Page: Profile: Poetry
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VxPoem ID: 34302
Posted: October 1st. 2008 2:01:10 PM
Age Group: Adult
Golden and shiny, I look to you
I hope I haven't moved too fast, fearing to spook
You have become
someaught dear to me, in such simple time
I tire of being so hurt--my rebounding self
has left me
and now I am ready to feel more
than merely what my body can stand
I want to love somebody, have felt the words
cross my tongue, swilled in the back of my mind
Left unsaid... left for a much later time
When I might know, perhaps, if you feel the same
regarding what will have grown truer
I do not toy with others' hearts--
if all you want is my body, tell me straight
so I can move on
Author's Notes: Other strophes that could follow, but are too long:
I need somebody
who won't suffocate me, won't keep me in line
one who'll give me the freedom to be myself, as I would too
a face that enjoys the sight of me - all of me - as I would he
who won't tell me lies
somebody who's loving, who cares--
I don't need
physical mono-committment, or
strings to pull a heart by
want somebody who would care to simply live life as I do, by my side
* * *
(Pardon my essay-length think tank which follows...)
I'm not going to 'lawfully' remarry. As of yesterday, I feel I am done with my rebounding behavior, too.
I think a genuine, heart-felt handfasting will be enough for me ever again. I find myself caring more and more for a certain somebody, but I will reserve that for a later time, when events have settled a bit and I know even more closely my mind. I don't know if he'd care to care for me like I want to care for another. I don't want to go the serious route too soon, either, though I'm not personally opposed to doing so.
Right now, I need to get legal events squared away - the process has officially begun. I am happier with my life. I changed my major, soon hopefully my residence, my way of looking at the life I know (more close to how I used to, though better with this age) , my habits have changed back some, and I am more determined than I used to be. I have changed, and still I feel transformation on the rise... But right now, since it's my topic of interest, I want to regard having a real relationship with somebody again. I want my butterflies back - I don't need the hormonal... thing... that love tends to be when one is full of hormones and emotion.
I want something:
- Fun, and steady.
- I can rely on.
- In which I am trusted.
- In which I am free to be bisexual; I am fully prepared to be as open to the one I may love - if he were bi, too, then he'd have the same freedom. It's not that I want a poly thing, but being mono seems... constricting. For me, anyway. I need to be able to express the bisexual part of myself, or I will grow frustration. I was not allowed to explore that aspect of myself... Not that I have ample chance or drive to do so, but the potential is there.
- Loyal. I am very loyal to the one I love. But my past relationships have been... lacking, to be simple about it.
- Accepting. I have to be me, and you might not like me after all.
- Both independent yet dependable. That is, a relationship in which we are both capable of handling our own finances and personal business, but the room to be able to depend on the SO for support is easy to do. There's no reason for excuses on this note.
- I admit to fearing too much solitude - I don't mean to push others away. But on this note, I mean to say that whoever I'm with... if they just don't want to be with me... just say. Don't lie to me. I refuse to own you, so I won't go off the deep end if I'm just not what you want anymore. Also, I react very quickly and not in the happy way when an SO is being too possessive. So, not that I don't mind one being protective, it can easily cross the line.
- I despise users. I will not be your mother - I know how it feels, and that's generally when I know the relationship is dead. I would expect the same treatment. I don't want to answer to my SO. I want to answer to me and just live my life with my SO.
- Somebody who'd want to establish a real home with me. I would like something stable, steady, fun, bright, decorative, creative, and prosperous. Mind, body, soul. Peace is what I seek.
Author's Location: Columbia, Missouri
More Poems: Rook has posted 61 additional poems- View them?
Author's Profile: To learn more about Rook - Click HERE
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