Your browser does not support script
TWV Presents...

Articles/Essays From Pagans

[Show all]

Views: 19,797,071

March 4th. 2017 ...

Finding Balance: Discipline Wedded to Devotion

February 10th. 2017 ...

Understanding the Unseen

Kitchen Magic and Memories

January 10th. 2017 ...

The Gray of 'Tween

Becoming a Sacred Dancer

Little Dog, Big Love

December 9th. 2016 ...

A Child's First Yule

November 10th. 2016 ...

What Exactly Is Witchcraft?

A Witch in the Bible Belt: Questions are Opportunities

On Death and Passing: Compassion Burnout in Healers and Shamans

What I Get from Cooking (And How it’s Part of My Path)

October 10th. 2016 ...

Witchcraft from the Outside

September 11th. 2016 ...

Wild Mountain Woman: Landscape Goddess

How Did I Get Here? (My Pagan Journey)

September 3rd. 2016 ...

Rethinking Heaven: What Happens When We Die?

What is Happening in My Psychic Reading?

Nature’s Reward

August 12th. 2016 ...

When Reality Rattles your Idea of the Perfect Witch

Past Midnight

Hungarian Belief in Fairies

Designing a Pagan Last Will and Testament

July 13th. 2016 ...

What Every Pagan Should Know About Curses

Magic With A Flick of my Finger

An Open Mind and Heart

Finding and Caring for Your Frame Drum

June 13th. 2016 ...

Pollyanna Propaganda: The Distressing Trend of Victim-Blaming in Spirituality

Living a Magickal Life with Fibromyalgia

My Father, My First God

Life is Awesome... and the Flu

May 15th. 2016 ...

Wiccan Spirituality

Faery Guided Journey

How to Bond with the Elements through Magick

Magical Household Cleaning

Working with the Elements

April 2nd. 2016 ...

Becoming Wiccan: What I Never Expected

An Alternative Conception of Divine Reciprocity

The Evolution of Thought Forms

The Fear of Witchcraft

Rebirth By Fire: A Love Letter to Mama Maui and Lady Pele

Magic in Sentences

Blowing Bubbles with the Goddess

March 28th. 2016 ...

Revisiting The Spiral

Still Practicing

Lateral Transcendence: Toward Greater Compassion

Spring Has Sprung!

January 22nd. 2016 ...

Coming Out of the Broom Closet

Energy and Karma

Community and Perception

December 20th. 2015 ...

Introduction to Tarot For the Novice

Magia y Wicca

October 24th. 2015 ...

Facing Your Demons: The Shadow Self

The Dream Eater--A Practical Use of Summoning Talismans

Native American Spirituality Myopia

A Dream Message

Feeling the Pulse of Autumn

October 16th. 2015 ...

Sacred Lands, Sacred Hearts

September 30th. 2015 ...

The Other-Side

September 16th. 2015 ...

Vegan or Vegetarian? The Ethical Debate

Nature Worship: or Seeing the Trees for the Ents

August 6th. 2015 ...

Lost - A Pagan Parent's Tale

July 9th. 2015 ...

Love Spells: The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly

The Magic of Weather

June 7th. 2015 ...

A Pagan Altar

A Minority of a Minority of a Minority

The Consort: Silent Partner or Hidden in Plain Sight?

Why I Bother With Ritual: Poetry and Eikonic Atheism

May 6th. 2015 ...

Gods, Myth, and Ritual in Naturalistic Paganism

I Claim Cronehood

13 Keys: The Crown of Kether

March 29th. 2015 ...

A Thread in the Tapestry of Witchcraft

March 28th. 2015 ...

On Wiccan Magick, Theurgy, Thaumaturgy and Setting Expectations

March 1st. 2015 ...

Choosing to Write a Shadow Book

Historiolae: The Spell Within the Story

February 1st. 2015 ...

Seeker Advice From a Coven Leader

The Three Centers of Paganism

Magick is No Illusion

The Ancient Use of God/Goddess Surnames

January 1st. 2015 ...

The Six Most Valuable Lessons I've Learned on My Path as a Witch

Manipulation of the Concept of Witchcraft

Publicly Other: Witchcraft in the Suburbs

NOTE: For a complete list of articles related to this chapter... Visit the Main Index FOR this section.

Article Specs

Article ID: 14674

VoxAcct: 284878

Section: words

Age Group: Adult

Days Up: 2,041

Times Read: 4,221

RSS Views: 16,212
Finding Your Pagan Moral Compass: On Letting Go

Author: Deborah Castellano
Posted: August 28th. 2011
Times Viewed: 4,221

Now, as we just discussed in my previous article, I don't really ascribe to needing to forgive every person in your life. If that person has crossed a boundary that is unforgivable to you and you no longer wish to have a relationship with that person and strive to have as little contact with that person as possible, congratulations! I will be more than happy to write you a note excusing you from having to forgive that person.

So, we got through the first part where we've made that determination that we no longer wish to have that person in our lives and we don't wish to forgive him or her. But how do you keep yourself from being eaten up inside from all those negative feelings? We let go.

I think people in our culture are very hung up on forgiveness because it can be equated to letting go of all of those negative emotions you have bottled up inside, even Oprah has said something to that effect as a reader kindly pointed out to me. I think if you want to see letting go and forgiveness as the same thing, rock out. You're captain of your own ship, you can do whatever you like! To me they are two different things however.

Letting go is very difficult because it requires a lot of grown up contemplation that many of us are ill equipped to deal with. But I assure you, it can be done! If I've done it, rest assured so can you. But, as someone else once told me, you can't just take a car from park straight into third gear, you need some steps in between. The first step of letting go is purging. You need to be as angry, sad, unhappy, whatever negative emotions are being brought up from terminating this relationship. You need to give yourself permission to feel like crap and phone it in for a while basically.

This means journaling and venting to close friends, crying as much as you need to really make sure you get the poison out. Be as mean as you need to be, cry every night if it helps, do the bare minimum for your life to not fall apart (i.e. pay bills, go to work and do whatever you need to do to not get fired, shower, eat and complete whatever other basic tasks that are part of your life that are vital to your well being like taking medication and taking care of your children, etc) but feel free to punch out on the non essentials. If it feels awesome to lie on the couch in yoga pants and a t-shirt and wolf down a pint of salted caramel gelato while watching a Bridezillas marathon, go with god/dess/es.

But this time period where you get to complain as much as you want and be a zombie is finite, my friends. Too much indulgence in this behavior will make it a habit. Depending on the severity of your situation, six weeks max is really what you get to be as self-involved as you need to be before we move onto hard work. As a Pagan mentor of mine told me when I was going through my divorce, in the Victorian era wives who lost their husbands were expected to mourn them for either the rest of their lives or until they remarried. They had to basically make their lives completely stop, wear mourning clothes and were not allowed to move on which made a widow's life incredibly hard.

In modern culture, many women who go through a divorce wind up doing this to themselves, they build a shrine to their ex-husband in their head and they nurse every hurt that their ex gave to them past and present to the point that all they can still talk about years later is their ex. Don't be like that; don't give him that kind of power. Good advice, no?

Don't get me wrong; you'll relapse now and then. Maybe in your process something gets stirred up and takes you back to the person you're letting go of. Maybe you hear about their good fortune and it makes you want to claw your own eyes out. It's okay, it happens. Give it a day or three to complain and be aggravated or sad but then let go of it again. But don't fall into the trap that's described in the Mean Girls movie: I could hear people getting bored with me. But I couldn't stop. It just kept coming up like word vomit. When it starts to feel like word vomit, you need to stop because it's starting to eat you from the inside out. And you do not want to give that other person that kind of power over you.

Charm to Stop Word Vomit

Put a rubber band on your wrist. When you feel the word vomit threatening to spew, snap it sharply and say this charm:

When I snap this rubber band,
I will not word vomit just as planned.

So this is hard work I keep talking about, right? Take a good, long hard look at what you did to contribute to the disintegration of your relationship with the person you're letting go of. Think about what things you could have done better in that relationship, what you could improve on, what you needed to learn from that relationship and how to be a better person because of it.

I really think giving myself time to get through all of that and take a really honest personal inventory of myself and reflect on how I could improve as a person has made it so that I could let go of the people who had crossed boundaries with me that I couldn't forgive. The problem I often see is that people get to the self-reflection part and then it's just all “OMFG! The other person was so TOXIC! I'm so glad I'm away from that person!”

Think about it this way: you are giving that person far too much control and power. If that person really had that much power that you cut her out of your life and voila! everything's perfect again without you having to do anything but cut that person out... well that person must be a pretty formidable opponent. So formidable that they must be like Godzilla stomping through various innocent bystanders' Tokyo.

Is that really what happened? Really? You had no control, no power, no voice at all in that situation? Or maybe, just maybe, you did some terrible things too. Or at the very least, went along to get along? It's okay to not have done things perfectly. It's okay to have made mistakes. If you can acknowledge that you made mistakes, this gives you more power because you can fix a mistake a lot easier than a random Godzilla lurking about ready to cause problems at your ramen stand at any given moment.

Were you too selfish? Did you sometimes like to wind the person up? Did you yell a lot? Did you rather be right than be happy? Awesome! That's all stuff you can work on.

At the same time, it's totally okay to call the situation toxic! When you say this to yourself or others also add, “and I know I contributed to it too”. Try it; it's liberating! Taking responsibility for your actions is probably the most liberating awesome thing you can do in life because then you own them and they're yours to fix and learn from them.

Taking responsibility for your actions is one of the best things you can do for your moral compass as a Pagan. It really helps you figure out the life you want to lead and helps you figure out what tools you need to lead it.

Footnotes: and c=words and id=14633

Copyright: Copyrighted 2011 by Deborah Castellano


Deborah Castellano

Location: , New Jersey


Author's Profile: To learn more about Deborah Castellano - Click HERE

Bio: Deborah blogs regularly over at Charmed, I'm Sure: A Finishing School for Dropout Dilettantes Discussing Charms, Hexes, Housewifery, Hearth Witchery and Deportment

Other Articles: Deborah Castellano has posted 29 additional articles- View them?

Other Listings: To view ALL of my listings: Click HERE

Email Deborah Castellano... (No, I have NOT opted to receive Pagan Invites! Please do NOT send me anonymous invites to groups, sales and events.)

To send a private message to Deborah Castellano ...

Pagan Essays

Pagan Web
8,000 Links

Pagan Groups
Local Covens etc.

80,000 Profiles

Home - TWV Logos - Email US - Privacy
News and Information

Chapters: Pagan/Heathen Basics - Pagan BOOKS - Traditions, Paths & Religions - Popular Pagan Holidays - TV & Movies - Cats of the Craft - Festival Reviews - Festival Tips - White Pages (Resources) - Issues/Concerns - West Memphis 3 - Witch Hunts - Pagan Protection Tips - Healing Planet Earth

Your Voices: Adult Essays - Young Pagan Essays - Pagan Perspectives (On Hold) - WitchWars: Fire in the Craft - Gay Pagan - Pagan Parenting - Military - Pagan Passages

Pagan Music: Pagan Musicians - Bardic Circle at WitchVox - Free Music from TWV

Vox Central: About TWV - Wren: Words, Wrants and Wramblings - Guest Rants - Past Surveys - A Quest for Unity

Weekly Updates: Click HERE for an index of our weekly updates for the past 6 years

W.O.T.W. - World-Wide Networking

Your Town: A Link to YOUR Area Page (The largest listing of Witches, Pagans, Heathens and Wiccans on the Planet)

VoxLinks: The Pagan Web: 8,000 Listings

Your Witchvox Account: Log in Now - Create New Account - Request New Password - Log in Problems

Personal Listings: Pagan Clergy in Your Town - Adult Pagans - Young Pagans - Military Pagans

Events: Circles, Gatherings, Workshops & Festivals

Covens/Groups/Orgs: Local Groups Main Page

Other LOCAL Resources: Local Shops - Regional Sites - Local Notices - Global/National Notices - Local Skills & Services - Local Egroups - Political Freedom Fighters

Pagan Shopping: Online Shops Index - Original Crafters Sites - Auction Sites - Pagan Wholesalers - Pagan Local Shops

Web Site Content (including: text - graphics - html - look & feel)
Copyright 1997-2017 The Witches' Voice Inc. All rights reserved
Note: Authors & Artists retain the copyright for their work(s) on this website.
Unauthorized reproduction without prior permission is a violation of copyright laws.

Website structure, evolution and php coding by Fritz Jung on a Macintosh G5.

Any and all personal political opinions expressed in the public listing sections (including, but not restricted to, personals, events, groups, shops, Wren’s Nest, etc.) are solely those of the author(s) and do not reflect the opinion of The Witches’ Voice, Inc. TWV is a nonprofit, nonpartisan educational organization.

Sponsorship: Visit the Witches' Voice Sponsor Page for info on how you
can help support this Community Resource. Donations ARE Tax Deductible.
The Witches' Voice carries a 501(c)(3) certificate and a Federal Tax ID.

Mail Us: The Witches' Voice Inc., P.O. Box 341018, Tampa, Florida 33694-1018 U.S.A.
Witches, Pagans
of The World

Search Articles

 Current Topic
 Editorial Guide

NOTE: The essay on this page contains the writings and opinions of the listed author(s) and is not necessarily shared or endorsed by the Witches' Voice inc.

The Witches' Voice does not verify or attest to the historical accuracy contained in the content of this essay.

All WitchVox essays contain a valid email address, feel free to send your comments, thoughts or concerns directly to the listed author(s).