Witchvox Article

Author: Daven
Posted: February 19th. 2000
Times Viewed: 5,171

I was looking through The Witches' Voice web site when I came across this topic. And I started thinking....

How has my life changed now that I am out of the Broom Closet? I came out back in 1997, even though I have been following this path since 1993, so I am relatively new to being out, but has my life changed for better or worse? Am I different now that people know me to be Wiccan?

The answer, as strange as it sounds, is a resounding "yes". I am a different person now than I was. How, one may ask? Well, first off, I am living what I believe.

What? Say that again? How are you now living what you believe? Didn't you do that before? No. I was not living the Rede, and the way I know this is by the statement, "An it harm none." I was harming myself, my daughter, my family when I was lying about what I believe.

Yes, I say lying. Because I was. My mother and sisters thought I was simply a fallen Christian, going to come back to the Church any day. And they continued to attempt to save me and my family from hell by preaching to us. Since I was a Mormon previously, they kept pointing out how my wife and daughter needed a Priesthood holder (Mormon style) to lead them to Heaven. Then they would take my daughter to their church so that she would be safe in the arms of Jesus. And this was confusing my daughter to no end. She would be confused as to who to pray to, mixing Lord Herne and Lady Rhiannon with Jesus and God.

It came to a head when our daughter came to us one day (right around Christmas) and told us that she would pray to Jesus when she was not home, but while she was at home, she would pray to the Lord and Lady. It hit me then, the only thing we were teaching her is how to deceive.

The reaction that was the direct outcome from my coming out, was interesting. Many of my friends could not accept it, including most of my family, but one sister and my grandmother saw what I was, asked what I believe, asked questions and thought a while, and accepted it. No judgement, no recriminations, just love and acceptance. For me it was like a wonderful gift of the heart. And still others accepted it with absolutely no comment or reaction.

As for the rest of my family, eventually they came around. It took years of applying a board to their collective heads, but at least the subtle undercutting of my faith has stopped. My father and I don't speak to each other anymore because of this, but that is one price I am willing to pay for the peace of mind I get from the Craft.

As for the rest of the world, no one cares. I'm sure there are frothing-at-the-mouth fundamentalists out there who do, but when I laugh in their face about their curses and anger, it confuses them. Instead of reacting with anger, I react with joy, and it kind of takes the wind out of their sails. But then again, I don't put myself in those kinds of situations any longer.

See, one of the greatest benefits of coming out of the Broom Closet is the fact that I don't have to feel guilty anymore, and I don't have to punish myself either. That used to be a recurring nightmare in my life. When I decided to "Fess-up" I allowed my subconscious to accept the fact that I was Wiccan and not to be shamed by it, so it decided to not seek out situations where I would be punished for being Pagan or Wiccan.

One of my favorite subconscious ploys at the time was to "accidentally" let my pentagram fall out of my shirt, and quickly snatch it up and hide it. This, of course, made things look suspicious to others, and they would ask what that was in my hand. Which would lead to my admitting that I was a Witch. No "I'm Wiccan", no "I'm Pagan and that is our holy symbol" but "I'm a witch". And I could tell from the looks on their faces that either Samantha of Bewitched flew through their heads, or that Movie. You know the one. And I got several times "You really think you are a Witch?" Once I got this same question 5 times in about 6 minutes from one lady I worked with, to the point where I wanted to say, "Yes. Do you really think you are a Christian?" Not a smart move.

As a result of my shame (in my eyes) I even got fired one time. I asked if costumes were going to be worn to work for Halloween, and my manager told me yes. I asked that there be no "witch" costumes since I was one and I would get offended by the degradation of my faith. She told me to get over it. I didn't work there the next week. Since I was a temp, she didn't have to explain why I was being released, but I think I know. But then again, maybe I am wrong.

Coming out was one of the greatest favors I did for myself. I stopped worrying about the appearance of Wicca and simply let myself BE Wiccan, and the respect and trust followed me. Co workers respected my integrity, and when they found out that I am Wiccan, they accepted it like they accepted the fact that I wear glasses. No, I think my glasses were harder for them to accept since I don't wear them that often.

With that honesty to myself, I could be more honest with others. By not lying to myself, I could face all the other things that I knew, intellectually, that I had wrong in my head, and face them down. I was allowing myself to grow further.

Oh, I will admit that there are times that I still get sideways looks from others who don't understand, but mostly they look at me as they would a Muslim. Curious interest, but not screaming fear. But to this and every other rule, there are exceptions.

My father finally laid out an ultimatum, "Worship as I do, or you are not my son." So I called him by his given name and hung up. The same thing was repeated with my wife and her mother. But in both cases, they are old and set in their attitudes. My grandfather had the same reaction as my father, but we did not make an issue of it, we accepted it as being him, and started looking around for another place to live since we were living with him at the time. After a few days of thinking about it, and watching us, he apologized to us both for his knee-jerk reaction.

Now, I have some co-workers asking me about what I believe in the hopes that I can answer her questions about Wicca since her daughter is becoming involved with the study end. I can give her that gift. The access to us and our ways that most people won't have. We are available to others, who have children who are looking into Wicca, they can ask us questions and learn answers, when they might not be so open to their children's teachers or to the explanations of the child themselves. I know they can get a book, but really, a book is no substitute for an experienced Wiccan to answer all the questions that are left unsaid. And to show them that we are normal people, who have loves, joys, fears, anger states, and many other things.

And isn't that something we all can give back to the religion we love?

Daven

ABOUT...

Daven

Location: Nashville, Tennessee

Bio: Daven is a High Priest of the Seax-Wican order, self taught in the traditions and ways of the Craft. He has been on this magickal journey for almost his entire life. He is married with one daughter, working as a Computer Technician, and currently studying Druidism at a cyber-community called Ancient Sites IF asked about his life, his response is "It's not what I thought it would be, but I wouldn't change a line if I had the chance." Come visit his webpages at Daven's Journal

Other Articles: Daven has posted 7 additional articles- View them?

Other Listings: To view ALL of my listings: Click HERE

Email Daven... (No, I have NOT opted to receive Pagan Invites! Please do NOT send me anonymous invites to groups, sales and events.)

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