Witchvox Article

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Posted: January 7th. 2001
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My name is SilverPanther, and I am an Eclectic Solitary Witch. I have been Wiccan for almost two years. I have been a Witch all my life.

For as long as I can remember, I was always interested in Witchcraft of any sort, even though I did not quite understand it the way I do now. But all my life, it was my main interest, something that I felt truly confident in, even though the world that I grew up in made me lose much of my self esteem. I was never beautiful, or popular, or talented, but Witchcraft was something beyond all that for me, it did not judge people by their talent or beauty. Without it, I don't know how I would have survived.

I was not raised in any particular religion, even though my parents are Christian, but I remember that as a young child, I was very interested in Christianity, despite my fascination with Witchcraft. I never really got into it though, and when I was about six years old, I started reading books that dealt with some form of occult, such as The Wizard of Oz, Lord of the Rings, etc. and a year later, a friend of mine taught me to play a computer game, where the main character was a wizard. The game, of course, involved casting spells and "white" magick, and this fascinated me beyond belief. Unfortunately, except my friend, nobody understood my new obsession, for to them it was all just a game. No matter how hard I tried to convince my family and friends how real this was for me, they would all dismiss it as a product of my active imagination.

I cast my first spell in third grade, and even though I knew, deep down, that I was just playing a game, it was as real for me as anything, and the results were what ultimately proved it. That year, I had an enemy who truly was my nemesis. She would pick on me every day for no apparent reason, and on top of everything I had a very unpleasant teacher who did nothing about it; nothing to make the girl stop. When I found out that I was put in the same fourth grade class with her, it was the end of the world for me. I did not think I could stand another year with the person who made my life not worth living.

So one day, when I went with my parents to their friend's house, I decided I had to do something to banish that girl from my life. While the adults were socializing, I locked myself in a room, and started to meditate. I was very interested in Native American culture at the time, and so I chanted some chants from the Disney movie Pocahontas, praying for my life to improve. I visualized the girl tied up, with a chief speaking words of judgment to her, and then released somewhere, unharmed, far away from me. I ended the ritual by shaking a dried gourd and dancing in a circle.

In the end, I skipped a grade, going straight to fifth grade, where I was much more respected, and had a wonderful teacher. I never had to see the girl again. My parents thought it was because of my scholastic achievement, but I knew that the spell I had cast played a major role in this.

As I was growing up, my interest in Witchcraft was expanding, and when I was thirteen years old, I started watching the show Buffy the Vampire Slayer. The very first episode that I saw was called Gingerbread, and it focused almost entirely on Witchcraft. The thing that made it different from all other shows, books, and games that I have been exposed to in the past, was that here they portrayed Witchcraft quite realistically, as a religion as well as a craft. I knew then that I wanted to learn more about this, for this was the first time I saw Witchcraft as something more than fantasy.

One day, I came upon a small store that I thought was some sort of magick shop. It actually turned out to be a game store, but they did sell Wiccan jewelry and books on the subject. I ended up buying a book called Wicca Craft by Gerina Dunwich, because when I looked through it, it seemed to have a lot of spells. When I started reading it, however, I realized it was so much more than what I used to think it was, and I wanted to learn even more about this unique religion called Wicca.

The next Wicca book I read was Teen Witch by Silver RavenWolf. The simple way it was written was really helpful to me in understanding it, and after some more researching on the Internet, I knew that this religion was for me. I realized that I already believed in many of the things it involved, such as reincarnation, polytheism, and divination. I dedicated myself shortly thereafter, and got my first pentacle on that day. The feeling I had then was like coming home.

On my path, I did make quite a few mistakes. I thought that everything had to be "just so", and exactly like was written in the book. (Upon reading Wicca Craft, I actually thought that the rituals in the book were used by every single Wiccan in the world, and were the only ones that existed!) Since I was so afraid of making a mistake, it took me two hours to write my first ritual/spell, only to discover that I didn't need it after all, because when I started to cast it, I realized that I had gained what I was after. I also thought you had to be deeply religious, and meditate and pray every single day, and I cursed myself for forgetting.

As much as I was open about my interest in the occult when I was a child, I was very closeted when it came to Wicca. I lost the respect of many people because I chose to hide my new religion from them, due to all I have read about discrimination. In time, I started to open up, and realized that people aren't as prejudiced or close minded as I thought. Nobody gave me a hard time about it at school, and if somebody did not understand, I would explain to them what it was all about, and they accepted it. My parents accepted it as well, in fact I never was as closeted from them as I was from other people. Now my broom closet is long gone, and is replaced by confidence and trust.

Wicca was one of the best things that ever happened to me, I just wish I had found it sooner. Maybe then my life before it would not have been as hellish. I know that I was a Witch all my life, also due to the peculiar fact that my real name is actually that of a Russian goddess of spring. This truly was fate, for my parents are still unaware of it.

There are many things I would like to say to those just starting out on their path: Always have courage. Never give up. Stay true to yourself. Follow your dreams. And most of all: remember that you are not alone.

SilverPanther

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Bio: SilverPanther is a high school sophomore, and enjoys singing, acting, and writing (especially poetry). She reads Tarot cards, and hopes to someday become a Broadway performer.

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