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One Wiccan's Journey Through Depression

Author: White Wave
Posted: January 12th. 2014
Times Viewed: 5,050

At some point in everyone’s life, we will fall into the pit of despair. Sometimes it will be triggered by the death of a loved one, by abuse, by poverty, by failure, by deceit. At first, it seems a momentary sadness, a melancholy almost startlingly beautiful. Then all things begin to overwhelm with their sadness.

For others, depression creeps slowly in, till it begins to squat as an unwelcome house guest in the mind, consuming all hope in the cupboards, all joy in the fridge and all self confidence in the freezer. I, like so many others, suffer from this second breed of terror- and face the daily battle of finding ways to survive.

I first stumbled upon Wicca some thirteen years ago as a lonesome theatre geek just starting high school. I went through the typical stages of fluffy-bunny hood, joining up in groups of like-minded friends who slowly lost interest as the novelty wore off. I was dazzled by the beauty of nature, enthralled by divine femininity and empowered by homegrown ethics. While others wavered I continued strong, finding a balance in day-to-day life. As I emerged from fluff-land, I developed the mind, expanding my knowledge and applied what I was learning at university- a critical mind. Wicca passed the test, and I emerged stronger, an adult witch in full blossom.

Later in the workforce depression came to me, overwhelming myself belief and leading to attempts to end this horror life. I am still very much in recovery from this heart of darkness.

What role does Wicca play now? Wicca is nothing if not the spirit of transformation, of rejuvenation, and if not hope then the promise of hope to come. Wicca, Paganism, Heathenism and the like are all based on this principle of reincarnation (if not directly of the soul then definitely in nature) .

If you are struggling with depression I offer you some advice, as one sufferer to another, on ways out of the darkness. It is a tough road (this I know only too well) and it will not be easy. Yet it will be worth it, transforming your soul in the process.

1) Healing is paramount.
It is easy to get distracted by the symptoms of depression (for example, having no money) without tackling the root cause of the issue. It is imperative to focus your attention on self-healing before tackling any other issues. No money spell in the world will alleviate depression until self-healing is approached. Magickal ways of healing that helped me include: oil mixes burnt every night (including lavender, bergamot, clary sage, neroli, orange, lemon, and rose) , long hot baths with plenty of candles, communing with nature in any way possible, growing herbs and flowers (particularly sun flowers!) , sleeping in a simple protective circle and anointing chakras with sandalwood for protection of my energies. These ways are less treatments, more like useful ways to assist the healing process. Consider what ways assist you in healing and apply them to your everyday life.

2) Reject ridiculous affirmations.
The traditional approach of countering negative self talk with phrases like “I am beautiful, “I am capable” WILL NOT WORK. Primarily, this is because when depressed you will never believe these things, plunging yourself into further depression over your inability to change your mind. Start slow: go from “I am a terrible person” to “I am sometimes a terrible person” to “sometimes I am an OK person”. Remember, you must believe in your assertions for them to work.

3) Get help.
This may sound obvious, but getting help from others is so important. Go to your GP, get a referral, and take anti-depressants if they help you. Do not think you can conquer this on your own. Do not think you are ‘giving up’ by using Western medicine. Your own work with naturopaths, meditation, aromatherapy, massage, etc. will in no way be lessened by this scientific method. Together, they can assist you, and it is vital to accept all the help you can get. Similarly, tell friends and family you can trust. Let them support you- it will not make you a lesser being.

4) B>Do not worry if Wicca or magick makes you feel nothing.
A common symptom of depression is an increasing disinterest in areas which once gave you joy. This includes religion as much as anything else. If you feel the need to take a break from actively practicing, then do. It is not surrender or religious disavowal – it is simply focusing on self-healing before expecting any return of interest.

5) Get moving.
It’s hard to get out of bed, let alone the house, when depressed. But by the Goddess, does it help! Walk in nature: on the beach, in a park, in the bush, wherever. Take a diary and relaxing music. Cry, scream, dance, do yoga: breathe and let your pain out. Start small, walk around the block and see how it feels.

6) Ignore all of my advice if you want to.
When depressed, you are going to be surrounded by ‘should’ and ‘must’. By placing burdens on yourself, such as “I should meditate”, your self-loathing will only increase if you do not manage to do so. Remember, the only thing you ‘should’ do every day is respire. That’s it. All else is up to you and how you feel.

Slowly, through the help of others and my belief in transformation, I am recovering. Sometimes, it feels like two steps forward and one step back, but it is not a race, so this doesn’t bother me. I’ll leave you with a little chant I say, while lighting a candle each day to remind myself of this change through which the caterpillar becomes the butterfly:

“Power of fire, lift me higher
Purge me from my darkest hours!”

And may the God and Goddess walk with you.


White Wave

Location: Adelaide, South Australia

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