What If It Was All About Love?
Article ID: 14033
Age Group: Adult
Days Up: 1,457
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Author: Lady Wolfwind
Posted: August 1st. 2010
Times Viewed: 2,314
I view my life in two parts. The first part of my life is when I lived and thought like everyone else. There was always piece of me that wanted to walk away from the world, from the rat race. My main concern, back then, was what would other people think of me? I know that most people would like to walk away and not worry about the day-to-day grind, but what have they done to really get away from it? I used to worry about money, a house, a car, paying the bills and eating. Not to mention all of the other things that I wanted to do that was extra, like going out to dinner, buying new clothes, seeing a movie, the list goes on and on. I think that in all of my searching I was truly looking for one answer. How do I live happily? Does the money and the house and such truly make me happy?
That is how I used to live. Caught on a wheel of doing what everyone said I should do. Of being the person everyone thought I should be. Making commitments that made me miserable, socializing with people that I didnít like. People who had no depth. I never could relate to those people. I think maybe they saw that. I never did fit in too well. I always grew bored with their gossip and backstabbing. They always had something to say about someone elseís business. It seems that that is all people talk about anymore.
The second part of my life began when I realized that I didnít have to live the way I was living. I knew it would be hard to change everything but I was never going to be happy living life the way I was living it. The second part of my life began when I welcomed the Goddess into my life. I was always fascinated with the divine feminine aspect of religion.
How can it be that itís all about a male God? Where does the female fit into this? Why is the female aspect second class? Once I began to study Paganism I felt a flower start to blossom. Woman was not made to be in the shadow of man. She was made to stand side by side. This one fact alone changed my view of the world, of life in general. It was the start of change.
The next step was distinguishing my wants from my needs. I had already raised four children who, by the way, have grown up well. I did this during the first part of my life. I think I taught them strong values and to be caring individuals who are strong and can survive in this world. The two little ones would be in for something different!! Now they remind me that something I may want is not a need. Donít get me wrong, we have nice stuff, and we do fun things. Itís just not all about that anymore. I learned somewhere on the road to not stress over these things. These are not the things that matter. These are not the things that bring true happiness.
One morning I just let go. I chose to put my life in the Goddessís hands. It was very easy. Itís what I had wanted all along. It was harder for my husband to adjust to this new me. He would tell me that we were short on money and I would tell him that everything would be okay, to not worry about it. I guess, thinking back, he mustíve thought Iíd lost my mind. It was important to me to buy school supplies for the less fortunate children every fall and to invite people I worked with to dinner. I knew they didnít have much and I knew they didnít eat well. My husband would tell me that we didnít have the money. I would tell him that everything would be okay. The Goddess takes care of those who take care of others.
Part of the change was to work on me. I have my faults and I needed to understand that everyone does and it is okay. I donít need to try to hide behind a mask and make others think that Iím perfect. I realize now that it is okay to cry and to be angry. Itís okay to feel jealous and to hurt. If we didnít feel these emotions then we wouldnít know the joy of being happy or laughing. I had to understand that I wasnít perfect and I wasnít going to be young forever. I didnít want to become one of those people who worry about Botox and liposuction and face-lifts. I want to age gracefully and welcome the croning years because Iíve earned them. I want to wear them like a badge of honor.
I had to change my attitude. I have a love of people. I always have. I distance myself from them but I have a deep understanding of how their minds work. I suppose thatís the empath in me. I manage a restaurant and I use my position to help every person I can. I take kids who have no future plans and teach them to manage people. I tell them that I believe in them, that they are awesome. I tell them that they can do anything they can. Truth is, most of them have never been told that. So, it seems, Iíve adopted many more kids. They now come to me with their problems and their questions. I find it sad that theyíve never had anyone who told them how special they are. Then I started to look out. I figured if these kids had never had that support there were probably plenty of others who hadnít either.
It has become my personal journey. I spend a lot of time talking to people throughout the day and trying to always say kind words or to just a smile. I make sure to tell everyone I come in contact with to have a great day. Most times itís appreciated.
I had to learn to leave the hateful people behind. I had to change the people in my life. I began to look at everyone and evaluate whether they were a positive influence on my life or a negative one. This, Iím sad to say, has included much of my own family. It seemed as though every time I spoke to some of them they brought me down, every time. I just stopped communicating with them. The thing that surprised me most is that most of them didnít really care. This change alone has brought such peace to me.
I slowly learned how to meditate, how to practice yoga. Now I find, even in the most chaotic of circumstances, I can remain calm. By achieving this state of mind, I can control the situation and things quiet down much quicker.
I quit watching TV. That habit seemed to be such a waste of time. I read more books, I sat in the quiet, I listen to the Goddess speak to me. I became a better person, a better wife and mother. I have developed my empathic powers and have learned to shield myself when others become too much. Iíve learned about herbs and nature. I plant flowers and take the time to smell them and to talk to them. I believe that everything likes a positive word or two.
I look at our world and I wonder. What would it be like if money wasnít the prime concern? What if being the coolest and the ďbaddestĒ didnít matter? What if it was all about love and kindness? How did we come this far off course? How did we become so greedy that other people donít matter anymore? That we just look out for ourselves? I donít want to be one of those people. I may not have the ability to change the world but I can change myself. I can be a part of that change.
So what am I working on now? My goal is to change my thoughts. I have forbidden myself to speak meanly of others. No, it doesnít always work. Iíve noticed, though, that if I donít say it, I still think it. I donít know if it is possible to change your thought processes, especially when youíre frustrated or someone has been mean to you. My husband laughs and reminds me that I will have to return to this earthly existence many more times. MANY MORE TIMES, he tells me. Okay, Iím working on it.
One thing that disturbs me greatly is our intolerance of each other. Itís very difficult to put so many eclectic people under the same umbrella and expect them to get along. This is what we need to strive for. If more of us would quit worrying about what our neighbor is doing or what they said we could accomplish much more. If we could just not worry about who is the priestess or the leader or who knows more or less. If we could just smile at each other and agree to disagree, that it is okay. We are all different. The Goddess made us that way. We need to take each of our special talents, develop them and make the world a better place. Maybe then the Christians would stop hating and stand up and take notice.
I think that each and every one of us needs to look at ourselves a little deeper. Ask yourself why you are on this path. Find out what is was that caused you to search for it in the first place. Then tomorrow, look in the mirror, tell yourself how beautiful you are and then share that beauty with someone else.
Since Iíve started walking on this path I have discovered one thing. I am truly happy. I wake up every morning and smile. I enjoy my life. I appreciate the people who enrich my life. They may not be there tomorrow. How many times has that already happened to you? How quickly we forget. Tonight, as I sit here writing this, I found out that one of my closest friends has passed on. I was kind to him and he knew that I loved him but I had moved and we had lost contact. We hadnít spoken in six or more years. This is the point Iím trying to reach. Live for what truly matters. Remember why you came to the Goddess in the first place. She spoke to you. You answered. You let life get in the way. Let go and learn to live again.
Location: Okeechobee, Florida
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