My Destiny to Her
Article Specs |
Article ID: 14981
Age Group: Adult
Days Up: 560
Times Read: 1,786
RSS Views: 50,221
Author: Patti Rowe
Posted: October 7th. 2012
Times Viewed: 1,786
My destiny to Her began about 10 years ago, on a Sunday as I sat in a church. Although at the time I didn’t know that things would change for me and that a new world would open up for me, it was this day that I began to find my true path.
And indeed change did come. I am today a different person and happier because of it. This is a happiness that brings me peace and harmony, even in times of trouble and mayhem. I always knew somehow I was different and that there was something in the back of my soul just whispering to me. It was this day that the whisper grew louder and more insistent.
I was brought up in a sort of Christian family; you know the ones who went to every Holiday service and occasionally during the year. The same ones who made me go to Sunday school and take confirmation, believing that this was the way things should be. Never truly explaining why, just that this was what is was and Christianity was my only chosen path.
I am not sure exactly where or when my faith in Christianity started to waver, or if I truly ever had it but I can guess at the time it stopped completely. That particular day was a Sunday and I was in church with my husband, I was trying to listen to the pastor instead of staring outside at the sun as it beckoned me.
Trying to listen to the ranting about subservient women and how Jesus forgave them for their wayward ways, I suddenly heard a whisper in my soul, a gentle whisper that brushed through me like a light breeze.
It was during this time that I had been wondering what exactly was out there for me. I knew that there was something or someone calling me and pushing me forward but I could not quite put my finger on what exactly what it was.
I was never particularly comfortable with Jesus, the whole fear God bit and if you don’t behave you will go to Hell threats. Somehow that just never seemed quite right. However that day I just felt this amazing presence and knew it was not their God or their Jesus that brushed against my soul. The presence was a gentle warmth, a soft loving touch that vibrated through me.
She called me that day and awoke me from my stupor, bringing me into Her fold with a grace of a thousand butterflies. She was there and I heard her. Suddenly I looked around the sanctuary and realized that this was all so unreal to me. I knew then that this was over and I was on my path to where I truly belonged.
She breathed in me….”do not hate them but forgive them…they do not understand”
From that day I have walked a different path, found solitude in the words of Wicca and Witches. I gave myself over to Her, over to Her love and to Her strength. I have so met many out there like me that now I don’t feel alone and my path is filled with love of brothers and sisters who walk with me.
I am forever grateful for Her insistent whisper that day…it was that day I picked up my broom and swept away the fear of a god and found the love of A Goddess.
Yes, once long ago, I was walking down a path of darkness. There were no hands to hold me, no arms to hug me, no light to guide me. My path was filled with hate, greed and selfishness; all I could feel was the fear and pain of the journey, no joy followed with me. My faith was marred with pettiness. This path was one I had been guided on as a child: to live in fear of this god, this fear considered a positive sign of spiritual well-being. Many times, I asked myself how I could live in happiness and well-being if I was to fear what was said to love me. Soon I began to rebel from this path, trying to find a way to pull myself from this darkness.
A couple moments come to mind when I think back on what also would bring me to where I am now; these incidents were in regards to my daughter:
When my daughter was around 6 or 7 her paternal grandmother was big into the Jehovah Witness’ beliefs. She kept putting pamphlets in my daughter’s bags and scaring her with talk about judgment, going to hell and what happens to little girls who don’t behave. I had had been at that time pursuing information in Wiccan and Pagan ways. My daughter mentioned this to her grandmother and she scared my daughter into believing that I was evil and I was working with the devil. That day when I picked her up, she was nearly in tears, scared out of her mind for me. Needless to say grandmother and I had a talk about this and said that if she didn’t stop scaring my daughter with her beliefs then her visits would stop. After that, she did stop trying to brainwash my daughter but it left me with a concern about how much she has poisoned my daughter. I would drop the interest and pursuit of Paganism and not mention it again until many years later.
As my daughter grew up and started to see things for herself, she would realize that things weren’t as they seemed. When she was going through confirmation, she was cast out because she questioned their words. If you didn’t follow their beliefs, then you were wrong and you would go to hell. I took my daughter out of that church and never went back. I could write a novel on how much sinning that the church leaders were doing while they blasted my daughter. I have found over the years many of their beliefs are mired in hypocrisy.
What is hell but a state of mind? My spiritual well-being was in this hell. I knew no way out of it. Then that day when complete darkness was nearly upon me, I felt Her. Quietly and gently, I felt Her breath upon me. She whispered in my heart, “I am here my daughter. I love you”
It was then that I realized that she had been with me all this time, waiting and hoping that I would hear Her words, feel Her love and take Her hand. That I could take that love and light and with it the Strength of Her guidance. Since that day my path has brightened, my soul is lifted and I am filled with joy. And although there are days that the darkness begins to surround me, I have something to reach out to, to help guide me out of that gloom. Her love, Her grace, Her strength are there to bring me back. For without Her gentle and insistent whispers, I would not have lived to find this day and all the wonderful things and people that have come my way since I heard Her call.
Lady Patti (Rowe)
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