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 Page: Profile: Poetry   Total Views: 10,240,879  



Poem Specs

VxPoem ID: 22554

Category:
personal_life

Posted: June 23rd. 2006 8:40:47 AM

Views: 944

Relief spreads from inside out

by Widdershins

Age Group: Adult



Relief spreads from inside out
Spiraling slowly around and around and around…
I’m crying for the relief is too heavy
Too soon, too sudden
And at once I’m free to weep…
Free to feel pain and let it come out
Oh, my… I didn’t know…
Damn you for causing me that!
I hated it, I really did…
And I didn’t let it out, I didn’t…
Here it was, locked inside…
I forgive you…
Relief spreads from inside out
Spiraling slowly around and around and around…
I’m crying for the relief is too heavy
Too soon, too sudden
And at once I’m free to weep…
Freedom still holds on tight
Unleashing the tightly bound hurts
Damn it, why did you make me that way?!
Why did I have to feel that you were right…
You weren’t, it hurt
I was right when I said I wasn’t ready
I’m sorry… you didn’t see
I was right, why didn’t you listen to me?
Did you think that push and shove was all I understood?
The shouting, the eyes, the yelling, the shouting, your eyes
And beside you the silence, the disagreement
I was the one who was right, and now I am
Relief spreads from inside out
Spiraling slowly around and around and around…
I’m crying for the relief is too heavy
Too soon, too sudden
And at once I’m free to weep…
Free to pull my boundaries
I have heard and seen enough
If this means war between me and you, then let it be so
Because I won’t bend anymore!
You wanted me to be humble, to crumble before you
And dammit, I obliged…
You wanted my respect, yet when I gave it you rejected it
You were impossible to please…
And now, I have to work to get out of this
I’m not a pillow anymore
Soft and vulnerable that you can pound and yell into
Yes, you bruised me emotionally
This is not the way to enlightenment!
This is not the way to being strong!
I am strong now… but it is despite you…
Relief spreads from inside out
Spiraling slowly around and around and around…
I’m crying for the relief is too heavy
Too soon, too sudden
And at once I’m free to weep…
And what about my lost love…
I loved so many, and I couldn’t say
No friend of mine knew that they were my saviors
None of them knew really how much it meant to me
Not one of you can ever imagine what you wielded within me
If it weren’t for all of you…
My life… my life… my life is defined
Encircled, outlined with pain
Relief spreads from inside out
Spiraling slowly around and around and around…
I’m crying for the relief is too heavy
Too soon, too sudden
And at once I’m free to weep…
I’m free to weep, to tell, to dream
I still dream, yes I do!
Now my dreams are different…
I don’t dream about that which I passed off to hurt
I don’t dream of what could be with the 30 dreams
I don’t dream of impossible distance between someone so close
I don’t dare speak
I don’t dare move
Because my insecure heart has locked my lips
Frozen my movement
Waiting for a warmth to spread and ease this state
When will time be on my side?
When will this hammering stop, cease
When will my head stop its sore aching
The shaking of my hand, the weakness in my knee
Why do I fall down so often to let my emotions push out
And let them soak my clothes in my tears
Why do I let my thoughts take the reigns and lead me astray
Making me forget the world around me
The place I have to be in now…
When will I finally have my honor and respect
When will those around me notice that their knives have found their target
When will the time come to love and not weep
When can I let go…
How long must I wait…
Waiting… waiting… is all I seem to do…
What am I waiting for…?
Do you know?
I don’t…
Relief spreads from inside out
Spiraling slowly around and around and around…
I’m crying for the relief is too heavy
Too soon, too sudden
And at once I’m free to weep…
I weep…

May 7, 2005




Author's Location: Szeged, Hungary
More Poems: Widdershins has posted 234 additional poems- View them?
Author's Profile: To learn more about Widdershins - Click HERE
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