Witchvox Article

Author: Akasha
Posted: September 25th. 2005
Times Viewed: 7,028

I�ve decided the way I laugh at psychics is the way Christians laugh at televangelists like Tammy Faye and Jim Bakker. And I�m not talking people with the sincere capability and sensitivity to be aware of things other people are not � I�m talking about the Miss Cleo-esque, pentacle-and-robe clad, drowning-in-dramatic-makeup, low-and-histrionic-voiced women who prance around acting like they have the answers to ALL the world�s metaphysical questions (for the reduced price of $50 per reading!) Now, take no offence if you happen to be a fond wearer of bright purple robes, extensive makeup, or excessive amounts of mystical jewelry, because those tendencies don�t necessarily define one as an unscrupulous fraud. Many people are intuitive and have an unexplained connection to nature, and I�d like to state right now that I am fully convinced psychically aware people exist.

But for all the shows on the Sci-Fi channel that portray psychics as rather frazzle-brained women who wander through haunted buildings brandishing sage and a very pretty, sparkling stone, I�ve yet to see a TV scene in passing where said medium/healer/protector is a normal-looking individual. And perhaps they�ve brought that stereotype on themselves (rather radical, superficially mystical, and often quite clueless). One of the most comical scenes I�ve bothered to watch involved a corpulent woman jumping on top of a man to protect him from the devil � as if her body would ward off whatever �demon� was believed to possess the man. Maybe that certain strain of psychic would have a wider appeal if they didn�t act so very bizarre.

My mother and I were in the car, and she was looking rather amused. Before I could open my mouth to ask her what she was laughing at, she launched into a moderately short history of the events that had just ensued in the parking lot.

�I was getting into my car, and there was one of those purple pieces of paper advertising for a psychic. The papers were stuck to all the windshields in the parking lot. So, I looked at it for a few minutes before I decided to toss it on the ground next to the car.� At this point, I was distraught over both the fact that my mother had littered, and that I usually love to keep psychic fliers. I�m not kidding, either � I must have a stack of them somewhere by now. �The thing is, � she continued, �is that I realized after I had tossed the paper on the ground that the woman who had been distributing them was still in the parking lot! She walked right up next to me, picked up the paper I dropped (barely giving me a glance) and stuck it on the windshield of the car next to me! Can you believe it, Kelly? I was so embarrassed!�

What appealed to me most about this situation was that my mother has spent the last three or four years trying to understand my interest in Witchcraft and metaphysics and the Occult in general � trying to be �politically� correct when using blanket terms, and trying her very best to translate whatever I�m going on about (and I do it quite often, usually forgetting she has no clue about Akashic records or totem animals or Aleister Crowley). After her encounter with what she perceived as �one of my folk, � she went into rapid-fire-question mode. �Do you believe in psychics, Kelly? Do you think people can see the future? Do you think a lady can read your palm and know about you? Do you think people can talk to ghosts?� and on and on, as if trying to confirm whether I was mentally stable or if I, her only daughter, had been sucked into the evil grip of garishly dressed hoodoo women.

Unfortunately, at that point I couldn�t answer yes to any of those questions for fear of being dragged to a psychiatrist (a threat I�ve been reckoning with since I was thirteen and decided to �get into all of this�). Seeing the �psychic�s� influence on my unequivocally muggle mother made me wonder � is this how we�re perceived? If I mention divination to a random person, will they automatically think of silly-looking women sitting in front of glass balls in a dumpy little room, advertised by a flashing neon �PSYCHIC!� on the window? How can I possibly mention scrying if one�s only contact with that foreign word was on a purple flyer? Forget Harry Potter�s influence � the public can�t really escape from Occultish ads on their windshields.

Luckily for all of us, we�re not confined to phony psychics who charge exorbitant amounts of money for a five-minute telephone reading. Just like Christians have access to good priests/churches/preachers, there DO exist many normal and functioning mentors, teachers, and even *gasp!* psychics. But I�ve come to the decision that I�m overjoyed by the presence of phonies, because isn�t it an incredibly amusing and pleasant surprise to be greeted by neon advertisements chock-full of misspelled words and contradictory phrases attached to your windshield wiper? Isn�t it great to succumb to their gaudy call, actually go to the self-proclaimed psychic, and be told that both your future love interests will be several inches shorter than you (I�m 5�1)? Or the vague declaration that you�re surrounded by pyramids? Absolutely lovely, I�d say.

So, my conclusion is that people who take their beliefs to often-silly levels deserve a niche in our society and a pat on the back. What could be more humorous than watching the confusion on my usually all-knowing, cool-calm-and-collected mother when she�s presented with the idea of fortune-telling? Watching some guy rap the �Hail Mary� Saturday morning on government access television is equally as gratifying. Of course, most Christians believe in Mary, just as most of us Pagan folk believe in metaphysical aspects like fortune telling. The context in which both are presented can be either hysterical or serious, accordingly.

� Oh, excuse me. I�ll be back in a moment� A rerun of The Jim and Tammy Show is on. I�m armed with a bowl of popcorn and a pretty purple flyer.

ABOUT...

Akasha

Location: Troy, Michigan

Website: http://groups.msn.com/OaklandYoungWiccansStudyCircle

Bio: I'm (almost) sixteen, live in Michigan, and have been studying for about three years.

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