Perception: In the Heat of a Moment
Article Specs |
Article ID: 15135
Age Group: Adult
Days Up: 652
Times Read: 1,720
RSS Views: 11,774
Author: Katharina Moonchild
Posted: October 14th. 2012
Times Viewed: 1,720
'Okay question, I say to Morrie...
"What's the question?" he says.
Remember the book of Job?
"From the bible?"
Right. Job, is a good man, but God makes him suffer. To test his faith.
Takes away everything he has, his house, his money, his family...
Makes him sick.
"To test his faith."
Right. To test his faith. So I'm wondering...
"What are you wondering?"
What you think about that?
"I think, " he says, smiling, "God overdid it."'
-- (Tuesdays with Morrie, Mitch Alborn, p. 150-51)
Human perception is what defines reality, our own or the 'real world'. It shapes and molds us to a certain set of society's standards; how we 'should' think or feel in a given situation (or better yet, how we are taught) . Yet we are able to change it, change our reality in to something tangible to only ourselves.
As Pagans, or better yet hopefully anyone of strong spiritual faith, regardless of the Dogmatic principles of it, we can grasp a larger reality that extends beyond just us. It extends into others, interconnected and woven as a unified whole under the grace of the Divine. Eventually one realizes, at a time of change in our lives-particularly hard change- we are for a better term, tested. I believe we test ourselves, rather than are just tested by the God and Goddess. There are lessons we all must learn, and our Selves know what we need. We supply that to ourselves, yet our physical bodies and minds cannot always come to terms with it.
Closed doors signify it's time for a new beginning. Yet when nothing is working, we will wonder, "What am I doing wrong? I'm doing everything I'm supposed to, yet nothing is working." That is the grace of change. Many of us are familiar with the prayer for change; "Grant me the serenity to accept things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference." Yet we will fight that change, battle it, try and persevere our way of life. Change can be negative.
Yes, it can be. It can be a harsh, cold reality that leaves us breathless with the force of it; it can rock our worlds and leave the most peaceful person crumbling in ruin. That is the difficulty of change we all seek to avoid. If every person accepted these things with grace, perhaps we would never run into a need for healers, or medicine... Something to help us come to terms with our outlook on life, our physical/mental/spiritual unrest.
First of all, it's okay to admit you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed, and tired, and burned out. We can only handle so much. Anger and sorrow are stages of acceptance, and should be treated as such. We should not deny these things, but neither should we dwell within them. We should allow a period of mourning, a period to catch our breath and realize we are laying to rest an old way of life and honoring it as such. It is a metaphorical death, and we come out of it much the same way. This is why the Death Tarot means not only physical death, but change as well. One thing must end before a new one can begin.
I wrote the beginning of this article months ago, I can't even remember when. It had stopped there, and I was wondering why I could no longer say anything else. Now I do. I know how true all this is, and I had to be reminded. I had to remember what it is to live in the moment, with a broken heart.
My heart was recently shattered, as I typed this. I felt like my world was falling apart at my fingertips and no matter how hard I fought it, nothing would change. My heart was broken for the people around me suffering, for my own suffering, and for the anger I felt at a perceived betrayal. I have no money. My car died today. I've been sick on and off recently for the last few months.
It was so easy to forget, though, that when I really needed things, I was able to manage. It was so easy to forget how I had started all over from square one to reassert my place in the world, and to reassert my place as my own person. I had gotten caught up in the cycle of the material plane- how would I pay my bills? How will I get farther, or accomplish more?
And then, I got laryngitis. Now, I am sure as you're reading this, you have to ask yourself, what does laryngitis of all things have to do with anything? Well, I'll tell you.
Never for the entirety of my life have I shut my yap for more than a day and listened to every single thing my spirit guides have had to tell me. And I was mourning-- depressed and angry at the world. I wanted to lie curled up in bed and cry for days on end, upset that I couldn't work because of all things I have to do for work; I must speak on the phone. All day. Heavens, I was mad.
And what did my spirit guides say? It was to teach me to listen, to really listen. “Don't worry, ” they said, “Things will be fine. We'll take care of it.” So I swallowed my fear and continued. The next day, I got into a volatile fight with my son's father. I feared he would hurt himself, or worse. I was angry he would be so reckless. He was in pain, but my own pain over the incident overrode those facts. “I can't believe him!” I'd say over and over, for days. Finally, my spirit guides had enough. One pushed me lightly into the wall and shook me, telling me, “What's wrong with you? Where's your compassion?” I said, “Why should I be compassionate?” And my spirit guide told me, “Because, until you forgive him and understand him, you will not know peace. Do you have to like what he does? No. Dislike him even. But understand him, and let it go. Know where he's coming from, and you'll stop being angry.”
So, I swallowed my pride, and did as I was told. Today, I yelled at him, and told him most of my anger was borne out of fear of what he'd do to himself. And what he did in return was try and help me fix my car that died not hours before I wrote this article.
But regardless, I digress; there are always worse things. I was recovering from a particularly bad episode of depression the from the week prior, and I understand something fundamental now that I didn't know 24 hours ago. I need to change something. The doors have closed on me and I can only fight my way through to the other side, to something different and something spectacular. As a tarot reader, I understand, that we sometimes must sink to the bottom before we rise to the top.
What else have I learned? I'm unconditionally loved. There are certain gifts I am wary of that I possess, and there are things that hurt me to admit to myself, but I realized today more than ever... If I had not had those certain gifts, if I didn't have to experience things that were sometimes uncomfortable or even burned my worlds to pieces, I wouldn't have that unconditional love. To know unconditional love is the greatest gift I have had the pleasure of receiving and giving. I felt, in the moment I realized it, as if my shattered heart started to put itself back together in an instant.
To have the unconditional support of my spirit guides, of my Lord and Lady, and to give that in return to those around me in unfathomable. I realize, in the recent week, there has been a lot of loss for those around me. I'm sorry for it, and I understand the frustration and agony that comes with that experience, but I wish to share... with anyone, and everyone, that the pain does eventually end. We have to reach out to those who are there for us, within our community, our families and have them help us help ourselves.
Am I still in pain? Yes. I am hurting for others and hurting for myself. Am I scared? A little. But not as bad as I was yesterday. Do I have faith? More than I realize. And am I uncertain if things will be okay? Totally, but I can only push forward and survive. I know all these truths, and yet, I still have to face down uncertainty and continue.
Even with that truth, I know I am not alone. And that is what gives me the strength to continue.
And, my reader, you should also know... neither are you.
Thank you for reading.
Tuesdays With Morrie, cited.
Location: casselberry, Florida
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