Articles/Essays From Pagans
March 9th. 2014 ...
Healing the Witch Within
Discovering Wicca as a Young Child
March Pisces Energy: Pre-natal Memories and Standing Upright
March 2nd. 2014 ...
Lessons of Ostara: Six Ways to Move Forward
The Wiccan Priest - The Misunderstood Role
Which is Which? Am I a Warlock or a Witch?
The Secret Teaching: Selected Aspects
February 23rd. 2014 ...
Wicca or Traditional Witchcraft: Some Differences
Everything is Not Under Your Control: Making Sense of the Senseless
The Wonders and Gifts of Paganism and Community
What Makes Us What We Are
February 16th. 2014 ...
Death, Grief, and Psychopomp Work in Shamanic Healing
The Stones of Fear: Anxiety Relief
Spiritual Traveler: Form To Essence
Alternative Medicine – What Is It?
February 9th. 2014 ...
Words of Power!
The Allure of Glamour in the Apocolypse
Lunar Insight Planetary Preponderances: Year of the Horse, Imbolc and Mercury Grazings
February 2nd. 2014 ...
The Magick of Jewelry and Metals
Building a Magick Mirror
The Golden Bough: a Study Guide (Part 2)
January 26th. 2014 ...
Love of Self: The Hardest Thing To Do
The Golden Bough as a Seminal Work in the Neo Pagan Movement (Part 1)
13 Keys: The Mercy of Chesed
Lightworking In The Screen Age: Staying Connected
January 19th. 2014 ...
Open Letter to the Goddess
A Southern Girl's Guide to Hospitality
Social Conventions and the Pagan World
January 12th. 2014 ...
Never Once Was There a An Athame Near My Chalice: My Very Sheltered Occultist Upbringing
One Wiccan's Journey Through Depression
January 5th. 2014 ...
Religion vs Practice: Defining Witchcraft in a Modern Age
Traditional Apprenticeships: Training in the Modern Pagan Abbey
2014's Magickal Magnificent Manifestations!
Lunar Insight Moon Musings, Planetary Preponderances: Wise and Wild
December 29th. 2013 ...
My Top Ten Favorite Cauldrons (Part 3)
13 Keys: The Might of Geburah
Beyond The Season of Greed
December 22nd. 2013 ...
My Top Ten Favorite Cauldrons (Part 2)
December 15th. 2013 ...
The Hex Murder of 1928
My Top Ten Favorite Cauldrons (Part 1)
Lady of the Forest Mist (A Story of the Woods)
Lunar Insight Moon Musings: Hunting, Fires and Parting Shots
December 8th. 2013 ...
Help and Thoughts for Pagans New to the Journey
Using Your Wand in Reverse
Leaving a Group - Part 2: Leaving, Healing and Moving Forward
The Cry of the Soul
December 1st. 2013 ...
The Tarot as a Tool for Raising Consciousness
A Pragmatic Look at Neo Paganism
Leaving a Pagan Group – Part 1: To Leave or to Stay?
November 24th. 2013 ...
The Pagan and the Papacy
The Groovy Aquarian Christ: Jesus From a Pagan Perspective
November 17th. 2013 ...
For Love of the God
Which Witch? Philosophical and Psychological Roots of Wicca
A Threat to Religious Liberties?
November 10th. 2013 ...
Where did Aleister Crowley’s Influence on Wicca Go?
Thoughts on the Threefold Law/Law of Return
The Celtic Tree Calendar
Nine Creeds: A Statement and Explanation of My Beliefs
November 3rd. 2013 ...
The Mundane/Spiritual Mirror: What Does it Say About Your Life?
October 27th. 2013 ...
Thoughts On a Miley-Cyrus/ Robin-Thicke Society
On Being Wiccan: Some Unsolicited Advice
Pagan Religious Communities in your Area: Connecting With and Creating Them
Banishing, Invocation and the Lesser Ritual of the Pentagram
October 20th. 2013 ...
Bottle Spells and Magick in Hoodoo Tradition
Weather Magick: Who is Responsible for the Weather?
Broom Closet: In or Out?
On Coven and Claws
October 13th. 2013 ...
Destroying to Create: A Lesson from the Dead
Consume the Scorpion- Scorpion Energy Revisited
October 6th. 2013 ...
UPG and U: A Breakdown and Building Up of Unverified and Unsubstantiated Personal Gnosis
Answering The Call from Spirit
Coping with the Loss of a Familiar
The Five-way Road: A Pagan Pilgrimage, Part 2 (The South)
September 29th. 2013 ...
Six Reasons Why Covens are Here to Stay
Priestessing and Titles: What's the Point?
Truth or Convenience? Questioning Motives for Spiritual Advancement
Speaking Up: The Conflict Between the Spiritualist and Our Human Experience
September 22nd. 2013 ...
Death of a Friendship within the Craft
NOTE: For a complete list of articles related to this chapter... Visit the Main Index FOR this section.
Confessions of a Living Satyr
Article ID: 15293
Age Group: Adult
Days Up: 436
Times Read: 2,165
RSS Views: 9,271
Author: Rev.Roman Delgado
Posted: December 30th. 2012
Times Viewed: 2,165
Tonight I write this in the shadow of death, a death of a personal Aeon. The days of the God that in its moral pedestal leaves the soul barren of pleasure and ecstasy for the sake of death have passed. A new star rises within me; the Great God Pan is seen among the woodlands of my heart and soul, proclaiming a rebirth to ecstasy that comes with joy and panic both.
For many years my life was desolate of hope and devoid of joy. My mother as child was of no comfort of support to me. Her own passions became the vices through which she escaped her own unwillingness to embrace her power. My childhood was a wasteland of violence and pain. I grew up amongst the worst criminals that Latin American streets could provide. In their desperate attempts to claim control through vice and violence, the shadow of The Horned One was seen. But alas it was but a shadow of a dream that they refused to dream, they feared their power a power they knew they could not wield.
As child I knew not innocence, at a very young age my childhood was taken from me. Both by force and abuse, and the need to function in a societal environment that could not foster innocence or joyful play. It was that sadness and anger born of a lost childhood that took me away from my own true self. The primordial child of the Great Mother was never nurtured. Because of that, the child within never became the primordial male that gives life and passion to the world. Yet the seed of passion lay dormant within me for a lifetime.
That seed began to grow slowly. It was kept alive by the spiritual influence of my Grandparents. Powerful practitioners of Brujeria, who knew their power and wielded it masterfully. My Grandfather in particular known to my community as “El Vendo” (The stag) , not only as a tryst to make fun of his sex drive, but as an association with the Horned One, Devil or God mattered not for he was a part of life. My Grandfather became that first true role model of what the true expression of the Divine Masculine was in full realization.
As the years went by, I too searched for the Masculine principle behind all nature. My childhood imaginary friend had a name that made my elders tremble in fear, the name my ancestors gave to chaos itself. A name unspoken by tradition, known only as the Elder God of the north, the embodiment of the wrathful side of nature. Through him, I learned the arts of Magick, Divination and Shamanic Journey. Through him I learned to hate, destroy, to desire and die and be born anew. But still my life was devoid of joy.
As I grew into an adult, my body could no longer withstand the force of such dark Archetype. My spirit lacked balance, and my body reflected that. Illness came forth as a teacher, a catalyst for change. Illness of the mind and soul lead me to the inner sanctum of my true path. A path that much like the mystery schools of ancient shall remained nameless, known only to those who have seen its doors and are willing to walk through them. It was in this place that is no place, but different set of eyes to see the world anew that I met the Gods.
I remember it as if it was just this very moment. My heart beating within my chest as I stood before him, he of the Cloven Hoof whose body is the stars, breath is the air, whose eyes are the sun and bears the horns of that are the moon of Sin. In my hour of initiation, I met The Great God Pan and heard him call my name. His gaze, his breath feed that seed of passion that lay dormant within me. In an instant the child became the man. The primordial Chaos of the north became the passion for the life that is this earth.
In the close to ten years that have gone by, I have heard the Panpipes calling me. I too lost myself to vice for fear of wielding my own power. Yet in the mist of my own self-destruction I heard the voice of Pan: “True indulgence lifts you up; it makes you and your life better. It makes life worth living by its decadence and it makes you stronger by living it”. I had through experience learned to give myself to Love and Pleasure both. I had to learn to live, yet not allow life to live me. The music of the Panpipes is my life, but it is my breath that makes body of that fallen nymph sing.
In these days, I am learning to stop blaming my childhood for my follies. I am learning to be who I want to be, not who my past made me. In doing so I am learning truly wield my power. I am learning to Love, to Lust, to Drink from the cup of Life in true religious ecstasy, knowing that I have seen both the light and the dark.
The Satyr within me is finally free. It roams the woodlands of my heart and mind; just as it dances through this concrete jungle I call my home. You see, I needed to know death and rebirth, to know the fire that destroys, to have that seed of the primordial male within me buried beneath the earth of my body and psyche. For it is in knowing what it was like to be captive that I have found freedom.
People fear the Great God Pan. He is the lord of Panic (Pan-ic) after all. He is the wilderness within all men. But he is a calling that cannot be ignored. Man cannot ignore his wilderness. A mankind cannot refuse to live life. To ignore the call of passion is to give in to death itself. To ignore the possibility of Life, without that possibility there is no Rebirth. If mankind hears not the Panpipes calling, if we ignore the sound of his cloven hoof near us, Mankind is doomed to become a shadow of itself, like the desolate creatures of my childhood, afraid to wield its own power, afraid to live. To ignore the call of the Panpipes is to be Lived by Life instead of Living Life. You see, passion will always find a way to express itself. Without a willful embrace and a way to work and wield it, all that is left is self-destruction.
Tonight, the Panpipes are calling. They sound through the air and the ether for the end of the Aeon of the Dying God is near. What shall come next is an expression of life itself. The God of the new Aeon is the Child of the mother, the child that shall one day grow to be the primordial man. And in the timeless recesses of the minds of mankind shall be forever waiting the Great God Pan, The inner Satyr waiting to be free and teach us once again to Love and Lust, to Sing and Dance and to Live life and not Be Lived by it.
Location: 98198, Washington
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