Articles/Essays From Pagans
March 2nd. 2014 ...
The Wiccan Priest - The Misunderstood Role
Lessons of Ostara: Six Ways to Move Forward
Which is Which? Am I a Warlock or a Witch?
The Secret Teaching: Selected Aspects
February 23rd. 2014 ...
Wicca or Traditional Witchcraft: Some Differences
Everything is Not Under Your Control: Making Sense of the Senseless
The Wonders and Gifts of Paganism and Community
What Makes Us What We Are
February 16th. 2014 ...
Death, Grief, and Psychopomp Work in Shamanic Healing
The Stones of Fear: Anxiety Relief
Spiritual Traveler: Form To Essence
Alternative Medicine – What Is It?
February 9th. 2014 ...
Words of Power!
The Allure of Glamour in the Apocolypse
Lunar Insight Planetary Preponderances: Year of the Horse, Imbolc and Mercury Grazings
February 2nd. 2014 ...
The Magick of Jewelry and Metals
Building a Magick Mirror
The Golden Bough: a Study Guide (Part 2)
January 26th. 2014 ...
Love of Self: The Hardest Thing To Do
The Golden Bough as a Seminal Work in the Neo Pagan Movement (Part 1)
13 Keys: The Mercy of Chesed
Lightworking In The Screen Age: Staying Connected
January 19th. 2014 ...
Open Letter to the Goddess
A Southern Girl's Guide to Hospitality
Social Conventions and the Pagan World
January 12th. 2014 ...
Never Once Was There a An Athame Near My Chalice: My Very Sheltered Occultist Upbringing
One Wiccan's Journey Through Depression
January 5th. 2014 ...
Religion vs Practice: Defining Witchcraft in a Modern Age
Traditional Apprenticeships: Training in the Modern Pagan Abbey
2014's Magickal Magnificent Manifestations!
Lunar Insight Moon Musings, Planetary Preponderances: Wise and Wild
December 29th. 2013 ...
My Top Ten Favorite Cauldrons (Part 3)
13 Keys: The Might of Geburah
Beyond The Season of Greed
December 22nd. 2013 ...
My Top Ten Favorite Cauldrons (Part 2)
December 15th. 2013 ...
The Hex Murder of 1928
My Top Ten Favorite Cauldrons (Part 1)
Lady of the Forest Mist (A Story of the Woods)
Lunar Insight Moon Musings: Hunting, Fires and Parting Shots
December 8th. 2013 ...
Help and Thoughts for Pagans New to the Journey
Using Your Wand in Reverse
Leaving a Group - Part 2: Leaving, Healing and Moving Forward
The Cry of the Soul
December 1st. 2013 ...
The Tarot as a Tool for Raising Consciousness
A Pragmatic Look at Neo Paganism
Leaving a Pagan Group – Part 1: To Leave or to Stay?
November 24th. 2013 ...
The Pagan and the Papacy
The Groovy Aquarian Christ: Jesus From a Pagan Perspective
November 17th. 2013 ...
For Love of the God
Which Witch? Philosophical and Psychological Roots of Wicca
A Threat to Religious Liberties?
November 10th. 2013 ...
Where did Aleister Crowley’s Influence on Wicca Go?
Thoughts on the Threefold Law/Law of Return
The Celtic Tree Calendar
Nine Creeds: A Statement and Explanation of My Beliefs
November 3rd. 2013 ...
The Mundane/Spiritual Mirror: What Does it Say About Your Life?
October 27th. 2013 ...
Thoughts On a Miley-Cyrus/ Robin-Thicke Society
On Being Wiccan: Some Unsolicited Advice
Pagan Religious Communities in your Area: Connecting With and Creating Them
Banishing, Invocation and the Lesser Ritual of the Pentagram
October 20th. 2013 ...
Bottle Spells and Magick in Hoodoo Tradition
Weather Magick: Who is Responsible for the Weather?
Broom Closet: In or Out?
On Coven and Claws
October 13th. 2013 ...
Destroying to Create: A Lesson from the Dead
Consume the Scorpion- Scorpion Energy Revisited
October 6th. 2013 ...
UPG and U: A Breakdown and Building Up of Unverified and Unsubstantiated Personal Gnosis
Answering The Call from Spirit
Coping with the Loss of a Familiar
The Five-way Road: A Pagan Pilgrimage, Part 2 (The South)
September 29th. 2013 ...
Six Reasons Why Covens are Here to Stay
Priestessing and Titles: What's the Point?
Truth or Convenience? Questioning Motives for Spiritual Advancement
Speaking Up: The Conflict Between the Spiritualist and Our Human Experience
September 22nd. 2013 ...
Death of a Friendship within the Craft
The Five-way Road: A Pagan Pilgrimage, Part 1 (The Center)
September 15th. 2013 ...
Some Pagan Prayers
The Holocaust Survivor (Part II)
Lunar Insight Moon Musings: Bramble and Cerridwen
NOTE: For a complete list of articles related to this chapter... Visit the Main Index FOR this section.
The Road Later Traveled
Article ID: 12732
Age Group: Adult
Days Up: 2,056
Times Read: 3,014
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Posted: July 20th. 2008
Times Viewed: 3,014
In the stories I’ve read here, it appears that many people began Paganism in their early teens. Not me. I started at eighteen, and didn’t get serious until twenty-one. My story is hard for me to believe, after looking back these three years. How could I, a devout Sunday School attendee and Biblical genius since the age of seven, become a open and out Pagan? Well the story goes like this.
At a young age I was curious about everything, and for a while, church satisfied that curiosity. After I turned ten, however, everything changed. My curiosity ended and childhood kicked in. Even though I went every Sunday constantly, my Baptist beliefs were getting harder and harder to understand. At thirteen, Sundays became monotonous. Also I began questioning things like free will and choice. Also I began to develop an interest in plants and “experiments”, which complimented my growing interest in what I called “magic.” (I was shunned from doing this by my grandmother.) I found that it was natural to me, and began having dreams of being all-powerful and studying things like the moon and stars. It brought back my curiosity. I held on to my beliefs taught to me since childhood while in high school, but I began to read up on herbal remedies and astrology. I was called a “witch” at times, but I denied it, as back then, I associated the word with evil, at least that’s what my religious teachings told me. Besides, there was no such thing, right?
In my junior year in high school, my first small crush was a girl. This new discovery threw me. Now, I questioned not only my beliefs, but also myself. Was I good enough for the eternal paradise taught to me in my youth? Out of all the things I could be this was the worst. I tried to brush it off, but it kept coming up in my thoughts. I didn’t want to graduate confused and worried about my life. To squash my “wrongful feelings”, I went from humble Baptist to radical Fundamental over the course of my senior year. For a while, I was content with myself, with no thoughts of magic of girls. I became an amateur graphic designer while in school. My family stopped badgering me. I started college in the fall of 2005, studying Culinary Arts. I was doing well in my classes and in my personal life, which was until I discovered the college library.
While looking for pictures for my graphic design work, I stumbled onto the children’s page of a Pagan website. At first, I thought I seeing things. “Magic isn’t real, ” I thought. But as the next few nights passed, my forgotten curious nature started to kick in. I went back to the website and read up on this new belief and found that these people called themselves Witches. I didn’t laugh anymore. I found that they were a part of an umbrella term called Paganism. My childhood musings finally had meaning. I spent hours and hours doing extensive research that brought me all of the answers that I wanted. At first, I was fluffy at best, and outright arrogant at most. That’s probably why I got myself into trouble a lot at the church I was going to. I quickly learned my lesson and got serious. My dawn of realization about girls came when I danced with one at a youth conference. I looked the subject up and found out that most branches of Paganism didn’t care too much about orientation. I was relieved. Finally, a place I could belong. A new world had opened to me, one where I could find my own way and hopefully not be judged for it.
But the judgment came.
I was removed from the youth night groups at my church and finally I stopped going all together. My family began to question what I was doing, saying that I’ve changed and am more secretive. In a family of Baptists, however, I had to hide my “other self” in fear of swift judgment. I did my workings in secret and hid my books in my dresser. I had friends who supported me, and still do, so I never reached rock bottom, but I did suffer some depression.
I turned twenty and got my first girlfriend. Things were going right again. My Paganism became more serious. But a new issue came up. When I told my orientation teacher that I was a Pagan, she said, “I didn’t know that we were into that.” Of course “we” meaning black people. I was surprised at this remark. My family doesn’t believe me either. And for a while, I believed them. Then I did my own research and not only found the Egyptian pantheon, but also, when I went to a Pagan Picnic later that year, I found several black Pagans, which put those former statements out of my head.
Now at twenty-one, I’m an aspiring Kitchen Witch with a swaying towards Egyptian deities. I’m studying herbal uses in healing, forms of Divination like Tarot and rune work, and Astrology and Astronomy. My altar is still in the works, but it still makes me happy. I have yet to take part in any full rituals on my own yet, but recently I’ve felt a calling and I may do one soon. My psychic abilities have grown and while scary at first, I’ve grown used to it and accept them as one of my many gifts from the Divine. I'm still learning, and still researching.
Looking back on my life I still find it somewhat surprising what I’ve been through. But I did it. I’ve chosen my path and, if given the chance, would do it again. I hope that one day, my family and me can make amends, but for now, I’ll keep my beliefs quiet around them, just to keep peace.
I know that there are some people out there that didn’t find their Path until adulthood and are still struggling with it. Don’t worry. Just having chosen your path is a step, no matter how small it may seem. Ask for advice if you can. Find allies. If you have Internet, do research.
While I respect fellow Pagans who have come so far in such a short amount of time, I realize that not everyone gets to that point as fast, including myself. One day I’ll get it together, and so will others like me.
Location: St. Louis, Missouri
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