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 Page: Profile: Poetry   Total Views: 10,242,424  



Poem Specs

VxPoem ID: 22593

Category:
personal_life

Posted: June 23rd. 2006 10:17:29 AM

Views: 993

A New Past…

by Widdershins

Age Group: Adult



There’s a fighting between the now and then
Where it feels pleasant to gaze upon something lost
And yet you feel you need to gaze upon what is
Why is it all trapped in an orb of glass
Encircled in silence that lasts for years
Not noticing until the now slips into the past
And you think, you could have noticed
You still had time
And yet then you could not break away
From what you left behind…
When all that made no impression upon you
Is suddenly lost and you feel its presence gone
You look back and race to get it back
While keeping up with the passage of time
When you are split two ways
One half searching what’s lost
Wading through memories you didn’t remember you had
The other trying to concentrate on pushing ahead
Creating a wake of new memories
A new past…
And yet you search on in the old past
The times long gone
You’re not even sure if you’re not the only one who remembers
You don’t know if others feel your detached presence
Who is this, this restless spirit?
Trapped here in memories that she left behind?
Memories not acknowledged or not sought
Or perhaps just waiting to be found…
She has a new past…
And yet her old past haunts the new
Ever looming over it like a translucent shadow
The new past will always be the new past
And could never replace the old
And even as a new past is created
The then new
Takes the place of the very old
And the very old merely continues
In an odd limbo of being remembered and being forgotten
A place that is reserved for the “to ponder upon”
A place that is checked
Like a letter box
What news is there from behind?
Who’s memory is filing for remembrance, standing in a memory line?
Who shall it be that she remembers needs attention
Did she make it up
Where these memories her invention?
If so they must be properly placed into the space for dreams
And yet it looks so real to the touch, so real it seems
Perhaps if another place came to mind
You might realize that this place is still there
And it is foolish to dwell upon your future
If it distracts you so
And you know that what was will be
The return to new memory…
A new past will become a new future
The recently imprinted might be repeated
By then the new is old
The people are listed
The places jotted down
The memory of maps and addresses filed away
Respectfully gathered to see another day
Where old glories are meant to be seen once more
A time to learn and to explore
A simple field trip to see and memorize
A purpose to create and shape something to be seen behind your eyes
Fulfillment and then a way ahead
A passage that is yet to be walked
The new past becomes a “one more time”
If you lack courage then remind yourself thus:
Do what you need to do, but only if you must
The past is not there to be placed in front of you
It is to be completed and stored away
If you ever need to remember
Just remember, but don’t jump in
Familiar territory is not a retreat
It is a place that you had to get to know
And it is a place to be put away…
Take me back
And I’ll show you what means so much to me
Take me there and you shall see
What has shaped me…
Let the restlessness return to silence
Let the silence of memories return
Let the voices fade away
Let them only come if they are called
And lend me the strength to only call them ahead
If I need something to lean on
A feeling I passed away
I was asked whether I had died
And I realized that being there is not something that can replace being here
Because now I am here
And being neither here nor there only confuses me
And it confuses you even more
Standing in a doorway that leads to my mind
Not daring to step further as you see the upheaval
The cleaning
The strangest type of cleaning
Standing in the doorway
And a glimpse of why I am never here
What hurts me now is something that is from then
A loss of a lack
A lack of a fulfillment
An opportunity that should have been taken and was ignored
Now only a memory locked away, waiting to be explored…
And shall I put up these conditions
A code of law if you want something from me
You have to see my past first
And then I’ll accept
Shall it be thus:
If you want to know me
Know my past
Know about me
That this is what made me what I am now
That if you know what happened to me then
Then you will know me now…
Why is it that the definition of now is then?
Take a deep breath and imagine yourself
This is the journey
Take yourself into the state of mind
Do you remember what is there?
Take a deep breath
And come with me
Follow the light that I carry back
And enter the realm of what is waiting to be sorted through
Ever thought that maybe what is happening to you now
Is because of what was then?
Have you ever wondered if
What hurts you now is telling you something?
Are you like me
Or are you new to the domain of new past…
Have you been here before
Or have you shut this all away
Does it mean something to you
Or is it a place you avoid
Is it sealed, completed, let go
Is it a proper memory
Or has it become a splinter in your mind
Are you torn
Or are you whole?
Take a deep breath and follow the light back
If you’ve discovered what you came to find
Bring it with you, or keep it in mind
Follow the light back
Watch it turn from transparent to a solid globe of light
See it return to its place of origin
And when you have arrived…
Put the light out that helped you to find your way
Rest in peace for a moment
Let the minutes of the day slip behind
Into a new past
Feel your new completion and rest assured
That now you can face the now
Without the past going wild because it was ignored
Let your past comfort you, but don’t let it invade
Let the memories roll
When you wish them to
Let the memories become real memories
Let them stay in the pictures
Don’t let them hurt you anymore…
A journey
Of the new past…
A journey of discovery
A place you thought you knew
And you found you did not know at all
A journey of Seeing what was
And finding a reason for what is
Seeing why what is now is so strong
It roots in your roots
It feeds on what you feel
About the past…
Let the roots unwind
Let them be based
A journey
I needed
And took
Tried to clean out
What made the now become so chaotic
When I realized that the definition of now
Is then…
In your new past…

Mar. 19, 2005




Author's Notes: Oddly enough, it's ironic that I post this particular poem after having posted all of... that... it was written last year, and yet I could apply it still to the now. :D


Author's Location: Szeged, Hungary
More Poems: Widdershins has posted 234 additional poems- View them?
Author's Profile: To learn more about Widdershins - Click HERE
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