Death of a Friendship within the Craft
Article ID: 15451
Age Group: Adult
Days Up: 2,266
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Author: Lady Abigail Welcher
Posted: September 22nd. 2013
Times Viewed: 6,291
Sadly this is something we all have to deal with at one time or another in our lives. In the mundane world, it seems to be an everyday accordance. Someone says or does something and, for whatever seemingly childish reason, a friendship dies.
Yet, in the magickal world, for the greater part, friendships are for life. So when something happens, known or unknown to us, it is a great shock and a greater loss.
As a child living with my Great Grandmother, I really didn't understand the concept of what seems to be today’s description of friendship: the idea that those we bring into our lives that are not family but friends; that are still only acquaintances you perhaps see more often than others.
Being raised by my Great Grandmother, all I knew was that when you loved someone, they were your family. It didn't matter their age, color, or even how long you knew them. Once you brought them into your lives and home, sharing your love and heart with them, from that day forward they were family. For me, that was my Great Grandmother and the Aunts, who were of all mixed within traditions and life. But they were my family and I loved each and every one of them.
I always thought of my family like one of the magickal quilts my Great Grandmother and the Aunts would make in spring and late fall. Each piece and pattern held a story, sometimes good and sometimes sad. Like quilting, everyone comes together with all his or her raw pieces and ready to share. But not everyone will see the final design in the same way.
Making a quilt from hand took a lot of work, a lot of talking and planning. Sometimes there would be disagreements and when they happened, they would have to be talked out and sometimes rearranged until everyone was happy again. (Getting 7 ladies to all agree on anything could take a while.)
But on those rare occasions when anger erupted between the sisters, hurtful words were said or nasty things were done. There was a hard and fast rule everyone would abide by: All work stopped. Everyone not involved with the problem would keep their opinions to themselves while the sisters who were fighting worked it out.
Sometimes we would all sit there for hours. Southern women can be extremely stubborn. Then all of a sudden someone would say something. Sometimes they would yell it or in a whisper so quietly that no one but who said it could hear it. Then the conversations and, yes, sometimes arguments would begin.
Once they started they could last a few minutes or even a few days, but until it was all worked out in a total agreement with everyone, no one left that house. And you know what? These ladies loved each other through thick and thin no matter what. When the problem was solved, it was solved and everyone moved one. They didn't talk about it again ever, not even to one another. For, as my Great Grandmother would say, “What is in the past is the past. It is dead, gone and buried.”
Yes, there were those times when, for whatever reason, someone would become angry with someone else. When someone believed another in the family had somehow wronged them. That is normal and it is also life. But it was how they handled the anger and problems that made them real family and taught me how I try to behave in my life now.
It is so true: “A real friend or real family is the one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out." (Walter Winchell) .
When we take others into our lives as family, those we believe are more than just friends, we believe them to be someone who loves and cares about us. We believe that they would be there for us no matter what. You can be yourself around this person without the need of shielding your heart. They lift your spirits when you feel down, and they are always there to talk when you need someone to listen.
Because we love these friends so much and develop such close bonds with them we believe them to be our family. That is why it is so crushing when those we love betray or hurt us, especially since they know our innermost heart, know just what to do or say to cause us the most pain.
Most of us don't anticipate that our friends may someday take our friendship and hurt us with it. So we have no idea how to handle the situation when it happens. Although not all friendships can or should be saved, there are some ways to mend a friendship deserving of a second chance. This decision is yours and yours alone.
Talk to Them: When we feel sincerely hurt by someone or angry with them, the last thing we want to do is talk to them. The natural reaction is to pull away from them and cut off all communication, or if we do communicate we do so coldly. Sadly in cyber world we behave childishly and “unfriend” them on our online pages to let them know they no longer exist in our world.
But you do need to talk to them when this situation arises. How can anyone fix, explain or even know what is going on if the lines of communication are cut. Talking to each other one on one is the most honest way to heal a broken friendship.
To gain perspective before talking to them it is a good idea to write down some things you would like to ask or say. When doing so, try to avoid blaming and accusing them, just hear what they have to say. Because even if you disagree, it is how they feel at this time. Plus, even though they have done something to hurt you, pointing the finger at them is not going to help. The person is not the problem; it is something that was done or believed done, that created a problem.
Calmly explain how you feel... "Calmly" being the key here. If you do not let the person know how you feel about what they have said or did, they may not ever know that they did anything and therefore, keep doing it. It isn't fair to be angry with someone if you are not willing to let him or her know how you feel about the situation.
Confide in someone you Trust, a High Priestess/High Priest/Counselor/Friend: In my family growing up, if the sister and the aunts got angry with each other, the others within the family would stop everything until the problem was calmly settled. Find someone you trust that you can talk that is involved with the problem and can be an intermediary if needed. They can offer some valuable insights and advice without being emotionally involved. Be careful that this person is able to help without causing more harm. Unfortunately, in today’s world, many people just seem to want to fuel the flames with more innuendos and blame rather than help soothe the issues and find compromises.
This is one big reason why it is important to take some time for ourselves before dealing with the situation. When we are hurt and angry we don't make rational decisions. Trying to get revenge is the worst thing you can do. It turns you into the very thing you hate and are upset about. If you fight fire with fire you only create a bigger fire.
Try not to let your emotions get the better of you. Everyone is hurting; I'm not saying that anyone is a bad person, but neither one of you are in a good place right now. It is important to remember to show people how we expect to be treated by how we treat them.
Sadly, sometimes no matter what you do, or how you handle the problem, there is not fixing it. That is when it is time to walk away and allow your heart to heal and spirit to find peace. No one should allow himself or herself to let abuse of their feelings to continue. Then we are not being a true friend to ourselves, and that is the most important friendship we have. When in doubt about what to do in this situation, always be true to yourself.
Friendships are such funny things. You meet someone, and when you’re young you just go with the flow, if they stick around – great, if not – that’s fine too. Drifting away is normal; losing touch is commonplace. As you get older though, those nagging thoughts (voices) in your head become louder and more prominent. The drifting doesn't seem so normal and each loss seems to take a little of our spirit with them.
Sometimes we forget the love we have for one another until it is too late. We allow the mundane frustration to control our energy. We become angry, hurt and strike out. When we are the ones receiving the anger our nature is to turn it around and strike back. Learning how to truly handle these situations is a personal magick we all need have in our spiritual lives.
In peace shall be blessed.
Copyright © 06122013
Copyright: Lady Abigail
Copyright © 06122013
Lady Abigail Welcher
Location: Titusville, Florida
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