Your browser does not support script
TWV Presents...



Articles/Essays From Pagans

[Show all]


Views: 17,294,328


October 20th. 2014 ...

Thoughts on Conjuring Spirits

A Microcosmic View of Ma'at


October 5th. 2014 ...

The History of the Sacred Circle

Abandoning Expectations and Remembering Your Roots


September 28th. 2014 ...

Seeking Pagan Lands for Pagan Burials

Creating a Healing Temple


September 20th. 2014 ...

GOD AND ME (A Pagan's Personal Reply to the New Atheists)


September 7th. 2014 ...

Deer Man- A Confounding Mystery

Web Oh-oh

The All


August 31st. 2014 ...

Coven vs. Solitary

Faith

A Strange Waking Dream


August 24th. 2014 ...

Thoughts on Cultural and Spiritual Appropriation

The Pagan Cleric

A Gathering of Sorcerers (A Strange Tale)


August 17th. 2014 ...

To Know, to Will, to Dare...

On Grief: Beacons of Light in the Shadows

The Darkness


August 10th. 2014 ...

As a Pagan, How Do I Represent My Path?

The Power of the Gorgon


August 3rd. 2014 ...

Are You a Natural Witch?

You Have to Believe We Are Magic...


July 27th. 2014 ...

Did I Just Draw Down the Moon?

Astrological Ages and the Great Astrological End-Time Cycle

The New Jersey Finishing School for Would-Be Glamour Girls and Boys


July 20th. 2014 ...

Being an Underage Wiccan

Greed, Power, Witches, and the Inquisition

Malleus Maleficarum - The Hammer of the Witches

Thoughts on Ghost Hunting


July 13th. 2014 ...

A World Of Witchcraft: Belief Is Only The Beginning...

From Christian to Pagan (Part III)

Being Wiccan

My Wiccan Ways...


July 6th. 2014 ...

Keys: Opening the Portals into Other Worlds

The Lore of the Door

Leaves of Love


June 29th. 2014 ...

What Does the Bible Say About Witches and Pagans?

Are You My Familiar ?

Invocations of the God and Goddess

Everything's Alright, Yes: Mary Magdalene

Results Magic and the Moral Compass


June 22nd. 2014 ...

Witchcraft vs. Religion

Christianity and Paganism: Why All Of the Fighting?

Norse Mythology


June 15th. 2014 ...

Becoming Your Own Wise One

Canine Familiars: Role of the Alpha


June 8th. 2014 ...

Moral Relativism and Wicca

Paganism in Cebu, Philippines

Color Infusion

Soul Strings


June 1st. 2014 ...

Rediscovering My Pagan Faith

13 Keys: The Wisdom of Chokmah


May 25th. 2014 ...

Some Differences Between Priestesses and Witches: Duties and Trials

Awakening to our Celestial Nature (A Free 8-Day Course)

How to Work With Your Muse

10 Things I Love about my Sacred Work as a Public Witch


May 18th. 2014 ...

Finding the God (From Christian to Pagan -Part II)

The Medea Within Us All

Visits from the Departed


May 11th. 2014 ...

Breaking the Law of Return

Mental and Emotional Balance- I CAN Have it!

Karma and Sin

The Sin Concept


May 4th. 2014 ...

When to Let Go...When to Hold On

Goddessy: Sorceress Speaks On Beauty

Embracing my Inner Goddess through Belly Dance


April 27th. 2014 ...

Mental Illness in the Pagan Community

Being Pagan, Being Bipolar

World Crisis: Awaken Witches and Take Action

"Earth Day" Is A Pagan Conspiracy!


April 20th. 2014 ...

Six Rules for Safer Pagan Sex: A Guide

Safety: Let's Shift Our Focus

Morality and Controversy in the Craft

A Pagan Perspective on Easter

The Star Child


April 13th. 2014 ...

Magick and Consequences: My Experience with Sigils

Being a Worrisome Witch

Don't Talk Yourself Out of Trying Something New!

What to Do When the Spell/Ritual Flops


NOTE: For a complete list of articles related to this chapter... Visit the Main Index FOR this section.












Article Specs

Article ID: 14065

VoxAcct: 337263

Section: words

Age Group: Adult

Days Up: 1,551

Times Read: 7,630

RSS Views: 14,394
When Did it Become Unfashionable To Be Monogamous?

Author: Bronwen Forbes [a WitchVox Sponsor]
Posted: July 25th. 2010
Times Viewed: 7,630

I recently returned from a major Midwest Pagan gathering where, much to my surprise, in just four short days I was propositioned, invited to an orgy, and given the opportunity to play Naked Twister. I say “much to my surprise” because as someone who is bespectacled, approaching 50, greying, and who could stand to lose about one-third of my body weight, I honestly don’t consider myself to be that much of a big deal, sexually speaking. Maybe I’m wrong.

I also say “much to my surprise” because, despite two rather obvious bands on my left ring finger and my continued protestations of “I’m monogamous; there is a line I cannot cross” to my propositioner (who, in all honestly, was a really fun person to hang out with; we had a lot of outside interests in common) did not, as I expected, spend his evenings at the bonfire (s) seeking out more willing and less restricted bed partners once I said no. Quite the opposite, in fact – he patiently introduced me to everyone he knew (and he knew just about everybody) and seemed to enjoy watching me delight in the fire spinning performances.

Old friends whom I’ve known most of my married life didn’t even blink when they saw us sitting together at one of the nightly concerts. One even mentioned that my escort was “cute.” It was almost as if it was expected of me to come to a Pagan gathering without my husband and daughter and hook up with someone else for the weekend. Which is weird, because the same old friends and I had a long discussion that Friday night about how we felt in the minority within the Pagan community at large because (among other reasons) we chose to be in a closed relationship with one other person.

Did I miss a memo? Did monogamy fall out of fashion and everyone forgot to tell me? Am I that horribly out of tune with the times?

It’s not that I’m a prude, really. Back when I was younger and single (eleven plus years ago) I would likely have – no, I WOULD have – said yes to the proposition, the orgy and even the Naked Twister. Funny thing is, my friends at the time (mostly married – some happily so, some not) would have censured me for doing so. In fact, when I was serially monogamous and casually dating within the local community, they DID censure me. One went so far as to call me a “slut” for staying out all night on a date the night before a coven holiday ritual. The ritual was in no way impacted; I was home in plenty of time to clean the house and make everything ready, but I’d be lying if I said I thought her comment wasn’t hurtful and unfair.

But eventually I got married. And part of getting married, for me and my husband, included vows to “forsake all others” – in other words, a monogamous marriage. We weren’t forced to say those vows, we wrote our own ritual. It’s what we both wanted then and still want today.

And even though I have no regrets about telling my festival friend “no, ” I still wonder if I’m horribly out of touch with the Pagan community. And I wonder why I feel that way. I’m not knocking polyamory as a life choice; I’ve given it a good try on more than one occasion and decided it’s not for me. Frankly, I’m an only child and way to selfish a person to share my life partner with anyone else. But if it works for some people, that’s fine. I’m not all that fond of beer, either, despite major efforts in college to make myself like it.

But sometimes it seems as if monogamy in the Pagan community is passé, and that all the “cool kids” are polyfidelious or “tribal” or whatever the catchphrase is at the moment to describe oneself as “attached but still open to other intimate relationships.”

Which, like I said, is fine – until it gets to the point where a monogamous person feels pressured to break sacred vows in order to follow a community standard. No, that didn’t happen to me at the festival but, when thinking about it afterwards, it occurred to me that had I not spelled out to my propositioner what that “line I cannot cross” was, I could easily have let myself be pushed into doing something that (by the definition of my own long-term relationship) was wrong.

It did seem, in retrospect, that had I chosen to cross a taboo line and accept the proposition, it would have been “no big deal.” Well, it would have been a very big deal to me – and also to my husband. Frankly, it would also have been a very big deal to the Gods who witnessed our vows at the wedding. Old-fashioned? Probably. Stuffy? No. Would the Gods have lost respect for me? Most likely.

My old friend even said during our late-night conversation that some people in the local Pagan community had actually shunned her and her partner because they chose to be in a mutually exclusive relationship. If we as Pagans allow our fellow community members and ourselves the freedom to worship the God (s) we choose in the manner of our own choosing, then we must extend that freedom to choose the fill our lives with the kinds of relationships we want.

You never know if someone is choosing to be polyamorous because, say, an ex-partner told them they were a horrible lover and they want to eradicate that emotional scar by proving the ex wrong by acquiring as many differing opinions as possible. You never know if someone has decided to be monogamous because, say, they were gang-raped and having more than one lover in their life at a time is just too uncomfortable. You don’t know; besides, it’s none of your business.

Either way, don’t judge. The community really is big enough for all of us, Naked Twister champions or no.





ABOUT...

Bronwen Forbes


Location: Bloomington, Indiana

Website: http://www.seventinesbooks.webs.com

Author's Profile: To learn more about Bronwen Forbes - Click HERE




Other Articles: Bronwen Forbes has posted 36 additional articles- View them?

Other Listings: To view ALL of my listings: Click HERE




Email Bronwen Forbes... (Yes! I have opted to receive invites to Pagan events, groups, and commercial sales)

To send a private message to Bronwen Forbes ...



Pagan Essays
1996-2014





Pagan Web
8,000 Links





Pagan Groups
Local Covens etc.





Pagan/Witch
80,000 Profiles














Home - TWV Logos - Email US - Privacy
News and Information

Chapters: Pagan/Heathen Basics - Pagan BOOKS - Traditions, Paths & Religions - Popular Pagan Holidays - TV & Movies - Cats of the Craft - Festival Reviews - Festival Tips - White Pages (Resources) - Issues/Concerns - West Memphis 3 - Witch Hunts - Pagan Protection Tips - Healing Planet Earth

Your Voices: Adult Essays - Young Pagan Essays - Pagan Perspectives (On Hold) - WitchWars: Fire in the Craft - Gay Pagan - Pagan Parenting - Military - Pagan Passages

Pagan Music: Pagan Musicians - Bardic Circle at WitchVox - Free Music from TWV

Vox Central: About TWV - Wren: Words, Wrants and Wramblings - Guest Rants - Past Surveys - A Quest for Unity

Weekly Updates: Click HERE for an index of our weekly updates for the past 6 years

W.O.T.W. - World-Wide Networking

Your Town: A Link to YOUR Area Page (The largest listing of Witches, Pagans, Heathens and Wiccans on the Planet)

VoxLinks: The Pagan Web: 8,000 Listings

Your Witchvox Account: Log in Now - Create New Account - Request New Password - Log in Problems

Personal Listings: Pagan Clergy in Your Town - Adult Pagans - Young Pagans - Military Pagans

Events: Circles, Gatherings, Workshops & Festivals

Covens/Groups/Orgs: Local Groups Main Page

Other LOCAL Resources: Local Shops - Regional Sites - Local Notices - Global/National Notices - Local Skills & Services - Local Egroups - Political Freedom Fighters

Pagan Shopping: Online Shops Index - Original Crafters Sites - Auction Sites - Pagan Wholesalers - Pagan Local Shops



Web Site Content (including: text - graphics - html - look & feel)
Copyright 1997-2014 The Witches' Voice Inc. All rights reserved
Note: Authors & Artists retain the copyright for their work(s) on this website.
Unauthorized reproduction without prior permission is a violation of copyright laws.

Website structure, evolution and php coding by Fritz Jung on a Macintosh G5.

Any and all personal political opinions expressed in the public listing sections (including, but not restricted to, personals, events, groups, shops, Wren’s Nest, etc.) are solely those of the author(s) and do not reflect the opinion of The Witches’ Voice, Inc. TWV is a nonprofit, nonpartisan educational organization.

Sponsorship: Visit the Witches' Voice Sponsor Page for info on how you
can help support this Community Resource. Donations ARE Tax Deductible.
The Witches' Voice carries a 501(c)(3) certificate and a Federal Tax ID.

Mail Us: The Witches' Voice Inc., P.O. Box 341018, Tampa, Florida 33694-1018 U.S.A.
Witches, Pagans
of The World




Search Articles
1996-2014










 Current Topic
 Editorial Guide


NOTE: The essay on this page contains the writings and opinions of the listed author(s) and is not necessarily shared or endorsed by the Witches' Voice inc.

The Witches' Voice does not verify or attest to the historical accuracy contained in the content of this essay.

All WitchVox essays contain a valid email address, feel free to send your comments, thoughts or concerns directly to the listed author(s).