Becoming Wiccan: What I Never Expected
Article ID: 15684
Age Group: Adult
Days Up: 601
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Posted: April 2nd. 2016
Times Viewed: 4,516
It all started when I was a child, really. I was an angry little bugger and had no control over anything. One time a kid got me so upset I just stood up and threw a desk and walked out (note that was in the first grade when this happened) . But as I got older, I calmed down more and more even though the bulling I endured for “being different” didn’t stop until about the seventh grade.
I always had an intense interest in the supernatural and Magick. I remember I sat with my mother one time and swore I saw a Gryphon flying up in the sky. She scoffed and said, “Miss Alyssa, those things you think of just aren’t real.” But I wouldn’t have it. I always say to myself:
“There’s no such thing as myths, myths are just amazing things that we just haven’t proven yet or only a few selected people have seen. No such thing as a myth.”
Whether it’s dragons, dryads, flying elephants, or chupacabras, there are no ‘myths’ in my book. I’ve stuck to that saying my whole life, and dang, did that saying take me for a ride! I always called myself a Wiccan even though I didn’t fully understand it. You know, like one of those "I'm a witch! Look at me!" things and I would try to do small spells and be all cool with my stick-wand. As the thought of becoming a formal Wiccan came into my mind, I began to think more and more about it. And that fall of 2013 changed my life entirely.
I was in a hole really. My mind became clouded with worry and anxiety. It was almost the end of fall and I suffered from depression. The barn owner I trusted for six bloody years murdered my girlfriend’s horse. Long story short, the barn owner didn’t provide adequate for care her horses. The paddocks were small and were made of electric rope (sounds pretty horrible, doesn’t it?) and my girlfriend, who’s name is Maia, and I received a call that her 16.3hh Appendix Quarter Horse had been in a fight with a horse next to her and had her leg wrapped in the electric rope wire. Well, the horse had fallen while frantically running away from the rope that was wrapped around her body and broke her knee and she had to be put down. So, why was it the barn’s fault? We specifically told them to please put her horse away from that horse she fought with and into a safer, larger paddock since she was so large. No one listened and this whole thing happened. But what does this have to do with me becoming a Wiccan?
Depressed that my not-so-friends-after-all had betrayed me and gotten the girl I love so deeply upset, I felt like I was trapped and had nowhere to turn. My girlfriend is a Wiccan and I told her how I felt and she asked me about starting to formally become a Wiccan in order to start focusing on something other than my sadness and to perhaps feel hopeful again. I researched, researched and researched. I told her I didn't understand and I was confused but she helped me through it and helped me understand everything. And on January 14th, 2014, I started my Book of Shadows to begin my Year and a Day studies.
I’ll be completely honest. I was a bit unsure going into this. I was worried, skeptical, paranoid, scared, confused and a mixture of all those combined into one emotion that eventually brewed up some excitement in my little head. My studies are fascinating really! I enjoy them more and more every time I pick up a new book or read a new article. So much knowledge! I began to feel hopeful. I am hopeful. The studies and new knowledge helped me get out of my hole and back on track to my life and shed some light.
The first few months of my studies were good and steady. Maia started teaching me more about the Deities like the Norse, Greek and Roman and, of course, the Goddess herself! I instantly grew attached to the Norse gods and the Goddess. In my BoS, I began to associate things with them and write about them more. Maia told me to “open myself up” to the Gods and Goddesses in case one would contact me, and I did. I got nothing at first. At first.
I hoped that Odin or Thor (or anyone really) would contact me. I began to notice everyday at the barn these two ravens, not crows but ravens, start hanging around the barn and seem to follow and watch me. I might be paranoid but I began to think it was Odin watching over me. To this day, as I’m writing this, these ravens appear and cackle amongst themselves and cause me to wonder what they are here for. Honestly, it's comforting though. The birds are great company around the barn and when I go on trails I tend to watch them fly around while sitting on my horse taking photos of the scenery.
But, this wasn’t the contact I received. No, my contact came from a dream. And that is what my next article will be about: the dream that made me believe that I am not alone.
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