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 Page: Profile: Poetry   Total Views: 10,820,872  



Poem Specs

VxPoem ID: 32535

Category:
personal_life

Posted: April 1st. 2008 7:36:10 PM

Views: 628

Rantings of an Insane Person

by SilverAngelFire

Age Group: Adult



Rantings of an Insane Person

Why are things never just because
Does there always have to be a reason
Of course there does
I guess I should know that by now
Like when you start writing things about self-deception
Or the all knowing universe
Donít you think that there should be some sort of fair warning
Like, ďhelllooooo, this is the universe speaking
This is not a line in your poem Noel, this is happening now
No really, pay attention, itís comingĒ
Itís never that easy is it
Not when youíre seeing for yourself
Especially when youíre trying not to see

Take for instance someone who goes completely out of their way
I mean, 100% out of their way to be completely oblivious to what someone else is doing
You donít see or hear or know anything, just blind
Kind of like you cut yourself off just to try and make things better for everyone
Then one day for no apparent reason, you begin again
You write or sing or whatever it is you do
So you think, this is great Iím getting to be me again
But at the same time you start to sense you have just been thrown head first onto an emotional coaster
And as the hours pass, it only gets stronger and stronger until the energy passing through you becomes almost unbearable
You donít know why, thereís no rhyme or reason to it
It just is
Then, BAM, itís like a bullet roaring through your body and you just freeze
When someone, anyone says ďoh by the way, did you happen to see on SaturdayĒ
No, I didnít see, I donít see, I go out of my way not to see
Sure enough, it then all makes complete and utter moronic sense
So basically, you pretend like you donít care
In fact, you can pretend until the cows come home, from wherever it is someone has tossed them to, but it wonít matter
Because the minute that person, or thing, whatever it is comes within 10 miles of you, somewhere deep down your spirit knows
It just knows
And all the ignorance in the world, and all the lies you tell yourself will never change your truth
It is a terrifying realization that knocks you back about 3 feet just before it drags you full steam ahead
Well, at least it finally explains part of a dream I had once
Anyway, Iím not sure it makes a difference after all this time
Though I canít help but wonder
How, can you be so connected to something or someone without one coherent reason why
I donít think Iíll ever have an answer to that
Would it even matter
My first clue should have been when the thoughts started creeping in
When found myself searching for that one picture that obliterates my defenses
I shouldíve know, I should have done something, anything
Shielded, I should have shielded, but I didnít know, didnít think
Iím not sure which is worse, knowing or not knowing

If this wasnít so ridiculously heart wrenching, it would all be quite comical
In fact, I think that if I were not blessed with the support system I have
I think I would be sitting somewhere in a corner, rocking back and forth, spitting on myself by now

SilverAngelFire2008




Author's Notes: I had an experience this past weekend that I didn't realize I was having until today.


Author's Location: Coral Springs, Florida
More Poems: SilverAngelFire has posted 204 additional poems- View them?
Author's Profile: To learn more about SilverAngelFire - Click HERE
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