Witchvox Article

Author: Mydnyht
Posted: June 5th. 2005
Times Viewed: 5,475

I was looking at the suggested topic for this season, and at first I just dismissed it, slightly amused. �Responsibility?� I thought. �That doesn�t apply to me � I�m not responsible; I�m just a kid! What have I ever done that�s responsible?�

Sure, I do my homework and I get it in on time (granted, this usually requires doing a little cramming at lunch block or during break). I make my bed every day and I do my laundry about once a week. I feed my rabbits and my guinea pig every day. I clean my room, and I�m responsible and organized enough to run three student groups. I am a high honors student, and my grade average has never dropped below a 90 for the past two years. Everyone thinks I�m such a wonderful mature young woman and that I always make good choices. So all of this makes me responsible, right?

One of the major problems we have in today�s Western culture is that it�s these sorts of things that denote who is responsible and who isn�t. As long as you play by the rules society has set up as far as personal gain in the world, you�re all set. Being responsible equates to coming into work everyday or doing the right thing in a bad situation. It�s meeting deadlines and managing your money, feeding your pet and studying for tests. It seems to slip people�s minds to be responsible enough to take care of themselves. It�s okay if you get by on only a few hours of sleep, or eat potato chips for lunch without eating breakfast or get a little tipsy when you go out with your friends. Maybe you�re not treating your body right, but at least you manage all that money and get to work on time (or in my case, do that homework and don�t cut class). Don�t get me wrong � that�s all really important and I don�t condone slacking off in these cases. But taking care of your soul is just as important as your real world duties. Sometimes, it�s even more important. People don�t seem to realize that when you hurt your body physically, you�re hurting your mind and more importantly your spirit as well. They�re in a direct balance with one another, and when one is hurting the others often soon follow. Physical pain goes hand-in-hand with mental anguish. Mental disorders often affect how we feel physically, and when you�re hurting spiritually it definitely takes a toll on all aspects of your health. When there�s a piece of your soul missing, part of your essence � your very self � is gone. And because these three functions of well-being are so closely intertwined, you can�t expect to not be responsible with your body and keep your spirit intact. Your body is a gift and it matters. Taking care of your body isn�t just important for your body�s sake, it�s important for your soul as well. So to ignore your body or any part of your well-being � that�s not very responsible, is it?

I am clinically depressed. I am bipolar, �manic depressive, � or whatever you want to call it. In my pre-teen and early teen years, I was not very responsible with my body or my mental well-being. I started hurting myself purposely; I was a combination anorexic-bulimic and most importantly, I wasn�t telling anyone about my problems. They kind of spiraled out of control because of all the pressure I was putting on myself. My spirit couldn�t survive that kind of draining loneliness. I did stupid things like overdose on pills and I even got put in a psychiatric hospital twice. I feared that it wouldn�t be long before my life became a flaming ruin, not because I was doing really horrible things but because I wanted to stay in my slump. I was being totally irresponsible to my body and mind: this, in turn, weighed heavily on my spirit and I distanced myself from everything. I remember the day I stopped trying. I tried to get taken off my medication so that I could stay miserable. I read a beautiful spell about treating your body as a temple, but I couldn�t go through the ritual because I knew I couldn�t keep that promise. �If I�m not responsible enough to take care of myself, how can I be responsible enough to take care of another human being?� I wondered. Being a mother is the thing I�ve always wanted to accomplish most in my life, and I was at a loss when I thought I wouldn�t ever be able to be a good parent. I remember breaking down at last about a year ago, crying, and thinking: �I am so sick of being unhappy! The Goddess loves me, so why can�t I love myself?� It finally dawned on me that I wasn�t being a responsible person because of the way I abused myself. My body is a temple and a gift, and I need to treat it with respect. The responsible thing to do would be to humble myself enough to ask for help � not necessarily from other people, but from myself. So I threw away the razor, started eating, talked to my psychologist more � and prayed.

Instead of letting other people help me, I took responsibility for my condition and decided that I wanted the help. This was a huge step for me. When I took responsibility for myself it wasn�t just with one element of my well-being, it was with all of them. Treating myself right helped me see my life as a special gift; a wonderful, magickal thing, and I developed more as a Wiccan. I had a closer relationship with the Goddess after my epiphany; I didn�t want to destroy my relationship with Her the way I had ruined so many others. I needed Her trust and through my trials I grew spiritually. I learned that taking care of myself wasn�t just good for living in the real world, it was an important part of being a good Pagan. So the most responsible thing I�ve ever done was to love myself, and I think it�s the most responsible thing any of us can ever do.

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Mydnyht

Location: Upton, Massachusetts

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