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 Page: Profile: Poetry   Total Views: 10,218,962  

Poem Specs

VxPoem ID: 25912


Posted: December 5th. 2006 12:56:34 PM

Views: 1049

Terrified of Santa

by Widdershins

Age Group: Adult

Oh, how I laughed to watch
as out came Mr. Santa Claus
how I’d wondered, what
I’m doing here at all
but more than just standing around
and paying attention
to little sister’s woes
had I remembered a time
when I was terrified of Santa Claus…
what a strange memory!
How I remember dancing, too
and how I understood why the boys’
hands slipped in mine
for terror of being in contact
with a girl…
Yes, they’d asked me too
whether I was brave
whether I’d go out and sing
in front of everyone…
and no, this I had not done…
I remember the secret desire
to prove myself
worth more
but I’d always felt so scared…
and how I feared
when Santa neared me,
and asked me the terrible question
of whether I’d been good, or not…
had I? insecurity plagued me
didn’t Santa already know?!
Oh, no… here he comes
so big, red, intimidatingly so
what was I supposed to say?
Didn’t he already know…

Even now, so many years later
I felt a clench as he approached
I know it is silly, but
I wish he’d just go
don’t come nearer, because
I don’t know what to say
and I’m too big for a present,
just go away!

Mr. Santa, I’m pagan, you know
so I’m not on your list, right?
Just so you know…
and though I know so much more
of what’s truly behind your beard
I’d still not like to find out my goodness,
it would be just too weird
see, I’m of a different tradition
I always was…
but what if he speaks to me anyway?
Oh, my Lady, Lord!

But mercifully
indeed I am big enough
so I chided myself for this childish feel
as right past me walked
Mr. Santa Claus…

December 5, 2006

Author's Notes: XDDDDD I took my little sister up to see "Santa". I'm kind of sick, so I was feeling pretty dizzy after standing around for so long, taking pictures, so on, and as I watched the show go on, I kept noticing these little details in the kids on the stage, and I got totally immersed in memories of when I'd performed, too, in second and third grade, and I was deeply thankful that I'm not there anymore. I was always a pretty shy and withdrawn kid, so existence was altogether a terrifying experience at some points, especially meeting "Santa". Only thing I couldn't figure out, was why the hell Santa always looked different, never remembered my name, and never knew whether I'd been good or not. XD So some of the mystery was spoiled for me, especially since he spoke two languages after a while =P (moving back and forth between the continents, etc.) . While the show was going on, and I was beginning to feel irritated that my stepmum wasn't arriving for my sister yet, which meant that I was stuck there in the crowd, feeling dizzy, all of a sudden Santa appeared (actually, there were two... *sigh* things like this can only happen in a town such as mine...) , and there was a point when he went out (I was standing by the door) to go home (by car!!! What a spoiler) , and, still musing about my childhood, I suddenly felt a familiar feeling of "oh, no. Santa's going to discover that I'm standing here" -- which was of course, completely ridiculous. But I had previously experienced that the current Santa wanted me to go sit on his lap, not just my then-two-year-old sister, which not only confused me, it made me feel extremely awkward. (I kept having paranoid thoughts that he might think I'm pretty or something XD)
So, naturally... I had to write about it... XD

Author's Location: Szeged, Hungary
More Poems: Widdershins has posted 234 additional poems- View them?
Author's Profile: To learn more about Widdershins - Click HERE
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