Spilling the Family Magic Beans
Article ID: 13539
Age Group: Adult
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Author: Eiris Wyndrose
Posted: March 7th. 2010
Times Viewed: 2,316
Greetings from the Land of Moss-
I am on a name search.
I'm on a name search because I am making my own choice about my personal spirituality, and because I was asked what archetypes I identify with on a quiz question in my media class at school.
My father named me Secret but then my mother changed it to Segrid when I was 5. I wanted to keep my birth name, but the numbers do not match my birth day. I was disappointed to discover that the name my mother changed it to, does match. She even changed the spelling from Sigrid to Segrid. That makes me a 3 all round. I doubt it was a conscious effort, however.
There was a Christian/Pagan split in my family, with my poor mother being a double Pisces/Cancer sun, and trying to play it safe as to not be rejected by her family.
It was fall in my 8 or 9th year when a evangelical aunt isolated me in my grandmother's laundry room, telling me I needed to be saved, as I was a sinner. My mother did not stop me, or them.
Once at age 10, while at a Christian bible school summer camp, two churchwomen decided I was possessed by a demon, and that they should pray over me to rid me of it. (My girlfriends stole the batteries from my flashlight and I became angry when the adults did nothing.)
During their "exorcism" I said that I was afraid, so they divined that the spirit of fear possessed me. How God could let a little child be possessed of the devil after she had accepted Jesus to save her was confusing, and I decided that I wasn't good, and would be left behind during the rapture, which according to the church pastor, would be any day now. If I got lost or separated from my mother in public places, I knew that Jesus came back and didn't take me with him.
My terror, tears and hand holding when I finally caught up with her took mom back. Knowing I must not have "done it" right, I kept getting "saved" over, and over...
I will not here go on and on...
But the nutshell, is, it was my Christian grandmother, the woman who lead me to kneel by my little bed, on my little knees, folding my little hands in prayer, who night after night said the Lords Prayer with me until I had it memorized and could recite it out-loud by myself.
It was also my grandmother and my mother's sister, my aunt, who would ultimately shun, abandon, forsake and betray my mother and I because, "Her way is not our way". No wound cuts deeper than of family or friend.
I didn't even know what "her way" or "my way" was. Not at that time. But it was the beginning of my letting go of their God, and of Christian misinformation. And the ending of a life half lived on neither side of the spiritual/mythological coin.
This took a great measure of courage back then, while in a domestic violence shelter - fighting a custody battle for my children - a battle in which my opponent's attorney held a letter denouncing me as a fit mother, and my own mother as a bad influence on her grandchildren. Signed by the lady who taught me The Lord's Prayer.
There was a time in my mid-20's I took a weekend trip with my mother to our favorite ocean spot on the Oregon coast. She got a little drunk during our dinner together and told me that she was really a White Witch. This was news to me. But some missing pieces of my upbringing began to show more clearly.
Clearly, my mother was afraid of her nature in regards to her being shunned by her family. But that came regardless.
So here I am, 46, without a name I like that fits my birthday. And how can I, a Gemini, pick one, or even two archetypes to "identify" with? We are all of them all at once, but some more than others...and I am tuning in my assignment late. Which ones? I am Irene. I am Ares. Is there a force that has balanced both? I'd like to aspire to identify with that quality.
Only now that she is dead, can I talk again to the lady who taught me my first prayer. She only says, "Get up, and stay up. Don't EVER feel sorry for yourself. No self pity. Be responsible. Keep going." And she says nothing, nothing, about Jesus. And no apologies either, which my ego would have really liked.
Also, I am passing on what I have learned on my own, or by default, to my two daughters and two sons if they show interest. Explaining the use of symbol and ritual, and how it was a form of ancient psychology, even today, and the mystery unfolding of why and how it works to reach our sub conscious mind. That if the outer and inner parts of ourselves can agree and work in unison, then we have a chance to lead more fulfilling lives.
That heaven and hell are just a pack of dogs. With great knowledge comes great responsibility. Control yourself; keep your emotions in check. Be careful which dogs you feed, and do not feed if they be named hate, anger, vengeance, control, selfishness, escapism...for they will surely grow and dominate the pack. You need not depend on a religion to practice morality and the Art of the Good. You don't GO anywhere when your body dies, you go EVERYWHERE. Your dogs get to come along, too.
And that a little honey on the burner will sweeten the house. Four leaf clovers really are good luck. The real Santa Claus is real. That you bring what you think. Think well.
So, Here is the prayer I will share with my children. If they show interest in learning it, I will teach them how to find their names.
Our combined male/female energy Source of All,
Who is Everything All At Once,
I recognize and acknowledge the mystery and beauty of
All That Is
I ask my personality to humble itself before You and
Know that by submitting to the part of You that is me,
I will forth wise choices and live a heavenly life in this
Material realm as much as I allow You to flow through me.
I draw to myself all things needful, spiritual and material, as
The Source of All is Within, and I give thanks daily for lovely
Baguettes and beautiful pears - as I practice tolerance and
Non-judgment of others, I too accept those parts of me.
I would rather not go through trials and temptations, but I
Recognize that our growing sometimes requires us to
Experience conflict. I know I am not alone in this, and You
Are the Still Small Voice that guides me.
All the power that ever was, is, and ever will be, is here
with me right now.
Concordia, Salus et Pax
Wishing You Well,
Your friend, Segrid for now.
Segrid has found the way her wind blows as Eiris Wyndrose
Copyright: (c) 2009 Eiris Wyndrose
Location: 98008, Washington
Author's Profile: To learn more about Eiris Wyndrose - Click HERE
Hometown: Land of Moss
Occupation: Film and Video Communications Student
Iron & Wine, Rosie Thomas, The Starlings, Helio Sequence, Danny Godinez Band, D'Angelo, Chris Whitley, STP, 75% of Bjork, Enigma.
Early Heart, Genisis, Michael Franks, Boston, Kansas, Joni, S & G, CSNY, Prog Rock
Throw into the mix - vintage jazz/vox, tradition celtic, madrigal, tech/house, all things inteligent, beautiful, interestingly unique.
National Velvet, I Remember Mama, The Clock, It's a Wonderful Life, Good Morning Miss Dove, How Green Was My Valley, Wiz of Oz, Shirley Temple, Lady for a Day, Green Mansions, Monty Python,
The Juniper Tree, Practical Magic, Ring Trilogy, Bourne Trilogy, Nacho Libre, Liar Liar, all things Austin, Little Women, Anne of Green Gables, Pieces of April, Dan in Real Life, What's Eating Gilbert Grape, Laura Croft, The Gods Must Be Crazy, Bagdad Cafe, Babette's Feast, Jean de Fleurette
I love Eddie Izzard, Russel Brand, Chris Rock, classic SNL
All the Videos on YouTube by Usernamen (watch Watermill Village!)
Wise Child, Juniper, Coleman - by Monica Furlong
My home is a Alexandrian Library with living quarters.......and a place to eat and shower.
Miss Wydrose is Currently working towards a BA in Film and Video Communications with a concentration in Animation/Graphics. (.." don't you just love "Miniscule" by Futurikon?")
She is a mother, writer, composer, chef, gardener, philosopher/seeker, spinner of textiles, artist, humorist, good friend of others, film lover, book lover, mountain climber, seer, lover of children - and animals, with scales, feather or fur -
Currently, she is the steward of a 5th grade boy, his dog - a retriever named Fetch, his azure betta named Mo, his hamster named Violet, but is called Mouse, a kitty, whose name came with her, called Zitti, a wild pair of otters, a peep of chicks, a coven of corvids who come to their fence for a feast, several hummers, a few salimanders, eagles, hawks, and a family of lake bats who love to dive 2" above their heads as they enjoy the evening twilight moony bat swim, three outside kitchen window spiders called Sister, Dropsy, and Peek - and the two babies, Thing 1 & Thing 2.
...and then there's a quail family, who's papa is surely a peacock.
"My favorite witch is still Glenda. I just love her dress, crown and wand, and her motherly wisdom."
"Once this summer, I took the dog for a walk at 12noon, and didn't come back till 11pm that night. We just kept walking until we found ouselves at a Pan shrine. His fountain was neglected, and some vandels had made off with His flute. He was actually a bit lonely, and was glad of the attention. We picked heavily scented wild roses and snowberries and floated them in the shallow pond water. Too shallow to give Him a nice reflection, but enough to float some flowers. Went inside the Austrian Chocolate Store He resides over and picked out a nice, finely wrapped chocolate rose to place at His feet.
I stayed for a bit and gave some song.
Singing something melodic and simple, He asked if I wouldn't mind giving a tune just a bit more randy, so I sang "Underneighth the Apple Tree" by Michael Franks, hoping to put a smile on that statue. Some shy birds came up to arms lenghth, then settled on Pan's knees.
There were fly-bys from dragonflies in love lock. A couple of white moths flitted along playing tag, then those birds began working on another round of eggs. Some chipmunks got into it, knocking down the maple seedlings.
I gave Pan a kiss on his stoney cheek, thanked him and said I'd be back."
Eiris is happy to be on the outside of the broomcloset.
"I have come home. I am finding my people." It's so wonderful here, to perceive this level of reality with all of these senses... now I can truely be of service to Life."
Concordia, Salus et Pax
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