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Posted: Nov. 17, 2002
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ExCUSE Me! Has Common Courtesy Become A Thing of the Past?
Is it just me or are people crabbier, ruder and less courteous than once was the norm? Have you ever received an email without any sort of greeting or salutation, but which ‘demands’ that you must do such-and-such for him/her and right now as well? Or perhaps had a parking spot stolen? Been given the one-finger salute? Been behind the person in the ten-items only line who has at least twice that amount? (C’mon! I know that you count them, too!) Held the door open for someone who obviously thinks that it must be your job or something and so has no need to thank you for YOUR courteous gesture? Tell us your horror stories! What can we do to make the world just a little better mannered?
For some background info, talking points and helpful suggestions, see: Courtesy by Chuck Gallozzi.
| Reponses: There are 97 responses posted to this question.
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| New Word For Polite ||Oct 15th. at 3:52:08 pm EDT|
|Terry (Utah) ||Age: 36 - Email |
I may be wrong, but it seems to me that when people are expected to be polite, the term that is now used is "Politically Correct." And Politically Correct is seen as a BAD thing! I don't think it is a bad thing consider whether or not what you are going to say or do is going to be offensive or hurt somebody's feelings! Just my opinion. Blessed be all!
| Manners, Manners, Manners ||Oct 15th. at 3:50:42 pm EDT|
|Erin (Wixom, MI) ||Age: 23 - Email |
I guess that I must make my opinion clear on this....manners are all but lost in today's society.
I hope to offend no one in this posting, however, I would like to share my own experiance.
I must, with tremendous disdain and embarrassment say that my generation and the parents that raised us has a lot to do with this lack of manners. I'm 23, and a lot of the people I grew up with had this "I don't care" attitude. They still do. Their parents were (and are still) rude and seem to not care, or not even notice the child. My own parents (when present) shoved me out of the room between puffs of smoke and told me to go play with my friends. Never a mention of manners or good will. It was my grandfather and grandmother (thank the goddess) who showed my manners. My parents, if you haven't already guessed, are from the 60's and early 70's.....yes, they're hippies...
Also, I must admit that I never had MUCH of a consideration for other people and their opinions (feelings I always did respect) until Sept 11, and that incident sort of woke me up and showed me that there isn't enough time in the world or in life for you to touch someone in a negative way...it would be much more karmically and heart fulfilling to touch a stranger in a positive way.
Maybe none of this makes any sense to any one else but me....I guess what I'm trying to say is that a lot of us need to wake up and see the bad side of things to understand the need for good...
And if you're a parent AND a hippie - at least pay attention to your kids....
Love, light, and serenity,
| Ahh..Proper Young Lady Training... ||Oct 15th. at 1:39:49 pm EDT|
|MoonOwl (Egypt Lake, Florida) ||Age: 39 - Email |
I think "Old School" manners are becoming a thing of the past. I was raised to be a "Proper Young Lady" (didn't help:}) in the old school tradition. Think of the movie Titanic. I hated it at the time - especially the pinches under the table when dining out.
Thank You notes for gifts, handwritten Christmas Cards, etc., etc.. These things have become lost arts.
I have a daughter and I am passing on what I have been taught.
I was surprised after September 11th that people seemed to be ruder instead of nicer. I personally have tried to be even more polite since then.
I've often wondered why this is. My personal motto is "Life's too short to be anal". Yet, I see it all the time. Maybe these rude people's lives are terrible. Maybe all these people are so busy in their lives they don't take the time that good manners take. Thou it takes no time to say "Thank You" when someone holds the door for you. I would like to think when my daughter is old enough to ride the bus, train, etc., she would give her seat to an elderly person or a pregnant woman without hesitation because it is the right thing to do.
I'm trying to raise her to think of others before herself - not an easy concept for a 4-year old to grasp - and treat all people, animals & our planet with respect.
Since both my mom and grandmother have passed on, "Proper Young Lady" training is a legacy I'm trying to pass on (even if it kills me:}). It's one way I can keep their memories alive for my daughter.
I do like the bumper-sticker I've seen.."Rude People Suck". Yes, they do.
Now, I am not perfect...Just listen to me rant about King Jerry or other small-minded individuals with no tolerance for other opinions. Especially when those opinions end up getting people killed. But everyday I try to do one "random act of kindness". Just because it's the right thing to do and I think this world needs more positive karma flowing. Because for me too, good manners are a way of me paying tribute to the matriarchs of my family that have given me soo much in this life to be thankful for. I'm also trying to make up for calling the driver that just cut me off an blooming idiot!!
I do have a cute tale..This morning my daughter had a play-date today with one of her preschool friends. Her mom is a serious Christian (I made sure my house was lived-in spotless after last's weeks article about the 91 cats - since she was headed to a "Daughter's of Christ" meeting afterwards!!). After about an hour we got to talking about getting ready for Christmas and she politely asked me if I celebrate Christmas. I guess my Goddess, Budda & Totem on my mantle clued her into the fact that I'm not a Christian. I can hear her now...I had no idea that woman was a pagan! But, she's so nice! But, boy her house was clean and her kid is very smart and polite and she's got more toys than mine does" (Yes, I do indulge my kid) My point being she was curious and asked politely. The question of the day is: Will she be back? I hope so. Even if it's just to get more info for her group: Outside of having very long hair, she looks like any other mom.. I would have never guessed by looking at her!:} I had to share that. It cracked me up. I don't judge her and hopefully she doesn't judge me. She seems very nice. We could even end up friends.
Manners Count! It's what separates us from rude people.
Y'all are lucky...a thunderstorm is coming and I must shut-down..
There's my 25 cents worth!
In Love, Light & Tolerance!
| Changing World ||Oct 15th. at 1:13:09 pm EDT|
|bryan (sc) ||Age: 35 - Email |
There are a lot of good posts to this question. I'm not sure if others have noticed it as well, but the smaller towns still have a few manners left in them. I guess there aren't enough influences clustered tightly together to make a dramatic impact. Nothing against population density though. I live in a very small town and commute to a rather large town to work. I see it every day. A lot of it is on the roads. I try to use the 1 hour trip home to reflect on the day, observe the world changing as I pass by daily, and sometimes "people-watch". With a lot of people waiting in traffic and some of them yelling and honking, others are influenced and some join in. We are influenced by our environments. We all need to remember this. WHAT WE GIVE OUT COMES BACK TO US!!! I have witnessed it all too much, hey, I've done it, regrettably. Yes, we're all human, maybe some of us can start acting that way. I occasionally may forget, but I try to do my part. Brightest Blessings to All.
| Courtesy Isn't Common Anymore ||Oct 15th. at 12:54:19 pm EDT|
|magefire (Easley SC) ||Age: 30 - Email |
I also work for a retail company and deal with the public. I have noticed the trend toward rudeness, abruptness and crudeness too. However, I am a memeber in a historical reenactors group that stresses courtesy and chivalry. It has almost become second nature for me to be courteous. I try to keep that in mind when I am dealing with a rude individual and have discovered that it usually sets them off guard when the rudeness is met with courtesy. (and I've even noticed that in some of the people it shames them into acting better.)
Just my thoughts. Blessed be
| In My Opinion... ||Oct 15th. at 12:49:51 pm EDT|
|Alley (Michigan) ||Age: 15 - Email |
It is my opinion that there are as many polite wonderful people out
there as there ever were. But now there are even more rude people, who lack common courtesy too.
The numbers may not have changed, simply put we are being exposed to more of these people.
But from the view of the lunch room at our local high school I'm thinking maybe I'm wrong in that assumption.
| I'm Still On The Fence ||Oct 15th. at 11:23:57 am EDT|
|Stefanie (Florida) ||Age: 24 - Email |
I'm not sure whether or not manners are still alive and well. I believe that the most incidents of
rudeness occur on the highway. I get flipped the 1-finger salute or honked at if I take too long waiting to cross six lanes of traffic (without a traffic light, mind you) and not wanting to wreck my boyfriend's truck. Generally, 99% of the time, I ignore these hurried persons because I know that they are in a hurry to get home just as much I am. However, this doesn't entitle them to think that I should risk my life and someone else's just so that they can get home or wherever they
are going 30 seconds faster. Most people down here are fairly pleasant (that whole Southern hospitality thing, I suppose). I am in customer service also and the majority of "cranky" customers are usually someone whose had their fill and refuse to take anymore. The behavior of people in public places has to be the worst I have seen in years. I don't know how some people get the idea that the world revolves around them and their "precious time". Unfortunately, these are the people that spoil everyone else's day and it makes no difference to them whatsoever. I have raised my two sons and will do so with my unborn child, to be polite, saying please, thank you, and even excuse me when they want to say something when someone else is talking (that is one of my biggest peeves) I can hope that they will grow up to be polite and helpful when they are grown.
| OH BOY ||Oct 15th. at 10:20:49 am EDT|
I totally understand the question and where the author of it is coming from. It's funny, because it's not just Pagans and Witches who are getting picked at anymore; it's everyone. I mean, yeah, I've gotten some nasty things said to me because I'm Wiccan, but still... Not just us, anymore. I think that people are really starting to feel the pressure of the times, and they're figuring "Hey; lets take it out on everyone else, because NO ONE has it worse than me" Sad, but sometimes... So true.
| IN A WORD ||Oct 14th. at 11:46:42 pm EDT|
OVERPOPLULATION. (THINK ABOUT IT)
| In Response To Peter's Statement.... ||Oct 14th. at 10:46:14 pm EDT|
|Jenn (Toronto, Canada) ||Age: 20 - Email |
The world is not black and white, good and evil. The world is filled with various colours, shades and hues. (just for the record, "colours" is the proper spelling in Canada)
The way we treat others reflects the way we treat ourselves. People who treat others with disrespect and cruelty usually have a problem or imbalence within themselves, it has nothing to do with "evil". When we are faced with difficulties, in my opinion, it is better to regard the situation from all angles and seek all outcomes and concequences rather than there is only a "right" way or a "wrong" way.
I'm not attacking your opinion. We all have our own paths, I'm just sharing mine. ;)
Injustices are a result of imbalence. It's just common sense to put yourself in anothers shoes, and be curtious.
| Oi Vai! ||Oct 14th. at 10:42:46 pm EDT|
|Morrighan (NC) ||Age: 24 - Email |
I don't know, as an educated person, if I should bring this up, but here goes...
After-church people are the worst customers in restaurants. They are rude, pushy, and eager to get up and walk out if only slightly affronted with the offering of the wine list. I have seen it happen. Restaurant bosses, at least the places I have worked, would tell you that after-church people are some of the rudest customers. I guess, having sat for so long, they're itchy, tired, and hungry. I would be too.
I also hate, and this happened a lot when I attended college, when you hold the door for someone and ten people pass through without even a thank you. Oh! I got mad once, yes, yes, patience and tolerance were thrown to the wing and I shouted, "I am not paid to hold the door for you people!" It felt good, though. ^_^
| This Is My Thought ||Oct 14th. at 9:31:01 pm EDT|
|Nikki Chase (Grifton, North Carolina USA) ||Age: 15 - Email - Web|
Yes indeed, as the generations pass on so do the corteus manners that once ruled among humans. Its sad, even tho at my age, I might be considered ignorant or iresponsible, I may say Im all the contrary, yet might I add I cant spell correctly sometimes. I do notice that mostly children and young adults have now lost most, or should I say ALL respect for properties, elders, animals, especially the peoples in need, like the homeless and needy. I can hardly bear the idea of what society has turned into, its pitiful! SO outrageous I can hardly believe it, tho what I see, is just the plain truth of what most humans have turned into, they have so much lack of respect!
Children younger than me already know words and umm 'items' that I had no clue existed untill I entered high school, they already cuss and fuss and argue with you could call babies, my gosh they are only kids that havnt even started living yet! Only 4 or 5 years old, and the first thing they learn is how to talk profanity, sometimes I am disscussted at how humans act, not all but,well you know who I mean, all those out there who think one sex is better than the other, or that one race is superior to some other.
I think that to solve some of the outraged problems going on here are to give those children a nice whoopin or just totally scrub their mouths out with the strongest soap there is! And that goes for me as well, because I know I am not no saint, althought I do try to be calm, and maybe I am one of the few kids my age to actually put some one else before my self, like an elder or just some one else.
The other day, I was at the Zone, a place where you go to play softbal, and this KID, about 3 or 4 years old, was standing in front of the door, and well the place was almost full cause it was game
day, and he started calling people thatwould pass by 'Knuckle heads'
For no reason at all, I just laughed, but then the little red neck tried to kick me, I got mad obviuosly, but I just walked out and left, I had already finished my game.
But Im sure I wont forget about it for a while.
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