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Question of the Week: 113

Pagan Problem Children: What Can We Do About Them?

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 Author:    Posted: Nov. 17, 2002   This Page Viewed: 18,175,064  

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Question of the Week: 45 - 6/11/2001

Who Do You Trust?

'Perfect Love and Perfect Trust' is an instruction that Wiccans find in the words of the Goddess. Even if you are not Wiccan, trust is an element that can have a profound effect in any relationship. Who do YOU trust? How did this person, group, organization or cause win your trust? Has your trust ever been betrayed? How did this make you feel and what did you learn from the experience? Are YOU trustworthy? What is YOUR definition of 'trust'?

 Reponses:   There are 22 responses posted to this question. Reverse Sort 

The Short Answer Is No One. My Immediate Family Consists Of A... Jun 17th. at 6:31:07 pm EDT

Athena (Victoria, British Columbia CA) Age: 0 - Email

The short answer is no one. My immediate family consists of a teenage daughter who I *mostly* trust and a fundamentalist sister who I *mostly* trust. I've always been a solitary soul so don't have any best friend or even close friends. I have many, many acquaintances.

I tend to trust and believe each new person I meet until they prove otherwise. Recently I had the unfortunate experience of meeting a true sociopath, who gave me a big lesson in trust. Although I hadn't known him very long, and even though I was unemployed and struggling to support my daughter, I gave him many breaks to help him out - a place to live, reduced rent, paid him well to do some work. He repaid me by totally vandalising the house, refusing to pay even the reduced rent, taking me to court because he refused to leave the house he wouldn't pay for and totally wrecked, then stealing my purse and cell phone and racking up hundreds of dollars on the credit card until I discovered it missing and reported it.

Yet even still, I would probably listen to the next sob story that came along and try to help. Maybe instead of trusting nobody, I trust everybody!

I Trust Those Who Have Proved They Can Be Trusted. I Am... Jun 17th. at 2:55:55 pm EDT

Selene Silverpeace (Leeds, England UK) Age: 14 - Email

I trust those who have proved they can be trusted. I am always willing to give people a chance, but if they break that trust they have lost it. I trust my friends at school, apart from one. I told most of my friends when I became Wiccan and told them I had shared this with everyone I wanted to tell. Meaning they shouldn't go out and tell everyone I'm a witch. But one did, she shouted out in a History lesson. Luckily, the rest of my form were accepting and beautifully open-minded and this girl is still my friend, but if I had been bullied or taunted because of my religion and her thoughtlessness (is that a word?!) she would not be.
I am now more careful over sharing secrets, I should have realised my friend cannot keep her mouth shut!
BlessŹd Be.

Trust It's A Funny Word Ain't It. Almost Every Dictionary Has A... Jun 16th. at 11:23:44 pm EDT

Dark Dragon Rose (Welilington, New Zealand) Age: 13 - Email

Trust it's a funny word ain't it. Almost every dictionary has a different meaning written for it. Words like 'honour' 'pride' are like this also. If no one can agree on a written definition for words like these it tells me that these words go VERY deep and are really people trying to name things which are engraved into the blueprints of our souls.
One of the greatest thing about being a child is being innocent. Unfourtunately innocence makes us vunrable. When I was younger I used to be compleatly oblivious to the fact that some people just ain't trustworthy. I trusted everyone. I didn't realise that people lied, and broke promises. I didn't know that not everyone had the same sense of loyalty that I did, But let me tell you I learnt pretty damn quick.
Each time I gave my trust away and was returned with nothing but pain and hurt I became more wary. Unfourtunately I tugged myself into my own little world where I didn't trust anyone. I had realised the truth that when you trust, you open yourself up to being taken advantage of. So I trusted no one but myself, and as I failed time and time again I began to wonder about how trustworthy I myself was. I became more and more depressed, began to cut myself and tried to end my life even. The girl that found me and stopped me from slitting my wrists slapped me in the face- hard. She talked with me- and I explained how I couldn't trust anyone because I always ended up getting hurt. She looked me dead in the eye, and said "That maybe true, but I life without some trust is Unhappy and lonely. Youre the living example of that. It comes with using trust in moderation"
That woke me up.
Now 3 years later, after extensive counciling, I have learnt to trust again. I know that I may be hurt, but thats a risk I have to take for my own happiness.
Trust is what binds us together as people of the earth. Without it...well can you imagine a world without trust?

I am still hesitant with handing out my trust- people have to earn it. I trust my close friends, and my mother. But best of all, I trust myself.

In answer to the question am I trustworthy, Yes I am, to those that desearve it. To those that I respect, to those that I trust, And to those that need me to be trustworthy. When I give my word to anyone I adhere to it like IRON. I would die rather than break my word, and once I swear my loyalty to someone I stay loyal till I die (unless of course they break my trust or are not loyal to me)

In conclusion- Trust to me is a powerful force that can be good or bad. It needs to be used in moderation.To trust others You first have to trust yourself, Trust is fragile. Use it wisely.

It Would Be Hard For Me To Pick One Or Two People... Jun 15th. at 2:24:13 pm EDT

Phoenix (Houston, Texas US) Age: 29 - Email

It would be hard for me to pick one or two people that I trust. SO without leaving anyone out, I would have to say my family, my coven, and my closest friends. BUT, to put a few in the spotlight, I would have to say two that stand out the most are my father, and my Master Priestess.

My Master Priestess and I have been friends for about 15 years, and she was with me through most, if not all my life's trials. It is because of her that I owe a major amount of gratitude for the person that I became. I trust her decisions, and I trust her with my life as she does with me. We look out for one another and if one has a problem, there is never a hesitation as to the following action. We do not think about it, we just take care of business. I am her security, personal advisor, and her favorite "trusted" driver. She helped me to "grow up" and realize life through the eyes of reality, which at the age of 17 was null and void.

My father on the other hand, was also a major contributor to who I am today. He always kept me in check and was there for advice when I needed it most. I trust him with my life as well and trust that his deciions are for the best interest of me. He never tried to say anything ot me just to make me feel good. It was always the truth whether I wanted to hear it or not. He built my integrity and he built my perseverence to see things through.

To both of them, I take a bow out of respect for your time to care about me and make sure I didn't stray off the beaten path too far. For this I am eternally greatful! I look forward to the coming years of continuing growth

I Think I Trust People Easily. I Don't Want To Think Bad... Jun 14th. at 3:53:44 pm EDT

Jane Spacebat (Edinburgh, Scotland UK) Age: 20 - Email

I think I trust people easily. I don't want to think bad things and mistrust people, so I approach people with an open mind and trust. I guess I have been let down by people, but now I'm older it's easier to move on and not hold grudges.

I trust my parents, my boyfriend/bestfriend, my friends.
I don't trust my dog! Dogs are completely untrustworthy, especially around food. I do trust that she will love me (and I will love her) unconditionally.
I don't trust the government too much and I especially distrust the president of the US- look what he is promising to do to our planet!!!

I think that because I trust my boyfriend so completely, we have a better relationship than a lot of people I know.

I try to be trustworthy and always keep my promises, give as much help as I can. One thing I've learnt is never to promise too much....

My definition of trust is a sort of agreement that both parties aren't going to hurt each other, and are coming together for the greater good, not bad. I hope this makes some sense...

In My Opinion, Trust *must* Be *earned*. Quite Honestly, There Are Very... Jun 14th. at 2:28:38 pm EDT

Silverfire (Garland, Texas US) Age: 17 - Email

In my opinion, trust *must* be *earned*. Quite honestly, there are very few people in my life that I trust- only one of them in my immediate family (my mother- one of the most incredible people in the world). The other three are very close friends, any of whom I would willingly trust my life to.

Do I trust myself? No. Why? I've broken too many promises in my life- both to myself and others.

Has my trust ever been betrayed? Many times, most of them by the same person- my father. When I was younger I felt that it was my duty to trust him completely and so I opened myself to a world of hurt and pain. Eventually I learned better but then he would start asking me 'why don't you trust me?' especially when I was reluctant to answer a question that I knew would set him off. Then he would go off on one of his guilt trips.... he really should be a travel agent....

After Much Reflection, I Conclude That I Trust Implicitly Only My Husband... Jun 14th. at 10:06:20 am EDT

Susan (Saskatoon, Saskatchewan CA) Age: 34

After much reflection, I conclude that I trust implicitly only my husband and one very dear girlfriend. I feel saddened that I can not trust my immediate family. I also conclude that I can not fully trust myself - promises I have made I have broken, confidences that I should have kept I have not. I have much work to do.

Who Do You Trust? I Trust That Most People Have Grievances Against... Jun 14th. at 12:07:44 am EDT

Perrin (Denver, Colorado US) Age: 24

Who Do You Trust? I trust that most people have grievances against me for various reasons, some real, some not. Most of the people I trusted prior to this site stabbed me in the back to the point where I almost had to kill my best friend, but I showed some mercy, and let him live, albeit without clothes so that I could escape, but he is alive some where, hunting me. I think to some extent all of us have been betrayed in some manner, or most of us would not be here. Trust is also a fleeting thing, which is gone like the wind, or so the old proverbs say, & I cann't say I've found it any different today. I suppose for those like us we cann't trust our own eyes, and after what was done to mine I will never be able to again. I can not fully relate all the times I have been betrayed, it would fill your site with hatred, and most of your members would never go back to this site, but suffice it to say I trust 3 people, me, myself, and I, and they are I will ever trust again.

I like your site, it gives people a hope that tommorrow will be better, that there might be fewer betrayals, I doubt it, but may be it will happen that way. If anyone comes accross a church called Beth Eden stay well away from it, and the people inside, or you might not come back out, sane any way.

Trust For Me Is A Very Important Issue, And A Difficult One... Jun 13th. at 4:15:38 pm EDT

Aedh Rua (Prophetstown, Illinois US) Age: 35 - Email

Trust for me is a very important issue, and a difficult one. When and whom to trust, and how much, is for me one of the hardest and most painful of life questions. Right now, I trust at most one or two other people, both of whom I have known for many years. Both of these people earned my trust by long years of honesty, integrity, and just by not betraying me in that period of time. Other than this, I trust no one, and nothing -- no organization, no cause, no movement, no group.

I am not even totally sure of the Gods, though I try to trust them. I try very, very, hard.

Pagans talk very much about trust. It is one of the few topics of discussion, or points of rhetoric shared by both Wiccan-type neo-Pagans, and Asatru-type Heathens. Unfortunately, neither Pagans nor Heathens seem to act on it very well, but instead betray one another's trust routinely. Gossip, backbiting, and dirty personal politics are, it would seem, staples of almost every movement or group, including Paganism.

My own trust has been betrayed, many, many times, by a lot of people. I have betrayed the trust of others at various times, but I wish never to do so again.

The saddest thing, to me, is that trust and the sense of trust are really at the center of Pagan spirituality. In many Wiccan circles, the password is "Perfect Love and Perfect Trust". It is how Pagans are supposed to come to the circle, how we are supposed to relate to one another, the core of our tribal community. So, why is it that most covens break up rancorously, and so many Pagans turn on one another?

We must do better, if we wish to survive as a people, if we wish to be worthy of survival.

Imho Trust Is Earned, Not Something To Give Without Due Consideration. Now... Jun 13th. at 12:44:46 pm EDT

Trish Telesco (western, New York US) Age: 41 - Email

IMHO Trust is EARNED, not something to give without due consideration. Now, having said that I'll admit more than my fair share of naieve trust. I have this innate belief that people are *good*, and as a very social creature I tend to see the best of them (perhaps with slightly rosey glasses). Have there been times when that bit me on the butt? Yes. It hurt, and it changed the dynamics of trust the next time the equation came up, but only with regard to the specific area in which trust was betrayed. The good news is that I am learning to recognize when trust has been abused a little more quickly

I expect a lot from the people I call friends -- those I welcome into my figurative Circle. That is the main core of where trust lies (that and with Spirit). You cannot choose family (and not everyone in everybody's family deserves trust), but you can choose Circle/Tribe. If you do so wisely, these will be people worthy of perfect trust.

However, I must warn that all of us are prone to screw ups. Even the most trusted of friends can (and will) periodically fail on a trust issue, often simpy by not realizing something was said/done in that all-elusive "trust". Thus I would counsel all of us to make our definitions of trust clear and to delineate what is being said and done in confidence and what is open for sharing. If you do not, you cannot blame another for purportedly breaking your trust -- they broke nothing! You never told them! Along the same lines I think we need to make room for people to be people (to err is human to forgive...). I will generally give people more than one chance in the trust arena because it's not something to which we're overly accustom to upholding in a superficial "do as I say, not as I do" society.

Trust Is Not Something One Can "place' In Someone Else. Trust Has... Jun 13th. at 11:56:09 am EDT

Dyan (Potter Valley, California US) Age: 41 - Email

Trust is not something one can "place' in someone else. Trust has to come from within. The only one who's trustworthyness I can control is myself.

Therefore I trust a great deal; I trust others will be sometimes be jerks, make mistakes, love me, hate me, have good or bad intentions.

I trust that humans will behave like humans, horses like horses, cats like cats, dogs like dogs. I try not to impose the standards of horse or dog trust on humans (That would be unfair and doom the humans to failure).

I trust in Nature and the circle of life, that it will change and grow whether I "trust" it or not. For these reasons, I don't feel I have been betrayed, unless I have betrayed myself. This trust allows me to feel centered and at peace most of the time; a skill that took some years and process to achieve.

You Trust Yourself Is Who. Or You Learn That People Are All... Jun 12th. at 4:36:06 pm EDT

Tara (Pasadena, California US) Age: 29 - Email

You trust yourself is who. Or you learn that people are all on their own paths, and make different choices in life than you do. Acceptance in either instant is the correct answer. If you trust someone and they for some reason betray your trust wouldnt that then be a lesson to you and perhaps a lesson to them? My opinion is that no lesson is worthless.

On the flip side of that perspective is based on experience. If you have been taken advantage of in the past all you can do is learn from that experience and not allow it to happen again. Use your experience, and your lessons (blessings) and go forth to learn.

Blessed be,

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