Articles/Essays From Pagans
December 15th. 2013 ...
The Hex Murder of 1928
My Top Ten Favorite Cauldrons (Part 1)
Lunar Insight Moon Musings: Hunting, Fires and Parting Shots
Lady of the Forest Mist (A Story of the Woods)
December 8th. 2013 ...
Help and Thoughts for Pagans New to the Journey
Using Your Wand in Reverse
Leaving a Group - Part 2: Leaving, Healing and Moving Forward
The Cry of the Soul
December 1st. 2013 ...
A Pragmatic Look at Neo Paganism
The Tarot as a Tool for Raising Consciousness
Leaving a Pagan Group – Part 1: To Leave or to Stay?
November 24th. 2013 ...
The Pagan and the Papacy
The Groovy Aquarian Christ: Jesus From a Pagan Perspective
November 17th. 2013 ...
For Love of the God
Which Witch? Philosophical and Psychological Roots of Wicca
A Threat to Religious Liberties?
November 10th. 2013 ...
Where did Aleister Crowley’s Influence on Wicca Go?
Thoughts on the Threefold Law/Law of Return
Nine Creeds: A Statement and Explanation of My Beliefs
The Celtic Tree Calendar
November 3rd. 2013 ...
The Mundane/Spiritual Mirror: What Does it Say About Your Life?
October 27th. 2013 ...
Thoughts On a Miley-Cyrus/ Robin-Thicke Society
On Being Wiccan: Some Unsolicited Advice
Pagan Religious Communities in your Area: Connecting With and Creating Them
Banishing, Invocation and the Lesser Ritual of the Pentagram
October 20th. 2013 ...
Weather Magick: Who is Responsible for the Weather?
Broom Closet: In or Out?
Bottle Spells and Magick in Hoodoo Tradition
On Coven and Claws
October 13th. 2013 ...
Destroying to Create: A Lesson from the Dead
Consume the Scorpion- Scorpion Energy Revisited
October 6th. 2013 ...
UPG and U: A Breakdown and Building Up of Unverified and Unsubstantiated Personal Gnosis
Answering The Call from Spirit
Coping with the Loss of a Familiar
The Five-way Road: A Pagan Pilgrimage, Part 2 (The South)
September 29th. 2013 ...
Six Reasons Why Covens are Here to Stay
Priestessing and Titles: What's the Point?
Truth or Convenience? Questioning Motives for Spiritual Advancement
Speaking Up: The Conflict Between the Spiritualist and Our Human Experience
September 22nd. 2013 ...
Death of a Friendship within the Craft
The Five-way Road: A Pagan Pilgrimage, Part 1 (The Center)
September 15th. 2013 ...
Some Pagan Prayers
The Holocaust Survivor (Part II)
Lunar Insight Moon Musings: Bramble and Cerridwen
September 8th. 2013 ...
Introduction to the Five-way Road: A Pagan Pilgrimage
The Druidic Concept of Nwyfre
The Holocaust Survivor (Part 1)
Giving and Helping
September 1st. 2013 ...
Use a Flyswatter for a Fly: More on the Dark Arts
How Spells Work
Is It Really 'Energy'?
August 25th. 2013 ...
Mother Nature’s Way: Forging a Distinctly American Path
Healing Moon Ritual
Unconditional Love: The Paradox of Perfect Love
Earth to Soul/Sole
August 18th. 2013 ...
How Not to Fall in the Bunny Trap
Why Are You Like That? Thoughts on Hoodoo and Appropriation
Finding the Right Coven
The Knowledge Found in Silence
Moon Musings, Planetary Preponderances, Hazelnuts and Magick Wands
August 11th. 2013 ...
“I Survived a Weekend with Galina Krasskova”
The Charges of the Goddess and God with Commentary
August 4th. 2013 ...
Fair Weather Witches
Pagan Studies II: Modern Paganism in the Americas
Pagan Abbeys - A Practical Heritage for Spiritual Lay and Professional Cloistered Communities
July 28th. 2013 ...
Crystals 101: A Helpful Guide For Beginners
The More the Merrier? It’s not Only an Inaccuracy; it’s an All Out Farce!
My Pagan Manifesto
July 21st. 2013 ...
I'm a Witch, Not a Wiccan: A Brief Summary of Broad Pagan Designations
Rethinking Community for Solitaries
13 Keys: The Beauty of Tiphareth
July 14th. 2013 ...
Ramblings of a Pagan Guy: Stupid Clichés We Use (Part II)
Pagan Humanism: A Tradition of Rational Religion
Moon/Planetary Musings: The Holly King and John Barleycorn
July 7th. 2013 ...
Coping With Depression: Learning to Dance with the Sacred Twins
Shamanic Healing of Anxiety and Panic Attacks
Humility and Community Service
H is for Hubris
NOTE: For a complete list of articles related to this chapter... Visit the Main Index FOR this section.
A Path to Healing: When Does the Hurt End?
Article Specs |
Article ID: 14937
Age Group: Adult
Days Up: 676
Times Read: 2,303
RSS Views: 19,233
Author: Katharina Moonchild
Posted: February 12th. 2012
Times Viewed: 2,303
I want to say, the person who inspired me to write this article was Priscilla Hyssop Winters. Her courage to say what she said in her article My Toxic Temper: Clashing With The Craft inspired me to finally have the courage to say what I had to say. I couldn't message her, to tell her what I felt, because I wasn't a teen writer. I was hoping to get what I had to say across to not only her, but to anyone who might have been in this position before.
In all honesty, I have been afraid to admit I am imperfect. I get unreasonably angry with myself, at my child, at those around me who genuinely love me and care for me. I get afraid. I take that anger out on the wrong people, people who don't deserve it. I get impatient. I am ashamed. I feel shame for my actions. How can I look at people and tell them I really wish to be a healer, and if they knew the truth about me, how could they take me seriously? If these people knew the amount of hurt I'd caused, they'd be disgusted. I was disgusted with myself, for a long time. I cried an ocean of tears over what I had done, and continue to do.
But I have been forgiven for the horrendous mistakes I had made as a naive teenager. When people love you unconditionally, they tend to do that. "What you did was messed up. I'm really pissed. But I love you anyway."
It wasn't that long ago, a week or two, the first week of January, that I was so depressed I wanted to give up. When would this pain stop? When would my past mistakes stop haunting me? It had been almost ten years by now. Ten. I'm not even 30 yet, and isn't enough enough? Were those mistakes borne out of ignorance to haunt me the rest of my life? Why did this happen to me, why did I do that, when will this agony just end already?
I was too proud to cry. I had too much to do. But rather than deal with it, I lounged around wasting my time. I was lethargic when I visited my son, whose father has custody. I was angry the second day of the visit, had little patience for his unusually long temper tantrums that day. My motivation was dry and gone, my will and drive had vanished down the toilet. I was facing a mountain of work and I wasn't lifting any fingers to do a single thing about it. At the time of writing this article, this was only last week.
Yet here I am, writing away on how my life was drastically changed. How does it happen, in such a short time?
Well for one, I met an amazing healer. Through the kindness of a local shop owner, she arranged for me to meet him. I'll forever be grateful to her, and she did more for me at that time than she knows. The healer too, of course, he has my immense gratitude. But it wasn't the healing he did that made the profound difference.
To be perfectly honest, it was the fact he understood every single word I said to him. The depth of my despair was as brightly colored and sharp to him as it was to me.
He told me something significant, something that changed the outlook of my suffering and pain forever.
He told me, the pain he went through, the immense pain he suffered 33 years prior to meeting me was so he could sit there in the here and now and understand me and everything I went through. How else could he help me if he didn't know how it felt?
Pain has a funny little quirk about it that makes it so essential to our lives. It teaches us crucial lessons that we otherwise wouldn't learn without it. How would we know fire burns unless we stuck our hand in it? The other funny part about it is it ebbs and flows, fades in and out of our lives. It's never permanent. But little times are we told that; it makes the days, months, and years that drag out seem endless. But there's always a light at the end of that tunnel.
And how do we work through the pain?
Exactly that; we work through it. We face it, we deal with it, and we nurture our own needs. Anger and pain are our bodies'/minds'/soul's way of telling us something is wrong. So what is it that is wrong in our lives? We let those things pile up, our problems, our burdens, our guilt… and when we try to face it all at once it seems impossible. We don't realize we don't have to do it all at once. We don't have to do it fast. We can take our time, do it slow, but work on it a piece at a time like a painting we love and cherish. And really, we are painting ourselves into something that is just an expansion of what already existed.
Often times, I think as Wiccans/Witches/Pagans, what-have-you, we try to hold ourselves to a higher (and what seems almost impossible at times) standard. We're above the common feelings of anger, depression, sadness, rage, jealousy, etc. We belong to love, light, and the Goddess/God.
But we forget, above all, we're human. Wicca, after all, is supposed to be the craft of the wise. And there is a saying that the greatest teacher is pain. Chaos is an essential part of life, an essential part of magic, and it precedes order. These are our hard truths. The most important thing is to not get lost in those things that cause us suffering, but to recognize the lessons within them. Our lessons, our suffering, creates us, shapes and defines us, for the better or worse depending on our choices and outlooks.
To light, there is dark, and from dark, there is light. To find the dawn we first have to travel through the night; but we mustn’t forget that our Goddess and God light the way, help alleviate the burdens of our soul, and will always and forever love and forgive us no matter what wrongs we do, what wrongs are done to us. They are our Parents, after all, and unconditional love was part of the healing all along. And what our Parents want for us the most is our happiness.
"My Toxic Temper: Clashing With The Craft"-Priscilla Hyssop Winters
Location: casselberry, Florida
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