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How Did I Get Here? (My Pagan Journey)

Author: Moon Spirit Girl
Posted: September 11th. 2016
Times Viewed: 1,424

When I got my calling to travel down the Witches' path, I never thought in my wildest dreams that there would be so much to learn. When I was teen and growing up in Utah I thought that the only path out there was Wicca. As I got older, I found (through the Internet and social networking and by spending a lot of time reading at the library) that there are way many more paths within the Pagan path to choose from.

In my early 20s, I spent most of my time learning about the metaphysical side of magic and the craft. I read as much as I could on stones and chakras and how they work. I always seemed to struggle with meditation and could never seem to find the time to properly do it. It was even harder to find like-minded souls who shared any of my same views and beliefs.

It wasnít until I went to New Orleans for my honeymoon at 31 years that I felt like I even be longed any place as a Witch. I thought for sure that I would never find a connection with who I was other than I knew this was my path, and this was my journey. Itís funny because I grew up in a Mormon household and something that they stressed to me, as a child in church was to never give up on your journey or your beliefs. I am sure however they were not expecting me to leave the church to pursue an education in Witchcraft.

As I was saying about Louisiana... as soon as I stepped off the plane and onto the ground I felt a charge of energy. It was the best feeling and the most positive feeling I had felt in a long time. I mean, I could walk up the streets and get the most amazing vibes off people. Now I am sure there were some negative but the positive out weighed it by three fold at least. My husband even noticed how much happier I was and it wasnít just because I was on a honeymoon either.

We walked all over New Orleans. I insisted I had to take in every bit of it through all my senses plus I wanted to hit as many of the magic shops I could and make as many purchases as I could before I left. There are only a couple of that particular type of store in Utah and they usually donít carry certain specialty items.

I was so wrapped up in learning and reading that it never once crossed my mind to plant my own magical herb garden or to make my own gris gris bags, etc. I went into a store and I looked around at a lot of things that were individually bagged items. You know, the kind of things that a Witch would use to put with other items to create a spell. I donít know why it took almost 15 years for it to dawn on me that the creation part of Witch Craft was what I was missing. It took a trip to New Orleans to point that out.

Now you can always get the one-time pre-made spells to cut down on your work and those are great but, for me, the one thing I was missing was the creative part of the craft. I could make time for ceremonies and rituals until I was blue in the face but until I realized what my intent was, I had not truly lived. Let me rephrase that a bitÖ the intent is always there, no matter whether a spell is pre-made or not however, when you find the time to create your own gris gris bag or doll, etc., there is such a sense of amazing accomplishmentÖ one I do not feel you fully get when you have some one else make it up for you.

I found also that in New Orleans people shared my same beliefs and feelings about magic and Paganism. In Utah, there is a smaller group of believers and a lot of them donít like to come out of the closet, so to speak. Maybe itís because itís hard to tell who really is a believer and who is not unless youíre at a Pagan gathering.

I had my first calling from a deity called Papa Legba, which would be my intro into ancestor magic. I thought at first it was because of all the hype of the city and this new place, but even after my honeymoon I was having dreams of this spirit. When I was a little girl, I use to have this dream about death and he looked just like the Grim Reaper. He had a dark robe on and at first he stood behind me and I was afraid of him.

But as the years went by and the dreams continued, I became less afraid and he stopped standing behind me. He started to stand right next to me. Sometimes I would see other friends in this dream and other times it would just be us. We were always in the dark with a very faint candle lit atmosphere surrounding us. In our circle it was light but outside of it, it was darkness.

I stopped having these dreams for a while and during that period I actually went to a lot of funerals for friends and family. The funerals started to calm down a bit and I still didnít have any more dreams but, now that I was back from my honeymoon, they seemed to start up again This time there was a face to the figure that stood beside me (Papa Legba) . The funerals started up again but this time I didnít feel like it was weird and I wasnít afraid.

I also started to pay more attention to my own community and decided to branch out and reach out. I found Pagan podcasts and started to listen in and learn more and to hear what other Pagans had to say about current events. I found a new amazing store in my area, as close to my area as you can get. I started to get educated about shamanism and learned ways to meditate that would better suit my lifestyle.

I came to learn that my niche is healing and have been learning all about tinctures and teas and various other ways to heal through the earth. I am empathic and, through shamanism, I found a way to control that so I am not going crazy in certain environments and or situations. I learned to choose what I want in my personal space on a daily basis as well.

In conclusion, I have been on an amazing journey of self-discovery, even though it took a very long time and a very magical city to show me that there is a much bigger world out there. If anyone reads this and you live in a not so populated Pagan area, donít get discouraged. Keep on your path. Keep putting in the time and the work. The stars will align and, when itís time, the powers that be always seem to come through.

~Nichole Sorensen




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Location: Ogden, Utah

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