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 Page: Profile: Poetry   Total Views: 10,206,219  



Poem Specs

VxPoem ID: 25106

Category:
personal_life

Posted: October 23rd. 2006 9:29:05 AM

Views: 953

The starpool and the lurch

by Widdershins

Age Group: Adult



Suddenly… oh suddenly back…
just scrolling and with a lurch I’m there,
and so wonderful! Let’s change it…
perhaps it’s good that its not that easy,
but still… why? it could be so easily done…

And why, in the new found edge
would I wish to fill, when I can send
it all back into tiny matter… a small,
little box for it all, I’m sorry…
I’ve failed to make you reality,
my sweet little dream.

I remember so clearly what spun you—
long walks, with occasional stops, in the dark…
never to be? how glad I’ve become
to not have to kill you out of existence,
for you manifest elsewhere…
you weren’t made quite for this, but it’ll do
just shine like you were meant to…

With each lurch I’m send backwards, no longer
at such a new stage, going on, pressing
to escape, now I’m before it all began
my memories – the void cleared…
but what of the memories, that now seemingly
still lay ahead of me? I must reverse
my direction, turn around, see what has not yet come…

Have I really lost all of those who’d been
so near to me, and yet… never have? I remember
the long sleepless nights of staying
down there, alone in the dark and cold,
fixed to being there as a presence, and reveling
in the presence before me, speaking…
speaking, as I’d not done before, not with any part
of the echoing void…

Let me be, remind me not of when
in the past I’d known what joy was, remind me not
of how it had all been my sole concentration,
my reason for existence… remind me not
of enigmatic nights, alone
praying to find what I thought I had…
of how I’d been wrong, how bitter I’d become
of how much I still have before me
to heal, to grow…
remind me not of how much I need to forgive,
and never tell me to forget…
for in my heart, this is what has made me
who I’ve become… remind me
only of how far I’d come, since being
at the darkest points, the darkest nights
lonely despite it all, for the loss
of who I was, the loss of sense, direction
and suddenly… given back to me…
but the bitterness remains… unchanged.

Little starpool, what do you seek? A lurch
to show you anxiety’s peak, the point
where I could have made a difference…
could have changed what fate had neatly
and thoughtlessly arranged…
or do you seek a time twist farther back
before I knew what it was that I’d lacked,
the time of dreaming carelessly into the night
weaving magicks and reaching
for the mountains… for finding myself
out there…

Do you seek the solace of being hunter
psychologically the hunted, do you wish to
examine like a laboratory animal, what
begot the crime of passion, or is it
the medium you wish to study, little starpool,
which part of me do you seek? No lurch
shall grant you answer, riddle or rhyme
because it’s all the web of my compressed self…
it’s all in my head and heart, mere pages,
nothing more… pages written or scratched,
mere echoes and haunts stepping forth
what can you possibly find there? Nothing
but what you already know… bring not to me
what has passed
remind me not
of all that couldn’t last through the storm
show me only
all I’ve become…

October 23, 2006




Author's Notes: This is not to say I'm unhappy now. Actually, I feel I'm healing... ^^ I do feel happy, er, when I'm not alone. >_


Author's Location: Szeged, Hungary
More Poems: Widdershins has posted 234 additional poems- View them?
Author's Profile: To learn more about Widdershins - Click HERE
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