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 Page: Profile: Poetry   Total Views: 10,228,156  



Poem Specs

VxPoem ID: 36047

Category:
personal_life

Posted: May 10th. 2009 4:53:22 PM

Views: 705

Unconditionally, Mom xoxo

by Eve Spiritsinger

Age Group: Adult



I'm tired of being the moderator, the mediator...
Listening to the whispers of "God I hate her"
The mother hen who takes everyone in
to have my heart ripped apart again...
To hear the song & see the dance...
To have to fix everyone's circumstance
& there you stand & demand of me that I have to be...
the strongest shoulders on which to lean
The one who takes all the burdens on
Will you mourn me, remember me when I'm gone?
The role you seem to think is mine
Is not the soul inside...should I decline, refuse to be
What you seem to see, everytime you look at me.
I was a child in just your shoes...
the pain was more than teenage blues, . was more like black
a heart left scarred from all the things that made growing up hard.
What gives you the right to assume my life should suck....
If I give you an inch you press your luck
& take 2 or 3 feet or a mile or a day....
You always end up having your way...
So nothing gets done, but YOU'VE had YOUR fun
leaving the crap to pile up til it teeters and I break
Your promises seem hollow, your words lean towards fake...
I'm not a dishwasher, a cook, a maid turned slave...
You see me rant cause I'm worn out & hear me rave...
But never do you question if I might be justified...
Its to yourserlf your thoughts lie when I've not complied...
Go ahead & deny it, you're what I gave my life over for...
To be a Mom who is here when you walk in the door....
Did you once ask yourself "Did I ever act wrong?
Maybe I could have just let her feel like her love made me strong....
Or should I just take it and break it and throw it away...
Its only her lifetime, ....why should I have to pay...."
Why should I have to help, have to cook, have to clean
Why should I have to care...she is just being mean. "
Well Maybe I yell, and I swear and I cuss cause it hurts me...
To be lied to and left here you just go & desert me...
On my hands & my knees cleaning up all your mess
all the chores & the work....soaking up all the stress
Taking any road that leads away from me.... Run to your friends with your fears...
Forget all the late nights & girl talks...all the hugs & the tears...
Forget the last dollar spent on the dance or the cab
Forget the favorite food that you just had to have.
Forget the hours helping with homework..or the late nights for deadlines..
for projects & sciencefairs...and library late fines
Forget the care thru flue & cold season & the 1000's of meals
Forget the parties and sleepovers and "don't tell Dad" deals.
Forget the walking to downtown, ..and debit card borrows...
And lets NOT forget all the "I'll do it" tomorrows....
All the air time on your cell phone, all the late nights on the home phone
All the "could you tell them I'm not home", or "just tell them I want to be alone"...
The hours spent on your behalf...having talks with your best friends
Digging open their wounds, So that your heart could mend...
I don't want you to change, ...I just want you to care.
Someday when you call home, I may not be there.
Fate decides for me how much time I'm given.
Do you think having a clean room is about giving in?
I took on the task of raising my kin...
and true I can say "What a ride this has been!"
I may have chosen to be Me 2nd, Mom first,
But its the first time in this lifetime & this isn't rehearsed.
I make mistakes...sometimes many, ...but my heart leads me through...
When my head has to question what the Hell do I do?
And all I can say...is the mothering skills I hone...
Are based on life's lessons taught to me by own.
There were times I claimed Hate was the reward she had won..
For the pain of growing up neither oldest nor son...
All the years I seemed different & stood out from the crowd...
Wondering what I could do to make my parents proud.
Tormented & tortured, teased and abused...
Unexcepted, misdirected feeling dazed and confused.
I rarely spoke to my Mom, ...thinking she & my sister were closer...
She was all my Mom needed, the greatest daughter she'd hoped for.
How was I to know...I never asked, how my Mom felt inside...
how could I have known, that her heart swelled with pride..
For the daughter who saw life as a thing to be treasured...
That all things living had beauty. They were not to be measured..
By their looks or their wealth or their brains or their brawn
With the love that's between us there are no lines to be drawn.
The only true issue here that we need to discuss
Is respect for the lessons that life hands over to us...the mother's devotion
As We teach our daughters by the best means we know, ...
And hope that the love given is a seed that will grow.
I am no one....unremarkable, nothing time will remember....
In the fires of creation I am merely an ember...
But in you.....I see that ember spark into flame...
Understand who I am..Mother is my soul claim to fame....
The woman who most loves you. No matter what you might do...
And somewhere inside there's part of me within you.
When you think I don't get it...or I don't understand...
That's when I most get it and will reach for your hand...
If you slap it away or you turn fast on your heel...
To me it means inside you, is crying out to reveal,
there is something that's hurting and words don't come so well
You can trust me with your secrets, ..there's not a soul I would tell
Unless you asked me to be your voice when your own isn't strong
This is a road in my life that I've travelled so long.
Felt the flutter within me, heard your heartbeat before any other
You offered me hope renewed after loss of three others....
That I'd been given one more chance to reclaim motherhood.
You gave new life to old life & I now understood...
What I had to be willing to give over to trust...
Of Divine intervention, through my love not my lust....to become more
I had to give more, not question, not take...
Separation from the past...was an oath I would make,
but always in my heart I believed as I still do...
that what I give of myself is the best part to you.
I know that I can't afford to give you all the things you desire.
Tho I try hard to supply you with the things you require...
What I can give you with endless supply is a love like no other...
That which is sacred between daughter & mother.
I can't promise not to disappoint you with the choices I make..
But to cherish you, protect you with the steps that you take, ...
Live your own life. Walk your own path. To your own heart be true..
But always know in your own heart....I am always here ...loving you.
I dedicate this to my daughters. Through your growing pains, your fears, your worries, your uncertainties & your mistakes....
I love you, wholly & completely, without condition
...and you still have to clean your room.
Unconditionally, Mom. xoxo




Author's Notes: Dedicated to my daughters, and all the mother's and daughter's the world over. Tua Atu (I Adore You) ~ Eve of Isis~


Author's Location: Kentville, Nova Scotia
More Poems: Eve Spiritsinger has posted 15 additional poems- View them?
Author's Profile: To learn more about Eve Spiritsinger - Click HERE
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