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Finding the God (From Christian to Pagan -Part II)
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When to Let Go...When to Hold On
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NOTE: For a complete list of articles related to this chapter... Visit the Main Index FOR this section.
The Journey of My Spirituality
Article ID: 10644
Age Group: Adult
Days Up: 3,047
Times Read: 3,043
RSS Views: 85,029
Author: Merlin Hekatos
Posted: May 28th. 2006
Times Viewed: 3,043
As a teenage Witch, it is hard to restrain yourself from doing the wrong thing in life, for sometimes you’ve just got to let it all out. In school I was just let alone, for I told only my closest friends that I was a Witch. But now in college it is a whole new world: everything has changed, and so have I. I have become more confident with my spirituality and have come out in the open about who I am, and as a result I’ve sparked Witch hunt-like jeers and comments from skeptics around me.
Further on the journey you go, you don’t have a need to deny it anymore. They ask you if you are a Witch, you answer truthfully, even though you can hear a hint of skepticism in their voice but at the same time, you notice something else too: wonder. You say as I have said so many times now, “Yes, I am a Witch”. (Half of the time they will expect you to deny it, to be ashamed.) But you don’t have anything to be ashamed of.
Many a time have I been asked, “Shouldn’t I be a Wizard, because I’m a boy, not a Witch?” I tell them that I am neither a Wizard nor a Warlock, but a Witch! Then I would be asked, “What do you Witches do; do you go around flying on broomsticks and flicking wands around like Harry Potter, shouting out mumbo jumbo?” I would then reply, “I’m not a wannabe; I am simply a Witch; in other words, a Pagan”. They ask me what are Pagans, and as a Pagan do I use a wand? I tell them yes, I do own and use a wand quite frequently, but what business is it of theirs if I want to perform magick with a wand or not? I tell them hurriedly that Pagans are people who tune into the cycles of nature and use this to bring positive things into their lives.
Other people would say, do I cast spells and make potions, and do they really work? I tell them, almost reaching the end of my tether, that yes, I do cast spells and make potions, but like other Witches who follow the Wiccan Rede, I do not use magick to bring harm to anyone, and hence the reason why we use “and it harm, none so mote it be!” at the end of most of our spells, and that our potions are just simply herbal brews and tinctures that we have charged with our personal powers and intent.
So after their huge interrogations they would look at me funny, wondering how much to believe or not. I would then finish my answer by saying that of course all my workings work as long as I don’t try to do something too extreme or beyond me, and then I would say, of course I wouldn’t waste my time casting spells if I didn’t have faith that they would work, and without faith in yourself and the Goddess, they wouldn’t work anyhow. (I also was told by someone wise that all spells work; it’s just that some spells take longer to manifest, and others manifest in ways that you least expect, and you sometimes don’t even know they’re working; you just need to believe. Also bear in mind the Four Powers of Magus: to know, to dare, to will, and to be silent. You need to know what you are doing and the best way to do it. You need to have the audacity to work your will. You need to will the power to where you want it, the powers raised by methods in your knowing; and of course you need to be silent because it is said that to talk about a spell before it has fully manifested dissipates its power and effectiveness).
There may be a person who believes in magick, but for all the wrong reasons. I was once asked by a person like this to enchant someone that they “fancy”, and I said that I wouldn’t because it goes against all the basic Wiccan beliefs. I also told them that no one should ever cast a spell of love on a specific person because this goes against that person’s will. Also all magick practitioners should mind the Law of Threefold Returns, for whatever you send out via magick, good or evil, returns to its sender three times three. I would then tell them that, if they would diminish the idea of attracting this certain somebody of theirs, I could do a spell that would call love in general into their life. But they would just look at me with a bored expression and go off murmuring that I couldn’t cast a real spell anyway.
I have had many spell requests including “If you can make it snow now then I’ll believe you’re a real Witch”. I would then say that I’m not saying that I could interfere with the weather and get a prompt result, but even if I could, I wouldn’t because, as a Witch, I like to respect Mother Nature’s chosen weather and wouldn’t think of interfering with its natural flow. But the one request I have granted is a “confidence around boys” spell for my best friend. So I asked her for her personal correspondences, such as her favourite herb, crystal, and colours. Then I did my rhyming thing, and I came up with a lengthy spell and ritual. And I lit a few candles and burned a few herbs, and POW! It was done. I didn’t think there was an immediate change, but after a while I noticed a few changes in her confidence, such as sending me a Valentine’s card as “friends”.
One thing that annoys me is, when I tell people the truth and they don’t believe it, anyway. I’m like, if you don’t take the answer I give you, then what is the point in asking? They only believe what they want to believe. Sometimes I wonder why people ask us Wiccans such stupid questions, like “Do you curse people?” “Do you really worship ‘Old Nick’?”, as my mother would call him. It takes a lot for people to understand that Wiccans do not worship the devil as stereotyped by Christians in the “Burning Times” and that we mean no harm to anyone. You should see their faces when I tell them that most Witches don’t even believe that the devil exists!
But then it is not nice, knowing that your family thinks that you’re going to hell. When I get into this argument I would tell them that I would rather live life as a Witch and then go to hell when I die rather than live life without the Goddess’s and Gods’ magick in my life and then go to heaven when I die. I have only been a Witch for two years, and before I converted to Paganism, I was a Christian, too. From an early age I was taught that Witches were evil and that there is no such thing as white magick. This was upsetting, as I had always wanted to be a Witch and to practice magick. (Deep down I hadn’t given up hope; I just told myself that even if all Witches are all evil, and magick is too, I will find a way to be a good Witch). Then two years ago, a couple of weeks before Samhain, I found a book that explained the truth about Wicca and I knew it was true, so I immediately became Wiccan, and I studied like mad with a thirst for knowledge about my newly found religion and way of life. I had to learn about herbs, crystals and gemstones and essential oils and how to use and correspond them together correctly to make magick.
But I didn’t want to go too far without my mother’s blessing. So I told her, and she completely freaked out; it wasn’t that she didn’t believe in magick because she did; she was just very superstitious: she thought my involvement in magick would bring would bring us misfortune, and she wouldn’t let me bring Tarot cards into the house, believing that they operated like Ouija boards, by speaking with the dead. So I just kept my workings secret for a while until my mother calmed down. And I just let her believe that I was only going through a phase (as she soon noticed that she couldn’t be more wrong). As time went by I fed her bits of information on what I was doing and how I was doing it whenever her guards were down. When she finally realised that it wasn’t just a phase I was going through and that my new spirituality was permanent, she became more curious. I showed her all my tools—my wand, athame, cauldron, gemstones, rune stones and my Book of Shadows—this satisfied her. Then finally I just came out in the open and asked her what she thought of me being a Witch. Then, in her own special way, she told me that she didn’t mind me being a Witch as long as I promised not to harm anyone, so I did; she told me that I know what I’m doing, and I’m not in any danger. I told her that as a Wiccan I had already given my word bond not to harm anyone. So I just kept on showing her my Wiccan stuff as I got it, and her worry faded. We are now at peace with my mum on the subject of Wicca.
My little sister believes in magick too; she knows I’m a Witch and thinks that when she steps out of line I’m going to curse her. I would utter a fake spell, and she would trip over something and think I had made her trip over it as a result of my spell—as many others think they have been jinxed or been given bad luck, they subconsciously do it to themselves by believing that they’re jinxed or even cursed.
Sometimes as a Witch you would like to curse someone when they provoke you. But doing so would go against everything you believe in, so it is not worth it. Instead I just call on the Goddess and God to give you strength and take pleasure in knowing that karma will return to those who wrong me. Also by becoming angry you are giving them your personal energy thus your personal power.
I hope this knowledge may help other teenage Witches and Wiccans with similar problems.
Location: Leeds, England
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