Page: Profile: Poetry
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VxPoem ID: 19534
Posted: January 25th. 2006 7:32:20 PM
Age Group: Adult
I woke up with the feeling
As if the world had blown apart
And everyone had fallen away with it
Leaving me as alone as I ever was
In that one moment I knew…
Everything I thought was truth was a lie
Everything I thought was love was suffering
Everything I thought was anger was fear
And everything I thought was fear was nothing
Nothing more than I am…
Now I move through the pain
A thick and tangible quicksand
My spirit is trapped in this mire
And I’m suffocating trying to retrieve it
Alone, and trapped, and lost…
Too far gone to retreat
Yet not far enough for redemption
Tears thin out the quicksand just enough
To pick one foot up and move forward
And take one more step…
Darkness has come creeping now
Desperation lurking in the shadows
In dreams of all that has come to pass
And visions of what is yet to come
Just close my eyes, and take a deep breath…
There is nothing left to lose
So I must trust the direction I’m going
Keeping one step ahead of the darkness
Until it overtakes me and I must surrender
Surrender: a foreign and offensive word to my sensibilities…
My wall is not going down without a fight
Kicking and screaming the whole way
No white flag in my subconscious mind
Rebel, revolt, renounce, and resist
But I’m just so damned tired…
Tired, and confused, and scared
Is there an end to this swamp?
The quicksand is getting deeper
My head barely above the surface
Is that voices I hear?
My children are calling for me
It sounds like they’re just below the surface
Did I lead them here to endure this?
Did they follow me into this swamp?
There is no choice to make…
I let myself sink
The quicksand covering my mouth
Then my nose, my eyes, my forehead
And all there is, is darkness…
And the sensation of falling a great distance
And I am amazed at what can be endured
But not lived through, not felt, not realized
Made so only by the wish to survive that moment
It is then that I see a light…
There is a chance for rebirth
A reawakening of the self-proclaimed dead
A reconnection to our own spirit
A rejoining with the living
A chance to live, if at first you surrender…
January 25, 2006
Author's Location: Land O' Lakes, Florida
More Poems: Shawnee has posted 49 additional poems- View them?
Author's Profile: To learn more about Shawnee - Click HERE
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