Witchvox Article

Author: Mydnyht
Posted: October 2nd. 2005
Times Viewed: 8,619

The first thing that comes to mind when we Pagans think of an interfaith relationship are Wiccans and Christians. Sure, there are other monotheistic religions out there, but for some reason, it�s these two that seem to bump heads the most. Christians wrongly perceive that Pagans are baby-killing, devil-worshipping, evil beings who are the opposite of everything they believe in. Pagans wrongly perceive that Christians are close-minded, stuck up people who hate everyone and shouldn�t believe in such conservative doctrines.

I have a large group of friends, and most of them identify as Christians in one way or another. I have found that among them, they can be divided into two groups: the traditional Christians and the more liberal ones. On the one hand, my more traditional peers are the Bible-thumping sort who, ironically enough, don�t actually attend church and disapprove of mostly everything I do. The twins, for example, only tolerate me to be nice. Technically, we�re not �friends�. My more liberal friends, on the other hand, are extremely accepting and are willing to discuss the differences in our religious practices and show interest instead of fear. But, for the most part, I am �not Christian enough� for most of the people I pal around with. They like me, and they think I�m nice, but it�s not acceptable for me to be bisexual or Wiccan.

Naturally, this has made me slightly bitter towards more conservative people, especially the more traditional Christian group. I don�t like it when people judge me for my beliefs. Nobody does. I am a people pleaser, and this upsets me greatly. So I have a tendency to associate Christians with closed-minded zealots. It is a very bad habit. At this point in time, take a moment to picture this scenario: An older, more responsible mydnyht is shaking her finger at a quivering immature mydnyht who is sitting in the corner as punishment. �Bad mydnyht, very bad mydnyht!� says my better half. The sad truth is that I sometimes act like a bigot. I make comments or I think things to myself that are inappropriate and yes, sometimes derogatory. And to be honest, I see a lot of that around the Witchvox community as well. Yes, sometimes people are nasty to the Pagan community. They badmouth us and it makes us upset. And sometimes these people are Christian. This doesn�t mean we should badmouth everyone else who�s monotheistic or more conservative. When it all comes down to it, it�s just as much our responsibility to make an interfaith relationship work as it is for the other party to put aside their own differences. Minorities have a very bad habit of taking people�s words and turning them around to their own advantage (I know, I belong to a few!). But when we stop doing that, we can make a lot of progress.

For example, I was raised Catholic. When someone says the word �Catholic�, the first thing that comes to mind for most people is a very conservative Christian group that take orders from God and �an old man in a pointy hat.� Not all Catholics are that conservative or traditional, however. I remember I once dated someone who told me that one of these days I was going to break out of my shell and become a real wild child because I was a �repressed Catholic schoolgirl.� In the Catholic community that I have been exposed to, this �repressed Catholic syndrome, � as I call it, is catching rapidly. People are beginning to think that the Catholic doctrine is becoming outdated and that the group as a whole needs to become more liberated and modern. The director of Religious Education at the parish I attend is a good example. At the end of the school year I made an appointment with her. I was quite nervous as I went down to the church basement where her office is, and prepared myself to make this simple statement: �I am bisexual and I practice Wicca.� There was no fire and brimstone sermon or condescending looks. �I figured you were a lesbian or bisexual or whatever. There�s nothing wrong with that. But I don�t know anything about Wicca � please explain it to me.� So I did. Her response was simply, �Oh, alright. That makes sense.� Then again, this woman has a bit more of a Pagan mindset than she probably realizes � thanks to her, we frequently change pronouns, hymn lyrics, and readings to be gender-neutral or even sometimes female when referencing the Christian God.

My best friend, who I shall call Janice, is also a very good example of a well-working interfaith relationship. Janice was raised Catholic by her mother. They both abandoned Catholicism after Janice�s mother could no longer handle the after-effects of the sexual abuse she suffered at the hands of a priest at a young age. They have remained Christian and are very strong in their faith; however, their experiences have made them much more accepting of people�s differences. Janice never judges anyone, and instead of chiding me as I regale tales of my crazy adventures that most people might disapprove of she listens with an open ear and gives me her full support. We can discuss our religions and how they are similar and different. She approaches it as a learning experience and is eager to become knowledgeable. I am able to see her as a normal person who treats me as an equal, instead of wrongly assuming that she is a Christian who will tell me that I�ll go to hell in a hand basket. We both realize that our friendship is much more important than a single difference between us.

But, of course, there are exceptions to every rule. I have had a few relationships that, unfortunately, fell apart after I came out of my respective closets. The worst example is with a friend I shall call Anthony. Anthony and I were very close since about the age of 9. When we were going on 13, he came out as gay and started practicing Wicca. His new lifestyle fit him very well, and we were all happy for his courage in being true to himself. But by the time we were 14, he decided for some reason to become Catholic. At first, it wasn�t bad. My friends and I supported him and respected his decision � after all, there�s nothing wrong with switching religions. However, it started to get a little annoying after awhile. He started to do things like bring his Bible to school and stand in the middle of the hallway reading passages and trying to convert our atheist friends. I could still talk to him, and he even respected my interest in the Pagan faith, so I figured it wasn�t a problem. He himself even continued to practice Wicca, and we fancied ourselves as sort of Christian Witches. But then he took a turn for the worse and started to become a bigot. He would do things like denounce any non-Catholic religion as evil or wear an �Abortion Kills Kids� T-shirt on Pro-Life T-shirt day. All of my friends and I knew he wasn�t acting like himself when he tried to be straight for two weeks and began to condemn homosexuality. His life�s goal: to drop out of high school and become a monk. Everybody else except for him seems to realize that he�s not being true to himself anymore. I can still talk to him about silly things or get together to watch a Disney movie, but sometimes I have to really try to not hang up on him when he says something close-minded on the phone.

Interfaith relationships, whether platonic or romantic, don�t have so much to do with faith as they do with how conservative the person is. One of the most fascinating things about religion is that there are so many different beliefs for the individual, and that they sometimes differ from the organization as a whole. There are Christians who would probably consider performing an exorcism or asking their church to pray for me if they discovered I was Wiccan, just like there are other Christians who are much more liberal and striving to change the way the Christian institution works. There are also Pagans who ridicule me and look down on me because I consider myself Catholic and Wiccan � I am a �traitor, � so-to-speak. And then, there are other Pagans like my sister who embrace the true spirit of the practice and tell me, �Do whatever makes you happy.� Religions are filled with zealots and fluffy-bunny practitioners and everyone in-between, and nobody believes exactly every single rule that a certain faith sets up. In a way, I am in an interfaith relationship with myself � I have had to try and think about which practice I would prefer more. When I decided that polarities are stupid and that I prefer a spectrum, I had to blend my beliefs and compromise certain things so that I could find something that worked for me. And when myself or anyone else is looking for a person to be with, whether simply to share secrets and silly ideas or to share a life with, we need to do the same thing � make compromises until we find something that works for us. And if it doesn�t, then we move on � we cannot be liked by everyone, nor can we like everyone, and that is something that all of us (myself especially) need to realize.

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Mydnyht

Location: Upton, Massachusetts

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