Where Do I Fit In?
Article ID: 11580
Age Group: Adult
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Posted: May 7th. 2007
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I have been empathetic to life for as long as I can remember. There were times when it seemed as if I was more in tune with earth and her cycles than others. Also, there was a time when I thought I was a little bit nuts and kept my visions, voices and feelings and such to myself.
I finally did find (vaguely) a direction in which to go at about 12 or 13 years old. I started practicing a variety of earth-based practices about 7 years ago. I was so excited and I felt as if I had found home, so to speak.
I still consider myself a beginner for a lot of reasons and am confused at times, still. First of all, the more I learn and come to understand, the more I find that I don’t know. I realize more and more that I’ve just begun this journey.
Second, I have no qualifications. I’ve not come up degrees, passed any tests (besides personal ones) or been initiated into anything in particular. I am solitary, there’s the reason for that one.
Next, as a solitary practitioner, I don’t really know what I know. I have nobody except books and online articles to compare myself to. They all seem to know a whole lot though, so I figure I’ve got a ways to go.
Lastly and most important to this piece, is that I’ve begun to see that I don’t fit in anywhere. The more I learn about this segregation, the more solitary I feel.
My path is not fixed in religion so I’m not Wiccan, some would say.
And I’m thoroughly confused as to what a Witch or Witchcraft is now.
My path is not purely scientific, so I can’t be metaphysical.
I know ‘Pagan’ is a separate group that, I think, requires one to be country folk. I live in a city, so I can’t be that.
I’m eclectic something or another.
I do want to belong to something. I want to know that there is somebody out there that I can compare myself to without having to tell my life’s story. I want to be what I am and not have to go through this rigorous sorting. I mean how much can you sort something before it is by itself?
So, needless to say, I am on an eclectically solitary path. I don’t say it in a derogatory manner. I can’t associate with much else. It seems logical to me.
I do agree, however, that there are laws of nature, rules of acceptable conduct and basic truths that must be recognized and follow by everyone. All right, we’re all earthlings. I also believe that we must leave each to his or her own and not judge too harshly those who are different. I believe that there is no one and true way for us all to be.
Why do people claim to be open minded and then say that you’re only following the path if you do this or if you practice that? What do I call my path?
So, I suppose that this is where I become frustrated. This path (for loss of a CORRECT term) is more than beautiful to me. It is my awakening and fine-tuning.
I enjoy diversity. I enjoy learning new and efficient ways to work with magick or what somebody else associates with this feeling or circumstance. I love the plethora of stones, herbs colors and words, etc. which I can use to fulfill my needs. I appreciate variations and substitutions and will sometimes make them a staple. I guess I don’t understand the rigidity of people’s beliefs, sometimes.
When I began to actively pursue this lifestyle, I was enamored by the freedom and lack of dogma I found within. I fell in love with (dare I say it) magick and felt empowered by mastering skills and basically, finding a path I belong on. I found names and explanations for the experiences I’d had.
Also, for a while, I found a group of people who seemed as enthralled with life as I. What more could a person ask for? I found people with whom to share the cycles and patterns of life and celebrate it all. I wasn’t alone, anymore.
As a single parent trying to teach my children something not mainstream, I was excited! I had never been to a group ritual or a gathering and I was having a ball. Though, just like every other place in society, there are “cliques” or groups where you either know that you fit in or you know that you don’t. I wasn’t as daunted by this as I was by the snobby attitude of some of my fellow… pagans.
It seemed that the more experience these people had, the more elite their group. They seemed that they felt they were above some of us. I also began to see that the same few people ran all of the happenings. Even at the “open to the public” meetings, only those people had opinions that were counted.
I was feeling more alone and segregated all the time. It hurt more here because, in my mind, this group of people were supposed to be different. Somebody this close to Earth should follow higher standards and have more tolerant social morals.
I know humanity has flaws. No matter how enlightened you claim to be, you’re human. And yes, there are always those patterns, those laws of nature that are always true. Some things though should not fit that category.
There were behind-the-back rumors, lying, honest-to-goodness meanness, threats with magick and hypocritical behaviors. I felt such discouragement and became confused about my place in this path.
After a while, I decided solitary was definitely for me. The one-upping and power tripping were too much to take. I couldn’t stand the feeling or insinuations of having to be affiliated with certain groups in order to be accepted. Also, and this one really got me, when I asked questions, I was treated like the information was too good to be given away to me.
I do believe that teachers, priests, priestesses, elders and levels are a necessary part of the… practice, just not an all powerful and knowing part. I believe we all should reserve room in ourselves to stay open- minded, to better ourselves and grow toward our evolution.
I also would rather have a friend down here, with me, on the low end of the hierarchical scale to share knowledge with than an elder who’s better than me, any day. I am happy that this practice (for lack of a better word) is becoming popular.
It bothers some people, I’ve noticed, that it seems to have become a fad. Health food has too, but I don’t know anyone saying you have to pick just certain vegetables to eat “healthy”. It is the same general idea to me.
I believe that the whole human race needs to learn to tap into all that the universe has to offer and to learn what we can offer to the universe. Even if they only learn a little, it is a little more than we had before. Anything or any person who helps to heal the Earth and beyond is help where we need it. Even if a grand master or high priest or priestess doesn’t do the healing, it still helps.
If pagans-of-the-week, neo-pagans, traditional witches, brujas, name brand witches, ceremonial magicians or whoever else I didn’t mention, celebrate the cycles of life, then they are still celebrated.
I want to learn from everyone and everything. I believe that my evolution depends on it. I swear it is the reason we’re all different. Also, I’m a mother of children whose job it will be to change the path of humanity. They deserve to be supported and shown good and moral things, diversity and integration. How else can we make it?
My children will need to change a harmful situation into a beneficial situation without bothering with religious subclass or which tradition was followed. In my opinion, we all need to be careful what we do because the next generation is here and learning quicker than we did.
We need to teach love, honesty and honor. Teach not how to segregate, but how to interweave. It is absolutely imperative to our survival, not only to us human folk, but to All.
In closing this opinionated and somewhat redundant writing, I want to clarify a few things. By saying what I said, I have in no way intended to express disagreement with any or all structure, rules or traditions. These things are necessary to life. I also want to say that these words are my opinion and not intended to offend, only to express feelings. As malleable as opinions and feelings can be, I felt these written here important and the issue big enough to share with my kindred not-so-perfectly pagans, Wiccans, magicians and other people.
Copyright: all mine
Location: spokane valley, Washington
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