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 Page: Profile: Poetry   Total Views: 16,578,822  

Poem Specs

VxPoem ID: 43365


Posted: December 13th. 2012 3:39:45 PM

Views: 1639

What Happened At School Today?

by Azurite Phox

Age Group: Adult

i came home from school today and i wanted to die.
they laughed at me and called me stupid.
they pushed me til i cried.
i tried to tell the teachers but they only told them to quit.
so it made them hate me more. they enjoyed making me feel like sh*t.

they cornered me in the bathroom and told me i should have never been born.
they pushed and pulled and punched my stomach til their own fists had gone sore.
i didnt know what to do.
why did they hate me so much?
My parents tried their best and my teachers worsened their grudge.

No one probably cares. Theyre right.
i should have never been born.
But I dont want to go to hell either.
Oh God! I feel so torn! Maybe i deserve it
Otherwise, God would not abandon me with so much pain. Maybe my classmates are his angels telling me not to stay.

I dont know what I did wrong though.
Could it be the C I made on that test?
I must have upset my mother and maybe my father must feel less blessed
To have a child like me must be a curse.
I dont want to cause them more pain.
I should eliminate their problem before they go insane.

So with this note, I will tell them that I love them but I must go
and that Im sorry for ever being ornery and my choice is what I owe.
The toaster is on the ledge now.
I have no one to say goodbye.
A flick of my hand and the room will light up
as I go drifing towards the sky.

Author's Notes: Wrote this November 20, 2012

My 12 year old cousin committed suicide November 19, 2012. I remember feeling extremely happy that day not even an hour before i found out through family posts on my Facebook newsfeed that he had taken his own life. There is a huge bullying problem in our middle schools across the country, but it is more prevalent on the reservations because of the desolate situation everyone is living in there. He came home from school that day after getting in trouble with a teacher and the bus driver and enduring taunts and threats from his classmates just because they didnt like him... he ate dinner with his dad, went to his room and hung himself and his dad found him a little over a half hour later. I wrote this poem as soon as I heard about his death as a message to parents and teachers that this is the mind of a suicidal child (coming from a suicidal perspective) and that if bullying cannot be completely resolved, then we should let our children always know that they are loved. My cousin was loved (u wouldnt believe how many ppl came to his funeral!) but i knew how he felt, and in his unwell mind, that was a direct result of bullying and living on the rez where there is nothing. IDK if his message was well received by the school systems, but it was well-received by me and I plan to speak as an advocate for suicidal kids. ~Rest In Paradise~ Tanner T. Gray (January, 2000- November, 2012)

You can read more about Tanner's legacy by hovering and clicking your mouse over the following link below:

Author's Location: Grand Forks, North Dakota
More Poems: Azurite Phox has posted 38 additional poems- View them?
Author's Profile: To learn more about Azurite Phox - Click HERE
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