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Page: Profile: Poetry
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Poem Specs
VxPoem ID: 27270
Category:
humor
Posted: March 6th. 2007 7:05:53 AM
Views: 574 |
The Nightmare of Christmas
by Autumn Rayne
Age Group: Adult
Twas the night before christmas, and all were a'buzz
The elves were all busy, and making a fuss
But something was missing, and no-one knew what?
It was the man of the hour, that no-one could spot!
The elves wandered over to old Claus' grotto
And there found St. Nick, entirely blotto
"We've got to sober him up double quick,
Or it'll be on our heads, and we'll catch the stick!"
They tried lots of water, they tried lots of coffee
They even tried cookies and sweet sticky toffee
"I have an idea!" Cried one of the elves
And took an old bottle from one of the shelves
He poured into the bottle a horrific smelling brew
And with a sniff and a scream, up St. Nick flew
He staggered around flapping his hands by his face
Crashing into things with complete lack of grace
"Good heavens dear boy, what on Earth's name was that?
Why that stuff smells worse than a steaming cow pat!"
"It was to sober you up, it wasn't our fault,
Its my Granny's brew, she calls it 'smelling salt' "
Suddenly a spark of sense emerged in Santa's eye
As if he'd figured how to snatch a freshly baked pie
"I think we have a way to make children behave,
And think of the money on charcoal we'll save!"
And so began Santa's grand 'No nonsense policy'
For the bad, a little brown bottle is all there will be
Where upon curious inspection, they'll get such a fright
And know that for next year, they'd better do right!
Thus is the story, of a creation so foul
To which even the toughest have given a howl
And how Jolly St. Nick was found to be guilty
Of unprecedented amounts of child cruelty.
Author's Notes: I wrote this just before christmas, 2006, when i was lying in bed unable to sleep. It just kinda started running through my head so i decided to write it down as i went :)
Author's Location: Luton, England
More Poems: Autumn Rayne has posted 7 additional poems- View them?
Author's Profile: To learn more about Autumn Rayne - Click HERE
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