Witchvox Article

Author: RiJayden
Posted: July 20th. 2008
Times Viewed: 2,811

In the stories I�ve read here, it appears that many people began Paganism in their early teens. Not me. I started at eighteen, and didn�t get serious until twenty-one. My story is hard for me to believe, after looking back these three years. How could I, a devout Sunday School attendee and Biblical genius since the age of seven, become a open and out Pagan? Well the story goes like this.

At a young age I was curious about everything, and for a while, church satisfied that curiosity. After I turned ten, however, everything changed. My curiosity ended and childhood kicked in. Even though I went every Sunday constantly, my Baptist beliefs were getting harder and harder to understand. At thirteen, Sundays became monotonous. Also I began questioning things like free will and choice. Also I began to develop an interest in plants and �experiments�, which complimented my growing interest in what I called �magic.� (I was shunned from doing this by my grandmother.) I found that it was natural to me, and began having dreams of being all-powerful and studying things like the moon and stars. It brought back my curiosity. I held on to my beliefs taught to me since childhood while in high school, but I began to read up on herbal remedies and astrology. I was called a �witch� at times, but I denied it, as back then, I associated the word with evil, at least that�s what my religious teachings told me. Besides, there was no such thing, right?

In my junior year in high school, my first small crush was a girl. This new discovery threw me. Now, I questioned not only my beliefs, but also myself. Was I good enough for the eternal paradise taught to me in my youth? Out of all the things I could be this was the worst. I tried to brush it off, but it kept coming up in my thoughts. I didn�t want to graduate confused and worried about my life. To squash my �wrongful feelings�, I went from humble Baptist to radical Fundamental over the course of my senior year. For a while, I was content with myself, with no thoughts of magic of girls. I became an amateur graphic designer while in school. My family stopped badgering me. I started college in the fall of 2005, studying Culinary Arts. I was doing well in my classes and in my personal life, which was until I discovered the college library.

While looking for pictures for my graphic design work, I stumbled onto the children�s page of a Pagan website. At first, I thought I seeing things. �Magic isn�t real, � I thought. But as the next few nights passed, my forgotten curious nature started to kick in. I went back to the website and read up on this new belief and found that these people called themselves Witches. I didn�t laugh anymore. I found that they were a part of an umbrella term called Paganism. My childhood musings finally had meaning. I spent hours and hours doing extensive research that brought me all of the answers that I wanted. At first, I was fluffy at best, and outright arrogant at most. That�s probably why I got myself into trouble a lot at the church I was going to. I quickly learned my lesson and got serious. My dawn of realization about girls came when I danced with one at a youth conference. I looked the subject up and found out that most branches of Paganism didn�t care too much about orientation. I was relieved. Finally, a place I could belong. A new world had opened to me, one where I could find my own way and hopefully not be judged for it.

But the judgment came.

I was removed from the youth night groups at my church and finally I stopped going all together. My family began to question what I was doing, saying that I�ve changed and am more secretive. In a family of Baptists, however, I had to hide my �other self� in fear of swift judgment. I did my workings in secret and hid my books in my dresser. I had friends who supported me, and still do, so I never reached rock bottom, but I did suffer some depression.

I turned twenty and got my first girlfriend. Things were going right again. My Paganism became more serious. But a new issue came up. When I told my orientation teacher that I was a Pagan, she said, �I didn�t know that we were into that.� Of course �we� meaning black people. I was surprised at this remark. My family doesn�t believe me either. And for a while, I believed them. Then I did my own research and not only found the Egyptian pantheon, but also, when I went to a Pagan Picnic later that year, I found several black Pagans, which put those former statements out of my head.

Now at twenty-one, I�m an aspiring Kitchen Witch with a swaying towards Egyptian deities. I�m studying herbal uses in healing, forms of Divination like Tarot and rune work, and Astrology and Astronomy. My altar is still in the works, but it still makes me happy. I have yet to take part in any full rituals on my own yet, but recently I�ve felt a calling and I may do one soon. My psychic abilities have grown and while scary at first, I�ve grown used to it and accept them as one of my many gifts from the Divine. I'm still learning, and still researching.

Looking back on my life I still find it somewhat surprising what I�ve been through. But I did it. I�ve chosen my path and, if given the chance, would do it again. I hope that one day, my family and me can make amends, but for now, I�ll keep my beliefs quiet around them, just to keep peace.

I know that there are some people out there that didn�t find their Path until adulthood and are still struggling with it. Don�t worry. Just having chosen your path is a step, no matter how small it may seem. Ask for advice if you can. Find allies. If you have Internet, do research.

While I respect fellow Pagans who have come so far in such a short amount of time, I realize that not everyone gets to that point as fast, including myself. One day I�ll get it together, and so will others like me.

ABOUT...

RiJayden

Location: St. Louis, Missouri

Author's Profile: To learn more about RiJayden - Click HERE

Bio: I am a student in college, currently on break. I'm an amateur graphic designer and artist.

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