while "spreading the Good News" hither, thither and yon). And having been burned a time or two at first, I did hold back on telling anyone; during my relationship with my ex-girlfriend who was a(n) (admittedly non-practicing) Southern Baptist, I was more or less held inside the closet by main force. She would demand of me that I *not* wear my Pagan jewelry or T-shirts in public here in Memphis, or around any of her friends. Consequently, I had a very hard time meeting anyone else, and my growth stagnated quite a bit until she and I broke up. Two months later, I attended the First Annual Pagan Pride Day here, and I haven't looked back since. I have simply decided that, in the words of Don Henley, "I will not go quietly/I will not lie down."
But then there is the question: Is such a bold move wise for everyone? Not necessarily. My current lover has two daughters she could easily lose if the wrong people found out she had been studying Paganism, and I already know I would do anything to protect her from that sort of harm, not to mention I would like those two little girls to know what it is that Mommy is studying, and that they too could become Pagan if they wanted to. That this sort of thing happens--that people lose jobs, lose children, and the respect of their own friends and families, and occasionally their homes and even lives because of their choice of religious beliefs--very much upsets me. To quote yet another songwriter, in this case Graham Nash: "In a land that's known as freedom/How can such a thing be fair?"
I think that the greatest reward of being out and known Pagan is that, once you are, you draw others to you and our community grows a little more and another voice is added to those already lifted in praise to the Goddess. I believe that it would be wonderful if everyone could be out and open, and that the rest of the world would, at last, accept us and embrace us as nice, normal folks who just follow an older (albeit revised and renewed) Path, who have real values and morals and virtues like them. Sadly, I fear we will always have intolerance to deal with, and thus it may be more prudent for some to remain in the closet; I would just be glad if those who are still very deeply in would allow themselves to be out at least to their fellow Pagans. Too many still aren't and won't be.
| After Reading Some Of The Problems People Have Telling Their Family, I... ||Aug 29th. at 3:50:02 am EDT|
|Renee (MistySpirit) (Whitehorse, Yukon CA) ||Age: 34 - Email |
After reading some of the problems people have telling their family, I have to count my blessings. I'm a practicing solitary in a small Northern community where there are only a handful of Witches in the entire Territory.
My husband & I share a home with my parents and there was no way I could hide something like this from them. One evening I sat them all down and explained everything. To my surpise, they were totally supportive!
My mother was more excited that I was (her sister is also a witch) and said that she knew I was "different" since I was young. I was told that throughout my family's history we had many relatives that were fey/seers/healers/shamans and that they knew this power had been handed down to me (I have been reading cards/people/animals for years).
My father, who is First Nations (Metis) said that he hoped that by studying Wicca I could learn more about my abilities / spiritual connections and that, as long as I didn't hurt anyone/myself he was happy for me.
My husband found it fasinating and the biggest problem I had was trying to convince him not to tell anyone.
I work at a place where Native Spirituality is encouraged and my beliefs would probably be totally accepted. However, I believe, like my parents (who are Catholic), that religion is a personal choice and I would not discuss my beliefs or anyone else's unless I'm asked. I have only been asked if I was a Witch once (while at a metaphysical store). At the time, I was rather skittish about "coming out in public" and said that I was a student of Wicca (which was/is true)which seemed to satisfy them.
| Personally, I Feel That One Should Readily "confess" To Being A Pagan... ||Aug 29th. at 8:33:56 am EDT|
|Shadwyll (Seattle, Washington US) ||Age: 25 |
Personally, I feel that one should readily "confess" to being a Pagan. In a day and age where "WWJD" (What Would Jesus Do) stickers are for sale in supermarket gumball machines, I've begun to grow concerned at the apparent lack of consideration for alternative religions, Pagan or not. Wearing my pentacle exposed to the world is like a reminder to myself and others -- there are other views and philosophies out there, not just "mainstream" Christianity. To think a mother really did (no joke) pull her son away from me after seeing my "satanic" symbol; it just goes to show that there needs to be a stronger (not militaristic, mind you) presence of Paganism presented to the world at large.
| I Am Out Of The Closet To My Husband, But In To... ||Aug 29th. at 8:53:14 am EDT|
|Willowhawk (Saginaw, Michigan US) ||Age: 28 - Email |
I am out of the closet to my husband, but in to the rest of the world. I don't hide my beliefs, but don't flaunt them either. If someone were to ask me about my beliefs, I would not say "I am Wiccan" because that closes their mind. Instead, I would tell them what I believe in and take it from there. It is good to point out "everyone could be wrong or right" because we never know. One of my favorite lines about religion comes from the movie Contact with Jodie Foster. Her character says "maybe people made up God so they wouldn't feel so small and alone in the universe".
| I Used To Be Both In And Out. I Live Six Hours... ||Aug 29th. at 8:56:11 am EDT|
|Grey (Carbondale, Illinois US) ||Age: 24 - Email |
I used to be both in and out. I live six hours from my (Catholic) family and so felt comfortable being out in my local community, but I was not out to my family, save for a select few. As part of my being and out, proud Pagan I agreed to be interviewed with another local Pagan for an article about Samhain in the local paper. Since it was a very local paper I just used my real name, as I said, around here anyone who knows me knows I'm Pagan. However, since then that paper has gone online and archived all it's articles, and my father happened to find that article when he was doing an online search on the family name this past July. So I am now out to my entire family. It's not as bad as I thought it would be. They don't totally understand, and are far from happy about it, but they still love me and are respecting my choice.
| I Don't Know If I Would Be Considered In Or Out. To... ||Aug 29th. at 10:26:21 am EDT|
|Kaicielia BlueDragon (Madison, Wisconsin US) ||Age: 24 - Email |
I don't know if I would be considered in or out. To anyone who walks into my house, my religious path is obvious. With books such as "To Ride a Silver Broomstick, " "Circle Round, " and "Wiccacraft for Families" displayed prominently in my living room, it would be hard for anyone to not know. And, when asked, I always answer truthfully, tactfully leaving the "W" word out of the conversation, because I have come to see that the word itself is what so many people have a problem with.
If the subject of religion or beliefs does not come up, however, I do not volunteer information. My books alone have caused enough grief with in-laws that I sometimes fear some conspiracy to separate me from my hubby and children. These fears are unfounded and based in an active imagination. The fears, however, are very real for me.
Yesterday was my son's first day of Kindergarten, and this will be a major turn in my life. I have the opportunity to help educate the youngest to what is true and false. I believe that, although I will do so low key and at times at a distance, I should do it. To avoid seeing my son go through much of what I have and know that I did nothing to temper the insults and possible violence when I had the chance, I will do what I can.
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