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Article ID: 14568
Age Group: Adult
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Author: Morigan's Chosen
Posted: June 12th. 2011
Times Viewed: 2,671
While visiting our local 7-11 for my weekly Coke Slurpee I saw posters on the windows promoting the presently playing movie Thor. Noting the names, and likenesses of the Norse Gods and Goddesses emblazoned on the cups, I could not help but wonder how many fledgling Pagans would be emerging from the theaters. I am certain some of them are going to want more information on this revered pantheon than what Marvel Comics can give them.
With passing interest, I took in the graphics of “The Destroyer”, and the visage of “Thor” and I came at last to my beloved Loki. Yes, I said ‘my beloved Loki’. When I say this I am not referring to the actor in the ridiculous superhero suit with the protrusions coming out of his helmet, but rather the Norse god.
For those familiar with the Norse mythologies, you already know of Loki’s tales of tricks, malicious undertakings, and of the murder of Baldr. How, I am sure you are asking, can I feel any sort of affection for a being that wishes for nothing more than the downfall of the gods? It is very simply answered, my Brother and Sister Pagans: Loki saved my life.
I consider May 27th of 2007 to be my birthday; it was this day that, after years of mental anguish and being told there was nothing wrong with me, I was diagnosed as being bi-polar. With this revelation, comes the story I am about to relay to you.
At that particular period of my life, I was working as a pest control technician, or in layman’s terms, an exterminator. One day, while driving to my next stop, Loki “appeared” on my hood. I slammed on the brakes; thankfully no one was behind me, and just looked at him in wonder. Never before in my seventeen years of metaphysical study had I been graced with appearance of a god or goddess. They have blessed me with the talent of seeing auras and other images on the ethereal realm, but they had never shown themselves to me.
Loki sat cross-legged on truck, looking at me with that enigmatic smile of his and with his hands clasped piously as if considering me worthy of his consideration. Then he said, “It’s time” and vanished.
The next week was uneventful on the physical side of life, but I could feel a seismic shift in my metaphysical world. The Norse god of mischief did not make another appearance until I went into one of the local Pagan shops in search of information on how I was supposed to handle this manic force I felt settling over me. When I explained what had happened, the proprietress immediately said, “Get rid of him. I’ll help you with a banishing spell. He’s nothing but trouble.”
I was taken quite aback by this loathing-filled dismissal, and it immediately put me at odds with her. Although he had interacted with me for maybe twenty seconds, I had grown quite attached to “my” god, and was not ready to let him go so quickly. When the storekeeper began listing all of his evils, Loki “appeared” at my side. I felt him watching, and waiting for my decision. The shopkeeper felt his presence, and realized I had little intention of obeying her command that I cast out this devil. She was very polite when she threw me out. Her final warning to me as she was shutting door in my face was that he was going to cause nothing but disaster and heartache in my life.
I should add here that my roller coaster ride with my mental illness was at an all time high. My episodes of depression were become more and more prolific, and I was descending deeper and deeper into the blackness. It all came to a head at 9 a.m. May 27th of 2007. I was at a stop light on my way to another appointment when all I wanted to do was find a rope and hang myself, slit my wrists, or whatever it took to let me die. Once again, Loki appeared, this time in the passenger seat. Very clearly I heard him say, “Go.”
I did not hesitate. I stepped on the gas and pulled right into the middle of bumper-to-bumper rush hour traffic. When my senses returned, I was safely across the intersection, pulled off to the side of the road. Traffic was running at its usual break neck speed, and all was right with the world. Looking round in disbelief the weight of what I had just attempted came crashing down on my shoulders. I had tried to kill myself, and I knew under no uncertain terms that I should not be here right now.
Then remarkably enough, I “heard” Loki say, in what when I look back now was a very bored tone, “Do what you have to do.”
What that to do was check myself into the psych ward as a high suicide risk. Working with the doctors, I was finally able to get the medication I needed to start living a healthy and productive life. Since that fateful day, I have managed to keep and hold a job for going on three years now. No small feat when you consider I was lucky to last over a year at any job previous. The novelist inside of me is alive and my first book is in the final stages of editing.
To be certain, Loki is not a god I actively look to for guidance. When he does make an appearance, I know my nice and orderly world is about to be blown to bits. Once the dust settles however, things are for the most part much better than they were beforehand. Whenever I think of him, and or turn to him with an affectionate smile, he usually greets me with his trademark smirk.
With all of this love I’m exuding, please let me assure you I know he’s a bastard, and have told him so on several occasions. This is generally when my husband and I are enduring another maelstrom of the monetary and or health-related issues that incessantly dog us. During these trying times, the shopkeeper’s words always come to mind: I should banish him. However, in my heart of hearts, I could never do it.
Loki is a part of my life, and although I try to keep a few steps ahead of him, I look over my shoulder to make sure he’s still there. He always is, arrogant smirk and all.
Yes, many of you will think I’m crazy for wanting anything to do with a god as malevolent as the Norse god of mischief. However, were it not for this trickster I can say with certainty, I would not be here today. He chose me for a reason all his own, and with that reasoning, he saved my life. It is because of that, I will always, and proudly call myself Loki’s Lady.
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