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 Page: Profile: Poetry   Total Views: 10,239,449  



Poem Specs

VxPoem ID: 15559

Category:
humor

Posted: August 25th. 2005 5:53:29 PM

Views: 1470

Creation to Modern-Day in DIGEST FORM

by Iarrthóir na Fírinne

Age Group: Adult



In the beginning, there was the goddess, and she created all, everything, above and below and in-between. Except for the things the god created. He rained his fiery sperm down from the heavens into her dark, fertile valleys, and there was life.

Except for the life that was created when he was wounded and his blood spilt on the earth or that stuff created when she split asunder her atomic structure and divided into two beings, the earth and the sky, and they into four, earth, water, fire and air.

And all of these being the exception to that which was created when everything went haywire and nothingness exploded with a big bang, causing the formation of the universe, which is still feeling the effects and expanding.

Then there was the time he masturbated into his hand, ingested the output and expectorated children. And the time when her love for the universe was the cause of great consternation in her underground womb and erupted life-giving fires onto the surface from her vagina. But I digress, my mind was in the gutter...

These two came together, bonded as one and from that union everything emerged. Except, of course, those things that naturally evolved from proteins and acids bonding together in small pools of warm water, over millions and millions of years, step-by-step.

One must mention a worldwide flood at some point, as either man became too wicked to survive, there was a war among the gods, or the crust of the earth shifted over the mantle due to gravitational issues, causing a massive cataclysm.

Of course, one man and his family survived, having been told by god to build an ark and take into it one of every animal and not to worry about the predator/prey combinations or the problem of feces removal. Whoops, gutter problem again.

His was the only family, except for the pair that survived by strapping themselves to a tree on a high hill. And the one down in what we now call South America who was told to enter the caves. And all the others in their boats. And the ones who were turned to dolphins, etc. Oh, and Atlantis, or Lemuria, which sank beneath the depths.

Then there was the tower we tried to build to reach heaven, where all languages were created to confuse people and to separate us so we'd never become as great as god, although inside us all there is a god, or at least a loa, or a brother-in-loa.

Luckily, today we all believe alike, at least according to the leaders of the United States, that one nation under... something. Something green, I think, and made of paper, or perhaps golden, like a calf...

We all know that church is on Sunday morning and as long as you're there and you've dunked in the name of a Jewish carpenter/stoneworker/last scion of the Davidic line/rabbit/savior anything you do during the week is up for negotiation.

Man, I'm glad the world isn't as complicated today as it once was. Just begs the question... what would Guan Lin do?




Author's Notes: Why isn't there a category for alleged humor?

This was my response to a forum post titled "beliefs." This kind of thing goes on in my head all the time. I should seek help.

Yes, I know it says "rabbit" where it should say "rabbi." That was a spellchecker error, but one I find confusingly humorous, so I left it in.

If you like it, check out http://www.flybynightlighthouse.blogspot.com for more would-be poetry from a guy in NM.

Copyright 2011, MB Tankersley, FBNL Works


Author's Location: Albuquerque, New Mexico
More Poems: Iarrthóir na Fírinne has posted 6 additional poems- View them?
Author's Profile: To learn more about Iarrthóir na Fírinne - Click HERE
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