Witchvox Article

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Posted: September 21st. 2001
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It is July of 2000, and I am pregnant. My fiancé and I are living in a 3 bedroom apartment with about a thousand other people. I can't even tell most of them about the pregnancy, since I just don't know them that well. I was broke and scared and didn't know where to turn. After heart ache and soul searching, I made an appointment for an abortion. The harsh, toughened sounding woman at the clinic told me to "just ignore the protesters". I had seen them before, holding their signs with horrid pictures of dead fetuses. I had even driven by and demanded they "get their rosaries out of my ovaries". Now I was to walk past them, into that clinic and end my pregnancy.

When I made the appointment, I felt like my baby was a parasite, an invader in my body, draining me, leaving me sick and tired all the time. But the night before I was scheduled to go, I just couldn't stop crying. I kept envisioning the potential child within me, seeing it grow up, seeing it smile. I couldn't go through with it. I didn't even cancel the appointment, I just never showed up. So now what to do? By this point, Eric (my then fiancé, now husband) and I had been unceremoniously been thrown out of our apartment and were living on a friend's floor. We were broke and starving, I had already been to the hospital twice for malnutrition and dehydration and we were in no way ready for a child. After many tears we chose adoption.

We met a wonderful couple who we knew would raise our daughter the way we would if we could. She was born on February 27, 2001, beautiful and perfect. On March 1, we handed her to her adoptive parents, to her better life. I cried for weeks, I still cry and somewhere in me, this will always hurt, but when I get pictures and letters I am just in awe of this perfect little person that came from me.

You're probably asking yourself right now, so is she pro-choice or pro-life? I am pro-choice, but with a few addendums. First there is the ever popular argument of the actual moment that life begins. Many people say "life begins at conception" but I find fault in that statement. We define death as the "irrevocable cessation of brain function". Should we not by right then, define life as the beginning of brain function. Detectable brainwaves are not seen until early in the second trimester. In my mind then a fetus before about 12 weeks is therefore not definable as life, but rather as the potential for life.

Certainly late stage abortions are reprehensible, especially since modern neo-natal care is so good that babies born at 20-25 weeks have betting odds to survive now. At 6 and 7 months pregnant, that is a baby. These abortions are illegal, but are still practiced in cases where carrying to term could endanger the mother. But why can't the baby be delivered by c-section, and put in NICU to be brought to term? Even if the mother doesn't want the baby, the child can be placed for adoption. Which brings me to my second point. As has been seen, I believe in adoption, but that doesn't mean I see it as a blanket solution for everyone. What I sincerely wish for, with all my heart is that young women, facing the situation I had to, could get ALL the info that they need. When you find yourself with an unplanned pregnancy and a bad financial and emotional situation, none of the choices you have are easy ones.

Keep the child : this depends on many factors. Are you emotionally ready? Financially? Will you have the support of your family and the father of the child, or are you going solo? Find out what government programs are out there to help you (there are many such as WIC and Medicaid that can help you while you are pregnant regardless of what you ultimately decide). And keep your chin up. If you really feel in your heart it is the best thing to keep your child, than do it. You'll find a way to cope. Humans are way stronger than we give ourselves credit for, and having someone depend on you can be very empowering.

Abortion : Decide for yourself what you think is right abortion-wise. When do you believe it is right to perform an abortion until? Are you physically ready for the rigors of pregnancy? It is your body and you have the right to choose what to do with it. If you do chose abortion, make sure you find a clinic that makes you feel comfortable, one that isn't judgmental. Also, make sure you get counseling afterwards. It is a difficult decision and many women find that they have issues about it they must work through.

Adoption : All I can say about adoption is that while placing my daughter was the hardest thing I have ever done, I know that for MYself and MY child, it was the right thing. But as with any of the choices, it isn't for everyone. If you do chose adoption, personally choose and meet the adoptive parents (or parent, single parent adoptions are not unheard of). Set out guidelines for continuing contact (do you want visits, or letters and pictures, do you want to be able to send gifts?) Ask for more contact than you think you want now, you may change your mind later. Definitely seek counseling after relinquishment.

What it all comes down to is an issue of choice. This is YOUR baby and YOUR body. Noone should make these very important decisions but you. You should never let yourself be pressured one way or another. What makes this all such a sticky situation is that there is no blanket answer. There isn't one all encompassing right answer. Those who seek to force their opinions on others should remember that the Gods gave us all free will, and what may be right for you, may be absolutely wrong for me.

Isis Macnamara

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Bio: Isis Macnamara is an Eclectic Pagan who lives in South Carolina with her husband and all their pets. She welcomes emails from anyone who is involved in an unplanned pregnancy and needs advice.

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