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Question of the Week: 113

Pagan Problem Children: What Can We Do About Them?

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 Author:    Posted: Nov. 17, 2002   This Page Viewed: 12,696,010  

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Question of the Week: 81 - 10/13/2002

ExCUSE Me! Has Common Courtesy Become A Thing of the Past?

Is it just me or are people crabbier, ruder and less courteous than once was the norm? Have you ever received an email without any sort of greeting or salutation, but which ‘demands’ that you must do such-and-such for him/her and right now as well? Or perhaps had a parking spot stolen? Been given the one-finger salute? Been behind the person in the ten-items only line who has at least twice that amount? (C’mon! I know that you count them, too!) Held the door open for someone who obviously thinks that it must be your job or something and so has no need to thank you for YOUR courteous gesture? Tell us your horror stories! What can we do to make the world just a little better mannered? For some background info, talking points and helpful suggestions, see: Courtesy by Chuck Gallozzi.

 Reponses:   There are 97 responses posted to this question. Reverse Sort 

Mostly... Oct 19th. at 1:27:10 pm EDT

Treasa (PA) Age: 24 - Email

Yes, I think it mostly has. I try to be polite and courteous but unfortunately when people are rude to me I want to be rude right back. For some reason some people think it's all right to just ram right past you with their strollers and carts. I'm not bashing people with children but some people with children act like it's all right to be pushy and impolite just because they have their children with them. Like I said I'm not bashing people with children but in my area I have had a lot of bad experiences with people like that. I'm just saying it's not that hard to say, "excuse me." Once my husband and I were in a Wal-Mart and these 2 young girls were blocking the way to an aisle and he said, "excuse me." The one girl said she was sorry and moved out of the way and then the other one said, "I'm not." The one girl's attitude was completely uncalled for. It was like she thought it was "cool" to be rude and nasty. What she didn't realize is that she made herself look like an idiot. Another thing people don't do, that I consider discourteous, is that they won't acknowledge a person who is extending courtesy back to them, for example moving out of the way to let them through. I used to work in a department store and some of the attitudes I got from customers were simply atrocous. It's like they didn't know how to say thank you and didn't have the common courtesy to speak to me because I worked there and therefore was a lower being to them.

It doesn't take much time or effort to be a courteous person. It's not that difficult to say, "please," "thank you," "excuse me," "pardon me," or to at least smile at the person who is extending courtesy back to you.

Pass The Courtesy Please Oct 19th. at 12:35:56 pm EDT

fluffy bunny (idaho) Age: 41 - Email

I can't say that courtesy is a thing of the past, but it surely isn't in danger of becoming the norm. The worst case scenario I experienced was when I had knee surgery. People in the stores would knock into me basically shove me out of the way. I couldn't believe how inconsiderate alot of people were. I was on my way to healing when my physical therapist had me do some excercise that broke my kneecap. Back to surgery and the immobilizer. This all happened around xmas time so everyone was expectedly rushing about. I decided not to let this stop me from a family visit in another larger city. I had to run to this huge shopping mall to get a few last items, and I was really dreading it. I could not believe the difference in the way I was treated. People were stepping aside, opening doors, telling me to get ahead of them in line, I was flabbergasted. This in a city 4 times of the size I came from. I really appreciated the way I was treated, and I will never forget it. I try to put myself in the other guys shoes alot more since that happened. I think alot of the reason people are rude is that we are all in such a hurry to be somewhere, nowhere, and are focused on that. The world is a pretty fastpaced busy place. Maybe we should slow down a little, and think about the other guy.

fluffy bunny

My Thoughts... Oct 19th. at 11:11:24 am EDT

Sondra (Jax, Fla) Age: 53 - Email

Yes, “common courtesy” appears to have become a thing of the past. There are a lot of reasons/explanations as revealed by these posts. There is no mistaking rudeness for directness, however.

When did it become acceptable to refer to acquaintances as friends? This familiarity is astonishing to me. In an effort to make the world a softer, kinder place, it seems that we take people into our confidences inappropriately. This always leads to problems.

When did people stop teaching their children there is a time and place for everything? People who speak their minds without thinking about who could be harmed are irresponsible in every sense of the word. Do no harm is an excellent mantra to use before providing an opinion or thought on any subject that pops in the old brain.

There is no easy solution. The Internet has made millions of people friends, lovers and even brought them together in marriage or life arrangements. This sharing of ourselves, feelings, events and hopes and dreams is good as long as every one is doing it. All too often, there are folks out there who, for whatever reason, take that vulnerability and use it to their own ends.

We can each set our own examples, live our lives doing “harm to none” and eventually the tide will turn again.

Values Oct 19th. at 3:32:20 am EDT

Lindsay (East Bay, CA) Age: 23 - Email

I think a lot of it comes down to our values, what our parents teach us. Parents seem to be slacking off in the parenting department these days, teaching their children that it is okay to judge and be disrespectful to others. People think that just because they have more money or nicer things that it is their given right to walk all over people that they think are less fortunate. Even thought they might not be, they just choose to spend their money in a more important way, rather than materialistic things that have absolutely no meaning. I am so sick of everybody judging by clothes, cars, houses, or whatever it might be. So a person dresses differently, 9 times out of 10 I bet that person is a lot happier than the person with the $3,000.00 suit! Our society has made judging a priority. Starting with famous people who make millions and millions of dollars a year, but are the first ones to bitch when they can't get 2.5 million instead of 2 million. These are the people who don't even deserve it, too. Why don't we use the money to go towards somebody who is making a difference, instead of memorizing a line. Yeah, most people do give money to charities, but why don't they try working for minimum wage and give the rest to the charities? Then they wouldn't be able to live up to the standard that they have set for everyone else. People need to learn to just be themselves and not to worry about what others think of them. We would all be better off and a hell of a lot happier.

Mostly Driving Oct 18th. at 11:34:10 pm EDT

Jo (CO) Age: 23 - Email

The one reason that I hate to drive, above the people weaving through traffic, and even the tailgaters, is the people who won't let anyone merge. They are the people who, as soon as they see that blinker light come on, step on the gas and rush to fill the gap. I don't know why this happens, but it is happening more and more. Sometimes it might just be bad timing on my part, but even my out of state cousin commented on it when he came to visit. That is just my observation.

Open Your Eyes... Oct 18th. at 9:01:59 pm EDT

Denise (Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania) Age: 32 - Email

I try and look at everyone else as what they are, a fellow human being...perhaps the preson driving so slowly in front of you is just learning to drive...perhaps, the person who walked through the door you held for them without even noticing you there, is only running into the store for a new pair of panty-hose to wear to a loved ones funeral, is upset there for not as observant or courteous as they usually are...granted, being a fellow human being, I am not perfect and so I fail at this...but all we can do is try...try...try...

one of my fondest memories was witnessing a child at a nearby wal-marts on christmas eve, asking for help in finding a particular gift for his mother...he mentioned to the sales person as how he didn't want his mother to think him dumb because he did not give it to her, knowing she wanted it...I introduced myself to him explaining that I overheard his problem...I helped him find the gift...he may soon forget...his mother may forget the gift...but I will always remember that day...when I gave myself a gift by helping another

A Revision Of The Golden Rule Oct 18th. at 5:42:29 pm EDT

Coyoteknight (Reseda, Ca) Age: 28 - Email

Half of me wants to agree that the world is going to crap and everyone I run into is a jerk. Come on, everybody knows this.

The truth is that while everyone is getting surlier and surlier, part of the reason is that we expect the others around us to act in a certain way, an extreamly artificial an contrived way that has nothing to do with how we feel and think. What does this say about ourselves?

We all want people to be a certain way, and I'm not just talking about saying bless you when you sneeze or to bite their lip when you say somthing that they disagree with, we want the quality of humanity to rise.

We want people to BE more noble and kind which is somthing entierly different than being "polite" and "nice"

I think that we have to become the ideal that we almost expect others to be if we are to see this happen.

We can't force others to act the way we want them to without being hypocrits ourselves and this is where the other half of me comes in.

I know that the reason people act like such morons is that they are doing the whole politeness schtick for other people, and they expect the same in return. The obvious problem with this is that other people have bad days or are from different countries that have different ways of signaling respect or were just plain brought up by people that didn't know or didn't care about these customs and rules.

The result of this is that people stop "trying to be nice" at the first sight of rudeness or they keep on repressing their anger until they blow up.

I feel that the only real solution to this problem is to look at the source of the matter. do we treat our friends in the same way as the masses?

No! and the reason is that they are the masses, faceless and innumerable, they are not real people to us, just bodies to avoid, try to grope or any other objectifying action we can think of.

This is how we experience people on the street and elswhere that are "strangers".

In the past we were alienated from eachother by distance and lower quality transportation or comunication, now we are separated by population, there are too many potential friends and allies to choose to connect with and so we ignore the humanity in almost all of them.

We cannot force others to recognise each other for the potential friends they are, nor should we lest we become tyrants ourselves, but we can choose to look at the people in the crowd in a different way.

Try this the next time you are in a crowded bank, or even better, a resturaunt, instead of scanning around the blob of humanity, hold your attention on one individual at a time and watch for a moment to get an understanding of what it is they are doing. That's all!

Try it and you'll realize, not just think or believe, that these are individuals like yourself, they aren't just a mob of things out to get you or obstacles to avoid while walking down the sidewalk.

You will see the man tying his shoelaces in front of the door you are trying to get in as a man and you will see the woman who has toilet paper on her shoe is a woman, both with the same day to day actions as you. You automatically act in a different way, when you see a man as a man and a woman as a woman.

Not nice, not polite but you act as if you are an individual talking to another individual.

Of course you don't change overnight, and the people on the street won't change, but the more you do it, the more things will change.

Yes, You will change slowly but surely because unlike somone who is trying to be nice, you are not "trying" in the first place.

You are naturally reacting to the realization that the body before you is a person.

No secular dogma, no preformed pattern of assumptions that if he does this then it means that, just two individuals or a collective of individuals connecting in some inexpressible way behind the words being spoken.

If you want the world to be more authentically noble, then start with yourself and pass on to others the importance of seeing people for what they are, individuals united in their uniqueness.

Instead of doing unto others as you would have them do unto you, become the person you would hope others would become and forget about whether people are being rude to you or you are being rude to them, being an authentic person is what matters.

You won't believe the stress that is releived by just doing this one simple thing and that in and of itself is worth it. };>)>

Even In Canada You Say? Oct 18th. at 3:43:08 pm EDT

Larolyne (Canada) Age: 40 - Email

Yes, even up in the North Country where we are considered polite to the extreme you can run into such behaviours. The best defense is to ignore those people and carry on. If you treat other peope with respect than in turn you will be eventually treated with respect. Also, impress upon your siblings, parents, children and those around you, the person you are disrespectful to today could be on the next interview panel for your next job. ;) It truly is a small planet!!!

Unfortunatley Yes Oct 18th. at 8:11:34 am EDT

Ben Dunbar (Middlesbrough) Age: 16 - Email

It really is a shame, I for one always stay polite, bar the occasional catty and more oft' bitchy responce to "Do you worship Satan?". Gah. But as others have said it is EXTREMELY hard to stay cordial when some lil' (insert appropiate expletive here) is following you down the street hurling abuse at you for being gay, or for whatever other reason. I try and do quite well, but the world in general has lost a lot of it's manners. I just hope we can find tham again soon

Blessed Be

Ben Dunbar

Ecclectic strongly rooted in wicca.

Great Question Oct 18th. at 2:55:04 am EDT

Perrin (Hades, still) Age: 26 - Email

I think courtesy in general has taken a descent in recent years, for various reasons that no one really noticed. I think I "woke up" to this fact when a total stranger shot, and killed a man in Boulder, for no other reason than "Road Rage". Part of the blame for this the good old atomic bomb, prior to that invention you could kill, usually in an army or even a "police" action, but now one push of a button can wipe out the masses in a few seconds. We all have to find a release somehow, or some one pushes the wrong button, and we all get to find out if we're wrong. I try to be courteous to others, but some times it goes the wrong way. If you have a problem with being courteous, consider that their life is likely a lot worse than yours. The other person may have found out that his "Fiannce" is really a guy hiding from various parties for conning them. My point is that the Gods/Goddesses may rule the heavens, and hells, but only we can attempt to improve the world, just because I use blood sacrifices does not mean I'm a bad guy, just paranoid.

As Always,


PS. I added the dots to my "mark" as the spaces did not work last time.

What Is This "Curtesy" You Speak Of? Oct 17th. at 11:05:18 pm EDT

Jesica (CT) Age: 18 - Email

Curtesy? For what? Before I get pegged as a disrespectful youth, may it be known that I treat all with the respect I wish I recieved. I'm labeled as a punk, yelled at, and harrased on a daily basis, by people of all ages. This wears me down. Keeping cheery and good natured is not an easy thing when you get put down far more often the smiled too. So why then, should this curtesy still exist?

A Couple Of Things I Haven't Seen Mentioned Here: Oct 17th. at 10:54:14 pm EDT

Legend (Chandler AZ) Age: 28 - Email

There is a difference between being impolite and being direct. While it's always more polite to be polite (rather by definition), sometimes somebody's situation demands that they convey a given amount of information in the shortest time-span possible Of course, that's not an excuse to ALWAYS be in such a hurry that you can't be polite to people-- if that's the case, your life is just too damn complicated. On the other hand, if someone seems really upset, worried, concerned, in pain, of if you're working together on some project with a very finite time element (like finishing concrete before it sets up, say) it's actually less polite to expect people to be polite. Has anyone else ever gone up to the customer service counter of a store and been forced to stand there five minutes listening to the representative carrying on a mundane personal phone conversation? There is such a thing as TOO MUCH politeness.
Another example of excessive politeness I've come across, is in dealing with salespeople, telephone operators, managers, and bureaucracies in any form, where people seem to mistake kindess for weakness, and twist it to their advantage to get what they want out of you, and almost universally DISGUISEd as politeness. When all the time, you know what you want or need and have all the logic and reason your side and STILL practicallyhave to shove a gun in the person's face to get them to listen to you/take you seriously/give you what's rightfully yours/whatever. The problem is, politeness just isn't worth anything at the bank.

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