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 Page: Profile: Poetry   Total Views: 10,223,502  



Poem Specs

VxPoem ID: 25101

Category:
personal_life

Posted: October 22nd. 2006 7:30:26 PM

Views: 928

Have I come of age?

by Widdershins

Age Group: Adult



All of a sudden, tentatively…
I reach out to see who’s by me…
the darkness I’m used to, its familiar
and… strangely so close
to a feeling I’d thought lost…
wonderful to feel it, my old friend, yet—
I have the feeling that something
was here, that’s now missing…

I remember feeling cut off
from the Source, from feeling
my energies, powers, abilities… I was alone
as I am now, only… I feel it all…
what am I capable of? am I dreaming…
there’s some sort of pain, a soreness
that envelopes me as I step onto this scene…
old and from the past, but… it should not be here…
was this the place where my brother had been?
I’d been so used to just
reaching out there in my mind, and finding
comfort and support, and
now I’m on my own…

You know, it’s an odd thing, loss…
it makes my mind whirl in bitter depths,
words flicking across me, almost in a caress…
the indescribable, urging me to try
and set pen to its shapeless void, to form
it in a world beyond the physical and imagination
a mere… odd combination and presentation…
what are you, loss? you are my unreal…
when I chase shadows and clouds,
when the wind touches me, whispers
without gifting me with understanding of its moan…
first you’d taken cruelly, now gently…
and I feel the same for both, I feel you
my only companion in these voids – it’s all
your domain… where is my Warder, gone?
where is my brother, lost forevermore? where
is there place for building… and how
can I let anyone build…

See here, the flickers of mist, the bloodied carpet
the unreal’s funeral, last blood… tears of my heart,
that’s what the scarlet stains have become…
to ripping out my love of someone, had transformed
to the graying, but still breathing existence
blessed with my soul family… but now… gone…

Has the time come for me to step on alone?
have I come of age?
when… shall my sorrow cease to be my cage…

This black space—
was it to be so, were my missing parts
replaced? was your departure
ensuring that my past, longed for
be reinstalled… a second chance? and this
simulation, was that to be a gift or
had it come on its own…
had my world come back to life because
of a loss different than the unreal…
my streets, my home, the shadows
to which attached have I grown—
there, the trees I used to sit by, to read,
the smoky and old fashioned streets of imagination…
that had been stolen, to make space
for the forgotten realm, for the unreal’s legacy…
…now suddenly cleared, freed for me…

I listen to my echoes
bouncing off walls I once loved
and I wonder, fascinated…
where had all of this gone?
how had it returned? like a lost treasure
presented to me…
welcome home to my true, original reality…

October 23, 2006




Author's Notes: My brother, as I realized, has left me with a great gift: the void in me, trying to be filled by two people, my Warder and my love, had still been on an endless quest to find the end, but my brother had been on the edge... and marked it clearly for me, so I may pack it up and put it away in the little box, where it belongs...

Thank you, brother!


Author's Location: Szeged, Hungary
More Poems: Widdershins has posted 234 additional poems- View them?
Author's Profile: To learn more about Widdershins - Click HERE
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