Articles/Essays From Pagans
May 19th. 2013 ...
The Role of Identity in Magic
Talking Trash? It's a Dirty Subject but Waste Happens.
My Wiccan Journey
13 Keys: The Victory of Netzach
May 12th. 2013 ...
Pagan Studies I: How Should We Define Modern Paganism?
The Third Path
Nothing Special... Part Two
May 5th. 2013 ...
The Value of Multicultural Awareness
Put Your Back Into It (Our Lady of the Sacred Honey Badger)
Moon Musings, Planetary Preponderances and Red Lipped Bat Fish
April 28th. 2013 ...
Lessons from the Lessers: Iris
April 21st. 2013 ...
Taken By The Goddess: The Crescent Moon Tattoo
The Gods/Being Godbothered
To Be A Witch
The Archetypes are Gods: Re-godding the Archetypes
April 14th. 2013 ...
On The Inclusion of Children
'Wand Fun' With Grandson
Lessons from a Baby
Lessons of Freedom: On Divinity and Healing
April 7th. 2013 ...
Out of the Broom Closet... Sorta
A Journey Through the Witches Tarot
History and Science Behind Numerology
March 31st. 2013 ...
What is the Magickal Self?
Ethics and Numerology
March 24th. 2013 ...
Keystones of the Sacred Land
March 17th. 2013 ...
Why Some Pagans and Witches Still Hide
Witch Heritage 101: What Happens When Witch Haters Joke about anti-Witch Films
I'm Not a Broom. So What's with the Closet?
March 10th. 2013 ...
Top Ten Stupid Things I Did as a New Pagan: Part 3
Hunting for the Real Witch in Film
The Collective Shadow
Lies - The Opposite of Truth
March 3rd. 2013 ...
Grounding and Releasing Negative Energy
A Patchwork of Magick
February 24th. 2013 ...
Top Ten Stupid Mistakes I Made as a New Pagan (Part Two)
February 17th. 2013 ...
Top Ten Stupid Mistakes I made as a New Pagan... Part One
Gardening with Crystal Energies
A Call from the Ancestors
Moon Musings, Planetary Preponderances and Black Water Snakes
February 10th. 2013 ...
We Are the Weirdos, Mister: A Completely Uncool Story of Origin
February 3rd. 2013 ...
"I'll Grind Your Bones to Make my Bread": Pagans and Animal Husbandry
The Role of Contemporary Culture in Magic
A Pagan Response to Endangered Earth
The Great Mother's Gift, Heinlein, and the Nature of Squirrels
13 Keys: The Glory of Hod
January 27th. 2013 ...
Why We Do Need Wicca
The Cosmos In the Coffee Shop
On Travel Spirituality and Magick
January 20th. 2013 ...
Beloved Backs and How to Save Them
Building or Burning Bridges?
Plants, Magic and Intuition
Plagiarism - How It Harms Our Community
January 13th. 2013 ...
Ramblings of a Pagan Guy: Stupid Clichťs
The Magick and Power of Words
Aging Is Not Easy
The Riddle of Who We Are?
January 6th. 2013 ...
Wicca v Witchcraft
A Witch in the Closet
How Many People Can You Fit Under An Umbrella?
Gut Hunches, Mouse Dreams, and Pinkie Sense
December 30th. 2012 ...
Ritual "Cheat Sheet" Bracelet
Magick is All Around Us
Confessions of a Living Satyr
A Tiny Bit of Belly Dance History
December 23rd. 2012 ...
The Warrior Goddess and You.
World Change: A Message from Greece
What's the Meaning of Life, Anyway?
My Brother's Keeper
December 16th. 2012 ...
Keeping Christ in Xmas
Love is the Law
Listen to Your Heart's Wisdom
NOTE: For a complete list of articles related to this chapter... Visit the Main Index FOR this section.
What Color Are Your Wings?
Article ID: 14253
Age Group: Adult
Days Up: 857
Times Read: 2,379
RSS Views: 15,265
Author: Lady Wolfwind
Posted: January 16th. 2011
Times Viewed: 2,379
Sometimes life seems to be going well. Youíre floating along, keeping your head above the water, and enjoying the journey. Then you find out one day that the fates have different plans for you. In an instant, you find yourself freefalling over the edge of a waterfall, landing in unfamiliar territory, stripped of everything you know. You climb upon the shore, your soul completely shattered, only a remnant of who you thought you were. There had been no warning; nothing to signal to what lie ahead. You stand and look around you, only to see nothing and no one. How did you come to be in this place? What had I done so wrong?
It seems that some of us have felt this devastation in our lives, whether it be from the death of a loved one or a divorce or some other extraordinary change. Unbeknownst to us, we realize that our lives are not what we thought they were. We stand in the midst of the wreckage in shock and wonder why this has happened to us. It feels as if we are standing on the edge of a cliff, staring into the abyss, and feeling it stare back at us, asking us what we are going to do. Literally, we feel as if we could die from the pain.
For days, months and even years we continue to walk our path, to just hang on, not knowing the answer to that question. Our defense mechanisms kick in and we feel as though we are only half alive, just going through the motions. Nothing seems the same. We feel as though we are living in a bubble, sounds donít reach our ears, we have no desire for food, nothing holds our interest. We are standing at a crossroads and do not have a clue as to which way to turn.
Some people close themselves up and sit down in the middle of the road, refusing to take another step. Moving on will open them up to the chance of more pain. I have seen them sitting there. I have offered words of encouragement but I canít seem to get through. I, too, know that change is a scary thing, especially when it is forced upon us. No, life will never be the same; it wasnít meant to be. It will be okay though.
The life we were living may have seemed perfect, we may have thought we were happy, but The Powers That Be are aware that we are not working toward our full potential. This is not the plan that they had for us. They break us down and force us to be reborn, to learn to shed our old, comfortable beliefs. They are forcing us to awaken, to make a shift in our paradigm, to view the world, not from the way we think it should be, but the way they want us to see it. It hurts and it is scary, but in the end, you will most likely find, that it was well worth it.
I know, because I have been there. My life was shattered; I was a mess. It seemingly happened overnight, I felt blindsided, like a bus had hit me. I couldnít function. I was totally confused. This period devoured a year of my life. I did nothing but cry. I couldnít sleep or eat. I felt numb. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life, and even if I did, I had no idea where to begin. I had no idea that during this period I could liken my life to living inside a cocoon, ever growing and changing. I had no idea that after this time, when I was finally ready that I would emerge a beautiful butterfly. If anyone had told me that this is the way it was going to turn out, I would never have believed him or her.
A beautiful butterfly I have become. Nothing can stop me now. I am more confident now, wiser. I finally get it, life. I have shed the old me and become the person I was meant to be. I stood at the crossroad, tears streaming down my face, feeling as if I was all alone, not knowing where to go. As my panic subsided and my tears began to dry, I realized that there was indeed a voice all along, beckoning me, leading me along. I quieted myself down and looked again through my tear soaked lashes and noticed the path illuminated before me. My sobs began to subside and I found that I could think clearly again. The fog I had been shrouded in began to lift, ever so slowly.
I spread my wings and I took flight. I believe that I am beautiful and that is all that matters. I now know that not everyone will think so, and thatís okay. I learned to love myself for who I am. I am not perfect, I never will be, and thatís okay too. I learned to let go of that image in my mind that told me that I had to have the perfect body, the perfect hair, the perfect clothes. I stopped comparing myself to others and finding myself not as worthy. I have come to realize that I am me and there never was, isnít, and never will be anyone just like me. Ever. That alone makes me special. Why have so many people put into my head that I have to look or be just like someone else? Why am I not beautiful just the way I am? Learning to love myself was the wind that allowed me to soar.
Learning to look at others the same way has helped me understand that everyone in the world is beautiful. Itís not just the outside that counts. Some of the most beautiful people are not much to look at on the outside. I have news for anyone who thinks differently: beauty fades. One day we are all standing, vulnerable to the views of the world. Where will you be when your beauty has faded? How beautiful are you on the inside where it really matters?
I let go of the trappings of the mundane world. I began to realize that money indeed, could not buy you happiness. As I stood there, on that road, I realized that I was the only one I could rely upon to make me happy. I have learned that I am never lonely. I am my best friend and I enjoy my own company. I have to realize that itís the little things in life that mean the most. I am thankful for being able to see when I open my eyes in the morning; I know that not everyone can. I am thankful that I can walk when I place my feet on the floor, so many are crippled. I am thankful to see another sunrise, for so many, yesterday was their last. I have a roof over my head and food on the table and the people who are with me truly love me.
I learned on that night who truly loved me and who didnít. It wasnít an easy lesson to learn. I still wanted to put the blinders on my eyes and deny all of this. I wanted to sink down to my knees and scream to all the ones I had sacrificed so much of my life for. Very few of them stood with me, wiping the tears that fell from my eyes. I can count them on one hand. With much sadness, I opened my arms and let them all go. These people were not just friends and acquaintances; they were family who Iíd grown to love and who I had loved with all my heart. Most of them didnít even say goodbye.
I have learned how to love and who is worthy of that love. I will never again allow someone to touch me who does not truly love me and respect me for who I am. I understand that I am worthy of that type of relationship with someone else. I have learned how to forgive and let go of the destructive thoughts and emotions. I understand that they only lead me to feel jealous and angry, emotions that will destroy every good intention that I have. I have learned to build bridges and how to tear down walls; all of these traits that others view as weaknesses, I have learned are traits of strength.
I have learned that my choices matter, that I dictate my life through these choices. If I do not like something about my life or myself it is up to me to change it. I have the power to do that. I have learned to stop trying to live up to everyone elseís standards. Itís okay to say no. I will no longer allow others to trespass upon my sacred ground. I have learned that I cannot love everyone the way they want me to. I understand that this is a lesson they must learn as well.
I have learned to be patient. I do not control situations or their outcome. I cannot force things to be the way I want them to be. In doing so I manipulate others and expect them to live their lives to satisfy my needs. This is not fair to them. They will make their own choices and I will respect them for it. If things do not turn out the way I wanted it to, I will make the best of it and continue on. All is as it should be.
One of the most important things that I learned was to let go of the past. There is nothing I can do to change it. There is nothing there that I need. I donít worry about the future, I have seen it and I know, deep down in my soul, that everything is going to be all right. I live for today, the present. I stop, everyday, and give thanks that I made it through; so many do not. I salute the sunrise every morning and smile at everyone I see. I have made a pact with myself to be positive and it seems to be paying off. I have made a promise to all those who have stood by my side to be the best person I can be, to live my life to my fullest potential.
My best advice to all those still standing at the crossroads, the ones still shrouded in the fog, do not fear the changes that have been forced upon you. There is really nothing to fear. Believe that you can rely on yourself and you can become anything that you choose. The world is wide open to you, trust and believe. Look in the mirror and make a promise to yourself, to give everything that you have to become what you know you can be. Look a little closer, and see the colors in your beautiful wings. They are there; you just donít see them yet.
Today, I spread my beautiful wings and I soar!
Love to all my fellow witches,
Location: Okeechobee, Florida
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