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 Page: Profile: Poetry   Total Views: 14,920,832  

Poem Specs

VxPoem ID: 31120


Posted: November 21st. 2007 6:02:49 PM

Views: 1288

And The Meaning Is...

by SilverAngelFire

Age Group: Adult

And The Meaning Is...

The meaning of our dreams at times escape us
But they are there none the less
Waiting to be found
Distorting themselves through a thousand translations

I went home for something and I wound up at his house
How did I get there, I'm not sure I know
Still, there I stood with my high school boyfriend
Mouse was his name, not his real name of course
No one ever called him by his real name
He was by far the cutest rocker boy in our school
He had this long soft curly brown hair with these natural reddish pink highlights
I don't think he ever wore anything but a tshirt, jeans, timerlands and of course his leather jacket
He was beautiful and all the girls wanted him and hated me
Because I was the lucky one, which was not always a blessing
I spent two of the three days home visiting with him
Doing nothing extraordinary except for reminiscing
He looked the same as he did when we were kids
My son was there and he gave him a record player
My son thought how cool I can play my cd's
I just laughed, you can't play your cd's on that
I remember we went to this store and Mouse had a badge
Not a police badge, more like a badge you would have for work
Electronic it was and it kept track of every place you went
We got thrown out because we wandered too much around the store talking

I remember we sat on a dock outside his apartment so that we could smoke
There was this beautiful waterway, and we talked some about his Mom
I remember the night sky being so serene
He started making comments about how kids are too young to understand the relationships they get themselves into
And how they should wait and not let the physical get the better of them
I just shook my head and told him not to be so high and mighty
We may have waited until we were seventeen but it was not by choice and did not negate the two years prior we spent trying
I remember a store or restaurant being on the first floor of his apartment
I took an ashtray because I thought it was his and thought oops, well just put it back next time you go downstairs
I remember watching TV and thinking, you see, like I always say most of us return to what we know most
People we grew up with know us better than anyone and sometimes its what we need at that moment and where we feel safest
And regardless of any bad or poor decisions that may have passed between us, above all we were friends and always will be
I remember just before I left, I touched his leg and he had a lump under his skin
I thought, you've had this since you were younger, why is it still there
He said something I didn't understand, and I repeated but it's still there
He got angry and did not want to talk about it
I left knowing on the third day I would return to say good bye
But I didn't get the chance

The pictures on me flipped and I was on my way to work
Vivian, the woman I eat lunch with was driving
There was a blue and white helicopter than nearly missed a white and silvery sort of small jet just over our car
I thought oh my god as I looked up at the sky
The woman in the car next to me saw it too
When I looked behind us, the copter went belly up and crashed
I saw the flames and the car tumbling towards us
I felt the impact, that sudden jolt
We were fine I thought, but Vivian kept driving and I said you can't just leave, there was an accident, you have to go back
Then I felt the pain in my right arm, this wretched stinging pain
When I looked down my arm had been cut the whole length of my inner forearm
It was not a wide cut but deep, very straight and deep, almost surgical
It hurt so bad but there was very little blood
I moved the skin around and could see the inside, the white of muscle and such, but no blood
All I could think at first was, I didn't go back like I was sure I would
I didn't get to say thank you, or tell him how to find me or even just hold him and tell him everything would be ok
I just left him standing there without meaning to
I wanted to get back, I did, but I was so scared, and the pain was so bad, I just wanted it to stop

Then as quickly as the images had come, they were gone


Author's Notes: I awoke to the same sadness and conflict I felt in the final moments of a dream I had while napping today. I have come to accept my dreams rarely mean nothing and it's really bothering me, so I was hoping that writing this would help me figure out its the meaning.

I apologize for my babbling!

Author's Location: North Lauderdale, Florida
More Poems: SilverAngelFire has posted 486 additional poems- View them?
Author's Profile: To learn more about SilverAngelFire - Click HERE
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