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Publicly Other: Witchcraft in the Suburbs
The Six Most Valuable Lessons I've Learned on My Path as a Witch
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GOD AND ME (A Pagan's Personal Reply to the New Atheists)
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To Know, to Will, to Dare...
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Are You a Natural Witch?
You Have to Believe We Are Magic...
July 27th. 2014 ...
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The New Jersey Finishing School for Would-Be Glamour Girls and Boys
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My Wiccan Ways...
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Keys: Opening the Portals into Other Worlds
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Results Magic and the Moral Compass
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Finding the God (From Christian to Pagan -Part II)
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Breaking the Law of Return
Mental and Emotional Balance- I CAN Have it!
Karma and Sin
The Sin Concept
May 4th. 2014 ...
Embracing my Inner Goddess through Belly Dance
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April 27th. 2014 ...
Mental Illness in the Pagan Community
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April 20th. 2014 ...
Six Rules for Safer Pagan Sex: A Guide
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Morality and Controversy in the Craft
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Love Spell Substitutions: Practical Solutions for Love On Valentine’s Day
Article ID: 14952
Age Group: Adult
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Author: Kiki's Cauldron
Posted: February 12th. 2012
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Having worked in the magickal community as a healer, diviner, and teacher, I have been approached dozens of times about love spells. There have been numerous instances where I've had to work with customers who come into the metaphysical shop, looking for the right ingredients to concoct a magickal spell. They want love, immediately, sometimes from a specific person. They want the perfect man to come just drop into their laps, without putting in the effort to meet people or to make ourselves available. What I mean to say is this: spell work is not an easy, quick solution to your problems.
In this article I am going to ask you to put your magick in your pocket and consider different approaches to drawing more love, joy and happiness into your life. The mundane way. These are simply candid nuggets of wisdom, suggestions, food for thought, and recounts from my own experiences with clients. Even if you consider yourself a seasoned witch, I believe the advice below could be wonderful things to consider before rushing off to the magick shop to buy out their selection of red candles and rose incense. Sometimes, all you need is a little faith and confidence. Have some faith in yourself; believe that you can feel love for yourself and others, and that others will show their love in return. So, let's look at possibly ways to draw love in without the assistance of love spells.
When Love Spells Go Creepy
Love spells have been discussed amongst the magickal and Pagan community for a many intense discussions. It seems clear that most considerate and sane people agree that performing magick to manipulate the feelings of another specific person is a big no-no. Yet, still, I have been asked how to create a love spell to win the courtship of one specific mortal. One person went as far to say to me, "I want him to be bound to me, body and soul." Really? Not only is that so immoral, it is fairly creepy. If someone is uninterested in you, and is not willing on his or her own accord to be in the kind of relationship you desire, then perhaps you should keep your chin up and wait to find that person who is romantically interested in you. But behaving like the Evil Witch from Snow White in attempting to bind the body and soul of a person to your own is probably not the best first date for anyone. Not only that, if you are part of the Wiccan tradition, you believe the rule of three, and realize that what you put out there will return to you threefold. Who knows what could result from this kind of demented spell work - a nasty relationship? An obsessive relationship? A realization that he wasn't the right guy for you after all, and now you are in a rut and can't get out? A missed opportunity to meet the true prince or princess of your dreams? You never know what will result from manipulating the free will of another individual, but with most certainty, it will not benefit you in the end.
Read He’s Just Not That Into You
Here is some tough love: if he isn't showing you the love you want, then he's just not that into you. If he's not returning your phone calls or your text messages, he's just not that into you. If he's married, he's just not that into you. If he isn't giving you the two "Big A's": Attention and Affection, he's just not that into you. If he's just a lousy lover, a deadbeat, a downtrodden person, a troll or a bully, he's just not that into you (or himself) . If he is putting you down or making you feel less like a goddess and more like a nagging burden, he's just not that into you. If he makes you "crash on his couch, " he's just not that into you. If he's too busy raiding on World of Warcraft or fixing his car to take you to the movies, then he's just not that into you. Stop ignoring the signs! Stop saying “it's complicated” and head for the hills!
Relationships are meant to be a place of comfort, devotion, support, happiness, caring, and sensuality. Remember those words the next time that guy doesn’t text you back for a week and you are feeling distress and sadness from it. Practice patience in waiting for the right mate who is willing to give your relationship the attention it deserves to grow and flourish. Honest, heart-felt communication, dedication and unwavering support are the qualities of a strong relationship. Think of your partner as someone who nurtures and supports you and someone with whom you can explore the many facets of love. When they are wishy-washy, prone to disappearing for long amounts of time, unavailable emotionally, the commitment to a fulfilling relationship isn’t there. Save the drama for Vampire Diaries.
What is your attitude towards finding love?
If you think you are "going to be a lonely cat lady" for the rest of your life, then so mote it be. Attitude truly shifts and changes the way you feel about yourself and the prospect of romance. Have a little faith in yourself! When I see pictures on Facebook that say things like, "I am sarcastic as a defense against idiots, " then I can only imagine the pain and loneliness the person must be experiencing. Once, I read cards for a person who wanted to know why she couldn't find love in her life. The pin on her shirt boldly read, "Back off, I'm a goddess.” I do indeed believe we all have Goddess in us, but the phrase “Back Off” is clearly not a phrase that says, “I’m approachable and friendly.” What vibes are you putting out into the world about welcoming love and people into your life? If you judge someone before meeting them, have a long "sh*t list, " or automatically believe that everyone around you is an idiot, then you are most likely blocking out potential opportunities for all kinds of relationships, romantic and plutonic. Become accepting. Become friendly. Ask yourself what makes a person approachable. Love yourself; let others love you; love others. Like attracts like.
Stop saying that you attract the wrong mate.
How many times have you heard the phrases “I just attract mean guys, ” or “I just attract crazy girls”? We’ve all dated someone who turned out not-so-much “our type” but if there is a continuous pattern of lousy lovers in your life, perhaps it is time to get back to the drawing board to reassess what it is you actually want in a relationship. Who is your ideal mate? What are the qualities of said ideal mate? Take a moment to write down those qualities, staying thoughtful and positive. In other words, instead of saying, “He can’t be a loser” say, “He is highly ambitious.” This is also another situation where you can contemplate your own self-love, your own needs, and your own desires. You deserve the best from a romantic companion. Look in the mirror every morning repeat the following: "I deserve to be treated like a goddess (or god) ." Even if you have to force a grin on your face when you say it, after a while it will sink in and you will know it to be. And, more than anything, it is essential to meditate on the peace and simplicity of being happy with yourself, and not having to rely on others for good vibrations.
The love you take is equal to the love you make.
Thank the Beatles for this incredible slice of esoteric knowledge. Meditate on this one. The love you take is equal to the love you make. What kind of love makin' is going on in your life? Now, this is not a personal or cheeky question I'm asking you. How much love are you giving to the world? How kind are you? How affectionate are you? How interested are you in other people? What is your attitude about those who come to you in your life? Are you gracious, giving, trusting and accepting? Or, are you sarcastic, judgmental, cynical, and non-accepting? Sometimes just complimenting someone can make a world of difference.
I remember the other day I was in a slightly (okay majority) lousy mood. I was at the hospital for blood work (it’s an iron deficiency, don’t worry) . The girl who was drawing my blood was clearly in the same kind of mood as I was. She was closed off, a little cold, and not so thrilled I was there before her second cup of morning coffee. Then I noticed: this lady had the most beautiful eyelashes. So I told her. "Your eyelashes are gorgeous!" Something changed in her demeanor. Her face lit up and she smiled, "Really you think so?" Soon enough, we were both smiling, joking, and talking about makeup and her work. We both shifted into much better moods, and I know that the rest of my day was much brighter. So consider: when can you show compassion and love to people? Maybe there is a friend you are thinking about right now. Send them a text message and let them know. Perhaps you miss your parents. Send them a card in the mail. Perhaps you are just going to help an elderly lady walk across the street, or introduce yourself to your neighbors and invite them over for a cookout. Acts of kindness make you feel good, and they are contagious. Assist in making the world enjoy a better day please, and it will be returned in love that you can happily cherish for your own well-being.
Activities for a Special Valentine’s Day to Attract Love and Give Love
With all advice above in mind, there are some wonderful activities you can do to draw love into your life that don’t involve wagging a wand or stirring a cauldron. Here is just a small list of ideas to consider:
*Try a random act of kindness. Buy a latte for the person in line behind you at the coffee shop; open the door for someone; tell someone to have a nice day (and mean it) ; while at the pub ask a stranger what song he/she wants to hear when you’re filling the juke box. Have fun with it!
*Try a prepared act of kindness. Sign up to volunteer for a cause that rings true to you.
*Craft together DIY Valentine’s Cards and send them to friends and family. Include a compliment in each.
*Bake a batch of cookies for Valentine’s Day and share them with your co-workers.
*Study the mythology of Freyja, Frigg, Inanna, Ishtar, Aphrodite, Bastet, and Venus, Goddesses associated with love and/or sensuality.
*Scatter birdseed out to the birds in your back yard.
*Adopt a pet.
*If you are single for the evening, pamper yourself with activities that bring you the most pleasure. Read a book on the Law of Attraction, write the qualities you love about yourself in a journal, paint a picture, go to a yoga class, go shopping for a new perfume or cologne, build a blanket fort with your kids, take a warm bath, walk your dog, cook an incredible meal, watch a favorite movie, or call your mother.
*If you are spending the evening with someone special, spend a moment to write a list of intentions for the two of you to share over the next year. What do you want to accomplish together? What do you want to explore together? Where do the two of you see your relationship going? Perhaps it is a great opportunity to try a new restaurant or activity, or revisit a favorite restaurant to reminisce about the wonderful times you’ve shared together.
*If you are crushing on someone, what’s the harm in asking him or her out? You don’t necessarily need to go the Say Anything route of blasting Peter Gabriel for him/her to show you care. How about a comfortable, laid back invitation to an afternoon cup of coffee? Or, invite him or her to join you to a concert, or to come along with a group of friends who are throwing darts at the bar on Friday night. And for goodness sake: compliment, compliment, compliment. They always win and show sweet affection.
*Embrace Valentine’s Day as an opportunity to love love, and not an opportunity to make snarky comments about the greeting card industry. Hug the person who calls Valentine’s Day a “commercial holiday.”
Happy Valentines Day. You are love and you are loved.
As a guiding force for our comfort, healing, inspiration and joy, love is revered at Valentine’s Day. Whether it is love for a romantic partner, plutonic friends or family, Valentine’s Day can be looked at as one of multiple opportunities to express your feelings and appreciation for those you care about in your life. My hope is that you find this time of year as an opportunity to focus your thoughts and dreams on compassionate intentions, heart-felt communication, romantic excitement, blissful compliments, and self-love.
Behrendt, Greg. He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys. Simon and Schuster: New York, 2004.
Location: Nashville, Tennessee
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