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Article Specs
Article ID: 12902
VoxAcct: 362711
Section: words
Age Group: Adult
Days Up: 376
Times Read: 2,418
RSS Views: 14,955
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Open Letter To My Enemy
Author: Sitara Haye
Posted: August 23rd. 2009
Times Viewed: 2,418
Dear Enemy,
Please forgive the somewhat impersonal touch in this greeting. You've worn a number of faces in my lifetime, been so many different people. Yet my affection for you is certain. Regardless of what name I've called your mask, you are dear to me. And I know now that I am dear to you.
I write this letter to say thank you. Thank you for every way you have caused me pain and for taking the time to choose a person who was naturally good at hitting just the right points within me to cause damage. Thank you for crafting the lessons I needed to learn and providing enough discomfort in the experience to encourage me to change.
Thank you for every argument, every malicious blog post, every lie told and every story over exaggerated. Thank you for every time they ridiculed my tears, said I was something I wasn't, spread a rumor, assaulted my spirit, accused me of something I didn't do, held a grudge, acted completely selfishly, and violated the things that were sacred to me.
Thank you for being that bad friend, that immature person, that crazy bitch, that broken boy, that blind martyr, that hardhearted teacher, that blamer, that abuser, that molester, that lost love.
Without you, I would not be who I am. I would not have faced my own inner weaknesses nearly as well or developed near my strength of mind, heart, or spirit. For that, I consider all debts between us paid and I release your messengers to return to you.
I realize that it's time for us to say farewell, to be enemies no more. Some of your recent actions (that at one point would have caused me harm) don't cause me to feel anything but compassion for those living masks you are still wearing. They do not realize they were simply tools, and they suffer on, and I wish them well in fighting the battle they do not realize they are also waging with you.
But we are at a stalemate, you and I, oh Enemy of mine. You know my weaknesses, but now you cannot reach them. My truth trumps your truth, my will bends your will, my love equals your love, and my shield turns your blows. I can see you smiling as I wait for the pain that doesn't come... not because you have pulled your punches, but because your sword cannot penetrate me, because I am equal to you, because the weaknesses you violated again and again are no longer weaknesses to me. And you are proud of me.
You spent a great deal of time poking at the places in which I doubted myself, and that one feint was enough to put me on the losing end for most of our encounters. But now, you do not challenge me. You just stare at me through the eyes of those you have used to teach me. I see you separate from them, the lesson separate from the teacher, the message separate from the messenger. It was never the teacher or the messenger that was important to my life, but what they had to convey. I do not hate the messengers you have used, but neither have I any use for them in my life.
There have been a few you have used that I believe are truly good people and I misinterpreted their actions through my own pain, fear, and weakness. One day there may be reconciliation there. But there have been some that are truly broken, sick, twisted, and aligned with things I cannot abide in my life. These were only worth their message. These can go to their self-created hells, their purpose served. I will pray for them and their darkness of mind and heart, so deep a darkness that they think it light compared to what lies within them.
I have learned as well that it is not my duty to save them, nor was it their duty to save me (though I tried to give a few that job to do) . I understand now that each student has their master, each person their enemy, and each soul their lessons, and there are no spiritual challenges for which we may stand in and fight for another, lest we make them weaker for not having to fight their own battles.
The peace I feel as we stand here is infinite. And I know we shall meet again, and again in my lifetime. I shall know you by your touch on my scars, and should I feel the pain of your well-placed sparring blows, I will pause and strengthen again and become the student again and meet the challenge. A warrior's skills are not maintained in idleness, and so I know you will test me throughout my life, to make sure I am still hard yet soft, firm yet flexible, wise yet receptive.
This letter has been a long time in coming. I only realized this week the full meaning behind what had happened when something that should have hurt, didn't, and your messenger proved him/herself the fool. You have trained me well.
You know my heart, my intentions, my power, my skills, my spirit, and my oaths. I know there will be times (and have been times) that you will need to wear my face. Now I see that all I can be is who I am, and yes, your other students will see me as their enemy. They may never grow enough to understand that I am simply your mask, and for that, I will receive blame that is not my due.
Thank you for showing me that such blame is not mine to shoulder as long as my core is unwavering and my heart pure. Thank you for showing me that it is common for those being tested to judge... that keen discernment that they turn on the messenger is there to help them see themselves. There is no power in them that can make me into something other than what I am.
I have faced and equaled my Enemy. I am beyond the reach of any mere Messenger now.
Enemy... Saturnine friend... honorable villain. Beneath your disguise, I see only love. I have laid down my weapons of fear and anger, for there is no pain to protect. Only the clarions light of an autumn sun on a student become a master of herself.
Copyright: (c) Sitara Haye, 2008
ABOUT...
Sitara Haye
Location: Tennessee, Tennessee
Website: http://www.sitarahaye.com
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