Articles/Essays From Pagans
May 12th. 2013 ...
Pagan Studies I: How Should We Define Modern Paganism?
Nothing Special... Part Two
The Third Path
May 5th. 2013 ...
The Value of Multicultural Awareness
Put Your Back Into It (Our Lady of the Sacred Honey Badger)
Moon Musings, Planetary Preponderances and Red Lipped Bat Fish
April 28th. 2013 ...
Lessons from the Lessers: Iris
April 21st. 2013 ...
Taken By The Goddess: The Crescent Moon Tattoo
The Gods/Being Godbothered
To Be A Witch
The Archetypes are Gods: Re-godding the Archetypes
April 14th. 2013 ...
On The Inclusion of Children
'Wand Fun' With Grandson
Lessons from a Baby
Lessons of Freedom: On Divinity and Healing
April 7th. 2013 ...
Out of the Broom Closet... Sorta
A Journey Through the Witches Tarot
History and Science Behind Numerology
March 31st. 2013 ...
What is the Magickal Self?
Ethics and Numerology
March 24th. 2013 ...
Keystones of the Sacred Land
March 17th. 2013 ...
Why Some Pagans and Witches Still Hide
Witch Heritage 101: What Happens When Witch Haters Joke about anti-Witch Films
I'm Not a Broom. So What's with the Closet?
March 10th. 2013 ...
Top Ten Stupid Things I Did as a New Pagan: Part 3
Hunting for the Real Witch in Film
The Collective Shadow
Lies - The Opposite of Truth
March 3rd. 2013 ...
Grounding and Releasing Negative Energy
A Patchwork of Magick
February 24th. 2013 ...
Top Ten Stupid Mistakes I Made as a New Pagan (Part Two)
February 17th. 2013 ...
Top Ten Stupid Mistakes I made as a New Pagan... Part One
Gardening with Crystal Energies
A Call from the Ancestors
Moon Musings, Planetary Preponderances and Black Water Snakes
February 10th. 2013 ...
We Are the Weirdos, Mister: A Completely Uncool Story of Origin
February 3rd. 2013 ...
"I'll Grind Your Bones to Make my Bread": Pagans and Animal Husbandry
The Role of Contemporary Culture in Magic
A Pagan Response to Endangered Earth
The Great Mother's Gift, Heinlein, and the Nature of Squirrels
13 Keys: The Glory of Hod
January 27th. 2013 ...
Why We Do Need Wicca
The Cosmos In the Coffee Shop
On Travel Spirituality and Magick
January 20th. 2013 ...
Beloved Backs and How to Save Them
Building or Burning Bridges?
Plants, Magic and Intuition
Plagiarism - How It Harms Our Community
January 13th. 2013 ...
Ramblings of a Pagan Guy: Stupid Clichés
The Magick and Power of Words
Aging Is Not Easy
The Riddle of Who We Are?
January 6th. 2013 ...
Wicca v Witchcraft
A Witch in the Closet
How Many People Can You Fit Under An Umbrella?
Gut Hunches, Mouse Dreams, and Pinkie Sense
December 30th. 2012 ...
Ritual "Cheat Sheet" Bracelet
Magick is All Around Us
Confessions of a Living Satyr
A Tiny Bit of Belly Dance History
December 23rd. 2012 ...
The Warrior Goddess and You.
World Change: A Message from Greece
What's the Meaning of Life, Anyway?
My Brother's Keeper
December 16th. 2012 ...
Keeping Christ in Xmas
Love is the Law
Listen to Your Heart's Wisdom
Reading the Book of Nature
A Plea Against Religious Discrimination
December 9th. 2012 ...
The Elephant in the Room: Physical Fitness In Pagan Spirituality
Magic Is Not for Free (Sometimes)
Pay No Attention to the Man Behind the Curtain
NOTE: For a complete list of articles related to this chapter... Visit the Main Index FOR this section.
A New Understanding
Article ID: 11321
Age Group: Adult
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Posted: February 18th. 2007
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Yesterday I went to a site I have recently become involved with and nosed around for a while. Of course what interested me most were the courses of study they offered: Wicca, Druidism, Master Religions, etc.
Ordained as a Reverend, Bishop, and Wiccan High Priestess; self dedicated years ago as High Priestess to Goddess, I immediately was given to doubts as to my worthiness to these titles. I needed more education, more credentials!! I suddenly became most unworthy in my mind. I have never been involved in a “real” Wiccan environment, so how can I claim to be Wiccan? I am a solitary witch by personal choice. Yes, I’ve studied and read and asked hundreds of questions. Done several “on-line” courses. I’ve done all of the “steps” to be Wiccan; I'm very active in on-line covens, etc, but I’ve never been active in a hands-on coven, with people who look at me and say, yes, she’s a High Priestess, she did all the steps, we saw her do it!! I mean - to be “Christian” I had to be baptized twice!! Go to Sunday school from a little child and be an active member of a church, only then, I was told, could I be “Christian”. Knowing that I am no longer adhere to fundamentalist Christian beliefs and knowing that paganism is deep within my very being, how on this earth or in God/dess’ heaven I could even claim to be a “title” was well, on my part, stupid, ignorant, pompous!!!
Doubt ran amuck!! Which course was I to take to make myself “authentic”? A REAL Christian, a REAL Wiccan, a REAL something!! Would one be enough? How many do I take? Will I have to "give up" my personal beliefs and believe only one way? Could I continue to blend my knowings, my understandings and still be my titles? Where on earth was I going to come up with the money for all of this…I panicked.
I go to a wise and gentle friend who is a High Priest of Wicca, a Bishop, who dedicated me, whom I have great respect for. Sending his response back to me I began to ponder it and found myself “reading” between the lines…the message I received was; "This is all well and good and more education is always welcomed, you can never have enough information; but, why? I know you, you have more than met any and all requirements to hold these titles"…OK….Why?
Why do I have these doubts when in my gut and heart I know exactly who I am and who I am connected too? Why do I allow myself to fall back into the darkness and have to crawl my way back into the light? Why do I doubt something I KNOW to be true and doubt myself for being where I am right now? Isn’t this doubting my Lady and Lord?
Contemplating the “why” I begin to remember these past years of study, hard study, hard thinking, commitments I have come to, dedications I have had, promises I have made. All the bridges I have crossed with friends and family, in some cases total strangers, and realized to doubt is to find an answer. To allow one understanding to die in order for another to live is to shed darkness for light.
Goddess reminded me that I am first and foremost truly in love with Her, so much so that I cannot imagine a second without Her. She sustains me, guides me, and teaches me. She has introduced all of the “unseen” to my eyes, so that I “see” Her awesome creation (s). I know her to be in every particle and molecule of my life. She makes the words of my brother Jesus, other sisters and brothers (Masters and Teachers) who have come before and after, understood in my mind. She intervenes and allows me to understand my Father God, the lessons I am to learn in this life’s journey. She reminded me that I am just exactly where she wants me to be, right now, this moment. To “be” something, Wiccan, Baptist, High Priestess, any title is fine; mans’ words, mans’ titles; man's religions, but She knows exactly who I am and I am Hers, of Her, Her Daughter and that I am loved…unconditionally.
You see, I forgot for one human minute, that I haven’t the right to say, ”I am not worthy”. I forgot in my humanness that I do not, under any circumstances, have the right to discount anything or anyone that She places in my life. I had forgotten exactly how worthy I am. She tells me every time I hear the bird sing, hug my grandchildren, gently touch the face of my beloved. She shows me in the clouds and in the quiet of the morning, the deep of the night in the awesome power of a magnificent storm. When I stand proudly under a full moon and raise my arms in praise and eternal connection She reminds me who I am, who She is, who They are.
The decision I made? The knowing I came to? The lesson I was taught? Accept myself with pride, humility, and love. To KNOW that all will be given to me to understand and to use for Her as She/They see fit. If this includes further studies, then so be it; but it will be for information, not for personal identification. I understand now that all I have to do is just allow myself to be. Allow myself to be held, protected, guided and most of all loved – unconditionally.
She helped me understand that people need titles and those who hold them, to feel safe and secure. If someone seeing my title of Rev, Bishop, or High Priestess brings them to me for a need in their lives, then I trust that my Lady and Lord will use me and give me words of wisdom and the action (s) I need to meet their needs – to learn to love them - unconditionally.
Will I doubt again? Probably, I am human. But no longer will I panic. Instead rejoice within the darkness knowing light and understanding are just around the corner.
As I sit here I feel Her smiling gently, softly caressing my hair and saying, ”Now my daughter, isn’t this ever so much better?”
Yes, My Mother, My Goddess, it is.
Rev/Bishop/High Priestess COCM, ULC
Location: Hammond, Louisiana
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