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Words, Wrants and Wramblings

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Wren Wrants A-Z ...

A Letter To My Daughter

A PumkinHead in the White House

A Real Bad Day For Witchcraft

A Real Reason To Vote

A Time for War, a Time for Peace and a Time to Browse the Bookstore

A Wonderful Piece of News

The Aftermath of Columbine High School

Beating A Not-So-Hasty Retreat

Behind Enemy Lines

Breakfast Will Be Served In Fifteen Minutes...

Building a Circle of Trust

But What Will People Think?

By Their Furniture, Ye Shall Know Them

Caution: Restricted Area

Cleaning Out The Junk Drawer

Community Power Who Holds it?

Community Thoughts on Tempest Smith

Compelling without the Yelling

Confessions of a News Junkie

The Consistancy of Change...

Control-F

Coping with Grief

Cramming It Down Our Throats...

Damned if you do and Damned if you don't

Declaring Your Personal Independence Day

Did Your World Change Too?

Dreaming in The Dark...

There is No Zuul

There's a Rabbit In The Moon...

Excavating the Dinosaur Altar

Fair Use, Copyright and the Pagan Net

Feeding Our Young

The First Day

Gather 'Round The Fire

Getting Back To Nature

Getting Back To Normal

Getting Rid of What Bugs You

Gifts That Keep On Giving...

The Giving Circle

Gods In A China Shop...

Good And Evil: In The Shadow Of Littleton And The Garden Of The Gods.

Good Will Toward Men

The Great Hamster Myth

Happy Beltaine!

Happy Brigid's Day Everyone!

The Heart of A Mechanic

Helping Hands

Helping Our Own

Hidden Hatred Haunts Pagans

Home is Where the Spirit Is

Homosexuality and Public Policy

The Household of Priests and Priestesses

If The Hissy Fits

In A Mirror Darkly...

In Your Dreams

The Internet Reaches beyond Washington

It All Happens Locally

It Is Your Destiny

It's Maypole Week 'Round the World

It's Tribal Time!

January Arrives Wearing A White Coat

Judging Amy -- Wren's Thoughts

Killed a Goat Today

Knot Charming

Learning How To Fly

Life With Mikey

Listening To The Story

Listening To The Woods

Living In A Banana Republic

Living Through A Drought

Logging On and Speaking Out!

The Long and Short Of It

The Love of Ordinary Things

Mabon... a Man for all Seasons

Magick's Arrow

Mamas, Don't let your Babies...

The Media Story Is Often Not The True One

Mercury Has Left the Building

Minding Your News P's and Q's

Mixed Blessings


NOTE: For a complete list of articles related to this chapter... Visit the Main Index FOR this section.










Getting Rid of What Bugs You

Author: Wren
Posted: March 18th. 2002
Times Viewed: 10,350

This week's column will be a little shorter than usual because we want to give Christina's inspiring article on Ostara/Spring Equinox top billing. Christina is a wonderful writer, a beautiful friend and one of the most spiritual people that I am privileged to know. People have been moved to tears by her words. I think that she covered the subject of this week's holiday/solar event quite thoroughly and so I really couldn't come up with anything else to add to it. The gal does her homework! Okay, there is one little thing that I see she didn't touch upon in relation to the changing of the season, so maybe I'll just insert that little bit of traditional lore in here. As a pragmatic Pagan, I am going to talk about that other side of the advent of spring: Bugs. (Well, I did say that Christina is the spiritual one!)

If your skin just started to crawl at even seeing the word 'bug', call me. We'll start a club. Now I don't mind the little critters as long as they stay outside. It's a big, wide and wonderful world out there and I feel that they should be free to live out their buggy existence as they will. But surely they haven't explored that entire expansive outdoor world? I hate to sound like Joan Rivers here, but really.. Bugs do have short stubby little legs. Even with six or eight (or- yuck -even more) of those appendages going full blast and then adding in the wing factor, how well traveled could they be? I don't know. Maybe they really have seen it all and I just can't read the fine print on their bumper stickers. Other than perhaps wanting to give expression to a hitherto understudied insectoid rebellious streak though, I can't fathom why they insist upon sneaking into my porch. Did the other bugs double-dare them or something?

Anyway, they are in and I want them out. I am too tenderhearted to just stomp on them. Especially if they have stingers. From what I understand, the following banishing ritual dates back from the most ancient of times and has been carefully preserved and recorded by scribes throughout countless generations. Get out your Book of Shadows. You're gonna want to write this down. Title the page: Operation Bug Out. I know that this sounds very archaic and mysterious but the modern translation simply reads: The humane way to remove wasps, hornets, wayward Microraptors and other assorted tiny critters from your cave. Yeah, that's how ancient it is. First you'll need...

A canopic jar and a piece of good stiff papyrus. Darn! The 7-11 is fresh out of papyrus? They can never seem to keep that stuff in stock! And you have what in your canopic jar again? No, I don't want to see it. Okay. We'll deal. This may not seem as 'magkical' a technique but a piece of poster board and a glass will work just as well. A Witch must learn to improvise after all.

Now I'll bet that you didn't know that the degree system of initiation actually originated with this ritual. While it is not clear how the system morphed into what we have today, the basic elements are clearly present in the ancient text. It all has to do with 1.) successfully completing the ritual and 2.) upon the size of one's canopic jar. Since we are using a glass here, I'll use the standard 'Alabaster to Plastic Ratio Chart' in order to make the proper adjustments in measurement.

If you can successfully capture the essence of the ritual using:
  • A shot glass: Well, well, well-Aren't we the brave one or Third degree.
  • A juice glass: Large open end compensated for shaky approach, but still nicely done or Second degree.
  • A water glass: The basic required standard for critter expulsion or First degree.
  • A BK 32 ouncer: Just kill the thing, since you are never going to summon up the courage to get close enough to catch it or Initiate.
The Ritual:

Choose your glass. Wait for the designated critter to land. Quickly whip (not scourge) the open end of the glass over it. Keep the glass firmly pressed against the wall, ceiling or younger initiate to avoid the wrath of an escaping critter seeking revenge. Ignore loud angry buzzing and slide the cardboard between the open end and the surface, thus magically entrapping critter inside. (Tip: Chanting over the critter or attempting to psychically explain that "this is for your own good" does not seem to have any soothing effect or to diminish the loud angry buzzing noise. But many traditionally trained ritualists do it anyway.)

Carefully move glass away from surface-keeping cardboard nice and tight over top- and parade (It is not clear from the original text if the procession should be deosil or widdershins. Use your instinct.) to your outside area. Pointing the top of glass AWAY from your face- This is very important. You are dealing with some serious pent-up energy here. -slide cardboard off the top and let critter fly off. You should feel an immediate rush of emotional and psychic release.

The ritual has been successful if creature is banished into the outer realms and/or makes a beeline outta your space. One in a hundred (depending upon the bottom line in your current karmic debt account) will do a U-turn and book right back in the door that you left open behind you "just in case." It's called the 'boomerang effect'. If that happens, say the magick word, 'Du'oh' (pronounced 'duh-oh' although alternate chants may include: 'duh' and 'whattheeff') and then repeat the ritual.

It is recommended that you lie down for a few minutes after you have completed this working and ground yourself. A little valerian root works well, too. And of course, if you are Third Degree- and thus have successfully executed the ritual by using a shot glass - Well, I am under oath to keep that part of the text a secret.

Walk in Love and Light,


Wren Walker
Co-Founder - The Witches' Voice
Monday, March 18th., 2002






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