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 Page: Profile: Poetry   Total Views: 10,804,748  



Poem Specs

VxPoem ID: 24411

Category:
humor

Posted: September 20th. 2006 7:20:45 PM

Views: 1374

Allinav Noitatimi, the Power of Substitution

by Phronesus Disegno

Age Group: Adult



Oh, Great Allinav Noitatimi
They have asked me to do it again
To make a homemade cake or cookies
But this knowledge is beyond my ken.

For I won't spend all of my money,
And I know I could make it do,
Less expensive than cardamom
With an ingredient not quite true

As a substitute Orchidaceae
Though not a genuine extract
El Cheap-o brand Crème de Galliano
But who cares if I'm not exact?

Seemingly like the real thing
And forever been on my side
And the smell is convincing enough
4-hydroxy-3-methoxybenzaldehyde.

They shall eat my home-baked cookies!
My unsliceable homemade cake!
They shan't say a discouraging word
Or their lives may be at stake...

Culinary artists may doubt me
But I care not what they think
Just a little dab in my hot chocolate
Like the Aztecs' royal drink

My dear friend, Allinav Noitatimi
No effort with you it took
My demanding, ungrateful friends
Will ne'er again request that I cook!

Accessible Allinav Noitatimi
From the burden of baking, free me!
They'll be happy with potato chips,
Oh, Great Allinav Noitatimi.




Author's Notes: Do you get the feeling I was aksed to bring a homemade dessert to a function here at work? And, do you get the feeling I was asked to bake the dessert? And finally, do you get the feeling that I'm actually not the best cook in the world and that I don't care much for cooking? Because if you are getting these feelings, you're exactly correct. I actually have to clear off the top of my oven before I can do anything with it. To me, a stove makes a great countertop!

Now, I warned them. And they insisted. So I called upon the Great God Allinav Noitatimi for assistance in teaching them a lesson. It worked.

Here is a helpful key to terms and phrases referenced in the poem:

* Orchidaceae - the family classification of vanilla.
* Crème de Galliano - a liqueur flavored with vanilla.
* 4-hydroxy-3-methoxybenzaldehyde - a key chemical compound in vanilla.
* my home-baked cookies and cakes - think of hockey pucks and sofa cushions.
* the Aztecs' royal drink - "xocolatl", a mixture of cocoa beans, honey and yes, vanilla.
* Allinav Noitatimi - the Great God of Substitution! Actually, "imitation vanilla" spelled backwards.


Author's Location: Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
More Poems: Phronesus Disegno has posted 627 additional poems- View them?
Author's Profile: To learn more about Phronesus Disegno - Click HERE
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